New Beginnings

Happy 2007! With only a few hours to go, I suppose it would be appropriate to spend a little bit of time reflecting on 2006 and dreaming about what 2007 might be. I just love new beginnings. Kevin has always said to me that I am a great starter. So this time of year really excites me. A fresh new calendar, a clean slate. . .that feeling like you had back in school when you opened up a brand new, fresh, clean notebook for the very first time. . .so many possibilities.

2006 has been a great year for the Colon family. I can't say that there has been any tremendously huge drama. We have ridden the ride of Cool River for another year. God has blessed and grown that entire community. We have made some new friends and grown closer to many old ones.

As a family we have traveled a lot. Kevin went to Vietnam twice and I finally got to return again after 7 years of longing to be back there. We spent a week in Glorietta, New Mexico, and made it back home to Kentucky 2 times.

Emma turned 7 and we have successfully made it through the first semester of second grade homeschooling. She made the decision to follow Jesus this fall and become a Christian. That was this years biggest blessing for our family. Claire turned 5 and has made really big steps toward overcoming her shyness. I see her coming into her own unique personality as 2007 begins. Olivia is simply a pleasant, adorable 3 year old with a mind of her own.

I can't say that I have and regrets as 2006 ends. Are there many things to improve in 2007? Absolutely! For one, I want Kevin to be able to say that not only am I a good starter but a good finisher. There is going to be a great opportunity to be just that as I will be serving as the interim children's pastor at church this year. 2007 is going to be a great juggling act. Between homeschool, raising a family, church, this new job, going back to Vietnam, family time and "me" time, it is going to be a year spent like never before. It almost feels as if we are stepping back in time to those seminary days in Ft. Worth when so much was happening as Kevin and I were trying to do church and family and finish our degrees. But what an incredible time that was! Hard - but so worth the work. These are my expectations for the new year as well. Hopefully I am even better prepared today for the challenge.

So what is the mark of a successful year? - to look back and see that I have grown. . . to see that I am not where I was this time last year. . .to see that I have not taken steps backward but made strides forward. Have I stumbled along the way? More than I would like to admit. But in the end, I am pleased and I am ready for yet another new start. I can't wait to write again next year at this same time. I'm sure I could not even begin to imagine what lies ahead.

New Year's Resolution? I don't even bother making those because I always break them at about week 2. But new year's goals and dreams. . .here's a few.

To dream bigger.

To trust God more and spend even more time studying.

To worry less.

To win the reading war with Kevin - we are planning to see who can read the most books this year. Last year I read over 25 so my goal is at least 30.

To return to Vietnam - the dream would be to go as a family, but that would be a big God thing if it became possible.

To mentor and build more meaningful friendships.

To serve and finish well with Cool River Kids.

Go on a mini "Amy" vacation

To be more purposeful in spending quality fun time with my girls.

To continue date night with Kevin and plan a mini vacation just for the two of us.

I'm sure there are many other things to dream of and hope for. I can't even imagine them all because I have no idea what the future holds. As I write throughout the next year, I'm sure there will be many goals accomplished and many surprises realized. Here we go. . . .

The Journey Continues

To read about my new adventure, click here. . .

Money

There is no other thing that I have more of a love/hate relationship with in this life than money. Have you ever felt that way? Money seems to come around just long enough for you to take a deep breath and then whoosh, it's gone again. There is nothing else that has the power to change my mood than this horrible thing that even the Bible calls the "root of all evil." Money has the power to change me from a peaceful person to an angry, anxious and scared person in only a matter of moments. Credits, yea! Debits, o no!!! And when the debits outweigh the credits, everyone had better watch out! Amy's level of anxiety has been raised to a 10 and the fallout of my mood is going to affect everyone in arms reach.

Now that's a sad confession.

Do I want to be this way? Of course not. My mind knows all the right answers when it comes to tight situations. God is the great provider. God has never, ever let us fall. God has blessed our family "exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine (Eph, 3:20)." Is he going to stop today? Is he going to stop next week or next year? No. God did not sign on to be with us and provide for us for only 18 or 21 or 45 years. He signed on for life - and for life eternal.

So why do I get so crazy when bills add up and there seems to be no hope of staying afloat? If I say I know God and trust God, why do I doubt him when things seem out of my control? That is the exact moment that he promises to step in, isn't it? That's why he brings us to those places, isn't it? That's how he makes us dependent on him, right? But, o, how I can't stand it! How I hate to be pushed to the edge. How I hate to be dependent on anyone - even God. That must be pride, huh?

So what can I do when life is life and throws it's rotten eggs? Breathe. . .Take a deep breath, pray for my own sanity, pray for God's hand of protection and provision once again, truly give the matter to him (which is SUPER hard) and wait. I can not figure out the debits of life on my own. I have no power to fix anything. All I can do is live each day, take what comes and trust God to handle the rest.

God, please help me to roll peacefully with the punches, cease knocking those around me out along the way, breathe easily and trust you more.

Christmas Morning

More memories. . .

Christmas morning in my house growing up was always very peaceful. Christmas music would be playing when I awoke and Mom would always try to give me hot chocolate that I was much too excited to ever drink. It was never any huge production. I really like that. Because I grew up and only child, everything was always very calm and orderly - very unlike Christmas mornings at my house today. You know, I never understood until I became a parent the whole deal about why my mom and dad waited so long to open their own gifts on Christmas morning. I was always more than ready to tear into mine. I would open everything and have it all arranged just perfectly so that I could then sit back and observe all that I had received and my parents would still have a pile of gifts wrapped neatly at their feet. But I get it now. I'm just like them now. The gifts for me mean very little in comparison to the opportunity to watch the expressions on my girls' faces as they open their own.

Next, it was time to get dressed and go to Katie and Pappy's house. You know, I was a little girl when Pappy was with us for Christmas. I don't remember a lot. But in my mind I can still see him at the head of the table for Christmas morning breakfast. It was always a breakfast with all the trimmings - especially country ham. But the gifts had to come first. I remember Nancy still dressed in some long, cozy extra warm gown and robe (she was always so cold!) sitting in the middle of the floor with me as we passed out presents together. Just like Mom and Dad, Katie and Mamaw would watch and watch as everyone else opened their gifts. Then we would have to wait another fifteen minutes for them to finally open theirs. Santa visited so many houses when I was a kid. I wonder how he ever knew that I was going to be coming to them all? Every place I went I had a gift that said "from Santa" on the tag. I eventually figured it out that that usually meant "from Katie" instead. Surely the real Santa would not give Dad and Wayne underwear and socks.

The day ended with a meal once again (we ate a lot) at Grandma and Papaw's house. And that was Christmas. It was a wonderful time. Christmas as a kid will always be some of my very best memories. So to Mom and Dad, Katie and Pappy, Nancy and Wayne, Mamaw and Aaron, Willa, Jack and Rose, Grandma and Papaw, Ma, Kay, Gay, Jeff and all the family - thank you from the bottom of my heart for the memories. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for providing me a great foundation - a wonderful and healthy start. Thank you for the security of home and happiness. Thank you for investing in me and loving me. I miss you!

And when Emma, Claire and Olivia grow up I hope that they will also be able to look back and remember all the little things and all the love that they found in their holiday traditions, too. It's not easy to be so far away from "home" this time of year. But I am blessed and thankful for all the new memories I get to make.

I'll Be Home for Christmas. . .

if only in my dreams. . . . .

Well, it's Christmas Eve. . .and I am home. No, not "home." "Home" is many, many miles away. At "home" right now it's late afternoon. Grandma and Papaw are already watching and waiting for the first sign of family to drive up. Their video camera is charged and ready to go. Either coconut or jam cake is on the kitchen counter ready to be enjoyed by all. All of the kids have grown up now. It's not the same as it used to be. But it is tradition all the same.

I remember as a kid being so excited to finally get to Grandma and Papaw's house because it was there that we would sit and watch for Santa's sleigh on the evening news. Then Dad would tell me that we had better hurry home before Santa got to our house. So after bagging up all of the mounds of wrapping paper and loading the trunk of the car with all of our goodies, we would say "goodbye" and Christmas Eve would officially come to an end. I will forever cherish the memories of that crowded little living room full of family and love.

. . . . . .

Christmas Eve growing up was quite the event. I'm not sure what time the festivities started, but I am quite sure that I have no idea how we fit everything in. The best I can remember, we started our night at Willa and Jack's house. As a little girl I was always so happy to be there. They always had a UK game on the tv and Christmas music in the background. The tree was huge and the presents were so many that they filled the entire room. This was a time to be with family that I did not see very often except for the holidays. Rose and Willa always prepared the yummiest food and as a little girl I remember always hearing Janet Webb's voice in the background. We always put our coats in Jack and Willa's bedroom and as the night went on I remember wanting to escape back into that room and look around. I'm not sure why. I think I was always fascinated because Jack and Willa slept on two twin beds. Isn't it funny the things that our minds store away as lasting memories?

After Willa and Jack's it was on to church for the Christmas Eve service and then to Mamaw and Aaron's house. And what do I remember about that?. . . Ina's cream candy packaged in mason jars and curly ribbon, a stocking filled with half dollars and yummy fruit, a tiny little tree that sat on a small table and all around it was surrounded with First Bank and Trust envelopes for the whole family. I remember Aaron sitting in his gold colored chair and Mamaw in her thin striped green dress with a little zipper on the front and a Christmas pin. And I remember her laughing so hard that she could hardly catch her breath as she told her stories.

I wonder. . .what kind of memories will my girls have of the holidays? It's not the same today as it was back then. Our town was small. My family surrounded me. I can't recall that I ever received a UPS box filled with gifts or a Christmas card that said "Merry Christmas from across the miles." But. . .tonight we are HOME. The snow is falling again tonight. We are having a very white Christmas (of 30+ inches of snow). We are together. Our house is warm and filled with love. It's good. So, Merry Christmas across the miles to all of my family!

Merry Christmas!!!

Today's "Olivia-isms"

"Claire hurt my feelings and I need to go to the doctor!"

With hands on her hips and lip out. . ."I don't want God to keep me safe tonight. And I can have good dreams all my myself!"

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

We have been listening to Christmas music a lot in our house lately. It's hard to believe that it is already that time of year again. But today I can say that officially "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." As I sit here at the computer I am looking out of my window to about 4 leftover inches of snow from earlier in the week as even more is right now falling from the sky. That's Colorado for ya. We had a 70 degree Thanksgiving. Now the snow is here. And on Christmas day it will once again probably be a balmy and sunny day. O, but we love the snow. We will take it when we can get it.

As a family we have always made it a point to wait until after Claire's birthday on the 5th to put up our tree in an attempt to separate the two holidays. This year we are going home to Kentucky before Christmas so I had to break my rule and put up the tree already. It's a kid tree with penguins and Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake, Dora and princesses. And already it has been such a joy to watch the girls excitement over it. With only the lights on the tree they were already "practicing for Christmas." They turned all of the lights in the entire house off except for the tree and then went around gathering up anything they could find to pose as presents - dirty clothes, shoes, old toys - whatever was on the floor. They placed the "presents" under the tree, ran upstairs to pretend they were sleeping, ran down the steps when it was time to wake up, asked if they could see their gifts and very excitedly opened each one. This provided an entire evening of entertainment.

Now the ornaments are on and all is complete. The snow is falling. The house is clean. And what do I intend to do today? Absolutely NOTHING! We have a gingerbread house to decorate, a UK basketball game to watch and a party to go to tonight. It's Saturday and I 'm thrilled to be able to relax. We leave for Kentucky on Monday. Can't wait!

Happy Holidays to all!

Happy Turkey Day!

Today was the first ever Thanksgiving that we have spent alone as a family. It really was a lot of fun. We started out the day with a 9:45am movie - Santa Clause 3. Then it was off to Flagstaff mountain in Boulder. We hiked up for about 40 minutes. I was amazed at how well the girls did. They climbed and slipped and fell and got back up again so many times, but no one fussed to go back down. In the end it was Maverick who could not go any farther and we had to turn around to go home. After naps and a little caffeine, it was time to cook. Thank you Honey Baked Ham Co. for the yummy turkey, dressing and gravy! After adding a few sides and a chocolate cake, we had a really good Thanksgiving feast, if I do say so myself. Now it is time to say goodnight. The vacation is over and tomorrow is another day. . .

Dancing with the Stars

No one sitting at home on Wednesday night could have possibly cheered more than the Colon girls when Emmitt and Cheryl won. As a family we have followed this show since the start. It has by far been the best family show ever! From Olivia who is 3 years old all the way to Kevin and I and even Gran and Pop in Kentucky, we have all spent the last 10 weeks on the edge of our seats cheering on our favorites. Emmitt was my pick from the start. Olivia and Claire, on the other hand, were Mario and Karina fans. But in the end, we all danced around as Emmitt held the trophy high in the air.

What craziness it is to get so excited. But what incredible memories we have made with our girls through it all. I'm so sad it's over.

Click Here to Watch Emmitt and Cheryl Dance

My Favorite Clip Here

Operation Christmas Child

Today Emma, Claire and I delivered the Operation Christmas Child boxes that we collected at Cool River. The total was 41 - not bad for a church of 120. It was a lot of fun to watch Emma and Claire unload the van and carry the boxes in one by one. Lord, I really do pray that as we continue to teach them and stress the importance of giving to others that they will get it. I have 3 little girls that are extremely blessed. They have family that loves them and would do anything to take care of them. They have toys and computers and books and friends. They have more than enough clothes to wear and shoes to keep their feet warm even in the coldest of winter. They are happy children.

Sometimes I just really don't get why God allows some people to have so much and some to have so little - especially children. It makes me think back to the children I have met in Vietnam. They are some of the happiest kids I have ever seen - and their happiness is different from Emma, Claire and Olivia's. Their happiness is dependent upon nothing else than the love and care of their family. They don't have toys and Gameboys and battery operated Barbie Hummers. They have each other. They find value in helping the family. They experience nature and God's surroundings daily. Sure, they have it tough - in our eyes. But they don't even know it. Their own life is all they know and they are content. It's all about perspective.

Lord, help Kevin and I during this holiday season to teach our kids more and more about caring for others and being happy just because they belong to a family and they belong to you. It is such a huge uphill battle - this holiday season that we have commercialized so much. I really want our girls to see the "true meaning" of the holidays. Make me wise in how to assist in bringing that about for them.

Merry Christmas to the kids who receive our three little shoe boxes! It's not much, but they are filled with love.

Emma's Special Day

For about the last year Kevin and I have been having spiritual conversations with Emma. It all started when she began seeing her friends get baptized. She all of a sudden wanted to do it, too. But I think it was all about the novelty of getting to hop into a hot tub at church. Still, this led us on a journey of teaching and talking with her more and more about sin, Heaven, Hell, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Every day we have been doing our Bible lessons in school. Emma has become quite the whiz at looking up scripture. And lately I had started noticing a spark in her eyes and a lift in her voice, as if when she read her Bible out loud it really meant something to her. It was like she was truly trying to understand what it was saying and not just get her school work done.

Just last Sunday a man spoke to the children at church. He was an illusionist and ventriliquist. And in the middle of his performance I heard that he shared the Gospel a number of times. And that, I believe, was the event that brought about a moment of understanding for Emma. The pieces started to connect. Somehow this week all of her head knowledge about Jesus dying on the cross to save her from her sins and make it possible for her to have eternal life in Heaven made its way down into her heart.

As one event led to another, today Kevin told Emma that soon we would be having another baptism at Cool River. They talked and once again she told him that she wanted to be baptized. Then tonight as I was reading to her before bedtime (an absolutely incredible book called "Leading Little Ones to God" that we have been reading for about a month now) I asked her if she had ever prayed the prayer to ask Jesus into her heart. She said "yes." - though she couldn't give me any details as to what she said.

Up until today I have been very skeptical that she truly understood the whole salvation and baptism thing. But today, I know. My own spirit is confident that as much as her little mind can comprehend right now, she gets it. She loves God and Jesus and wants to be with God in Heaven forever. She knows that her sin separated her from God. And tonight, as I sat on her bed and helped her to pray once again, she asked Jesus into her heart. Granted, I did not hear her words. She did not want to say them out loud. But I "heard" them. They were real. And her face lit up afterwards, knowing that something very special and important had just occured.

And as she ran downstairs to tell her Daddy that she had just prayed "the Jesus prayer" I knew once again that God had been faithful. For it is by nothing that I did that drew Emma's heart to God. Kevin and I gave her lots of head knowledge, but it was the Holy Spirit who drew her little 7 year old heart to his today.

So Emma's journey has just begun. . .

Significance

The last few days have been a whirlwind. We have had friends visiting from Texas and a weekend away in the Springs. Then on top of it all (and the best part), it was church as usual today. Lord, thank you for the stamina to lead the life that you have placed before me.

So often it seeems as if we as Americans almost thrive on the stress and busyness of our lives. It's like we almost feel less significant in some way if we don't have a million things on our "to do list" to juggle and talk about. We complain about busyness, and yet we live for it.

I fall into this catagory way too often. I say that I wish life would slow down. I am mindful of days when life was more simplistic. But when it comes down to it, is it slowing down that I really want? No. I tend to think that it is significance - the knowing that all of the wheel spinning has been worthwhile. The pace of life has become the norm. But at the end of the day, have I truly done something of significance? Some days, yes. Many - no. . .

Luckily, this weekend I was reminded once again of the significance of starting Cool River. As I sat in a room filled with many other couples from Colorado who are doing the life of church planting just as Kevin and I are, I was reminded of God's purpose and call and vision. I was reminded of the significance of the daily hustle and bustle of developing a community of faith in Superior. I was reminded of the eternal lives at stake. I gained perspective once again.

We stayed at a castle when we were with all of these other church planters. It was a beautiful place nestled in the mountains. And we were surrounded for 2 days by people who were much like Kevin and myself and at the same time, as different as night and day from us. It was very interesting. We all had the same "call" from the Lord - to help to bring others into the Kingdom, to make disciples and bring a community of faith to the location that God had called us. But much of the commonality stopped there.

These days there are so many different genres of "church" happening that the average person's head might be sent swimming into confusion. I say that because I am average and I have a headache. There is the ever traditional church (that one is now being called "legacy" style church, by the way). There is contemporary church and seeker sensitive church and cell church and house church. There is good old Southern Baptist hymn singing church all the way to church that is so much on the edge of style that I don't even know what they call it. Churches meet in schools and buildings and crystal cathedrals and homes. Then to top it all off, you take all of those different types of communities of Christian faith and pair them up with the people that God created so uniquely different to lead them. . .and you really do have huge ball of confusion. And yet, it can be a beautiful confusion if we are careful not to think too highly of ourselves and our own preferences and realize that God's church is just as unique as God's creation.

And the really cool part of it all is that there is significance to be found in them all. I get so tired of one practitioner trying to convince me that his style is truly the most holy and biblical of them all. I get so tired of the complaining that comes from the person set so much in their own ways that they can't imagine God ever moving anywhere outside of where their brains might be able to comprehend. The way I see it is if at the end of the day the presence of the Holy Spirit was known and people are coming to know the Lord in a truely relational way that brings about life transformation, then it can't matter how or when or where "church" was done. The significance is found in the fruit of the labor. If God can bless and use a man like Billy Graham as well as a rock star like Bono and a 25 year old little Vietnamese guy in the Northern mountains Vietnam - all who are radically different - to spread the truth of the saving grace of God, then I should assume that he can use any style of church to do the same.

Now I am no scholar on this matter - thank God. I'm sure that some would try their best to shoot holes in all of my thoughts. But aren't you glad that God chooses to give significance and honor to all of those who are striving with the purest heart possible to serve him, even though they might be different from us?

You know, I got frustrated a lot this weekend as pastors with good hearts took perch upon their soapboxes to rally the troops over to their side of the fence. Many (not all) house church people think that they have recovered an approach that will truly bring us back to the roots of the first century church in it's purest form and everyone else is chugging down the wrong path to true disciple making. Organized church people can't fathom letting go of their systems that they have known for so many years. All are doing phenominal things for the Kingdom. All are flawed. All stand testimony to the diversity of God the Father. There is significance in them all. If done by the leading of the Holy Spirit, all play their part in God's divine plan to draw his creation to himself.

So, is all this daily wheel spinning significant? Absolutely. Do we ever get off track? Absolutely. Is there room for complaining about our fellow worker in Christ and lobbying for people called of God to start a church to jump on board with the latest new trend? No way! Eternity is at stake. God's creation is diverse. God's call is unique to each individual. The world is full of many different people. Thank goodness that significance is not granted by sinful people like me. The blessing is given at the end of the day when our heads hit the pillow and we hear the Holy Spirit quietly whisper "well done."

WOW!

So I left Kevin home alone with the girls for about 30 minutes on Friday. . .
Yep, that's blue fingernail polish. . .AGAIN! (This time I learned my lesson and threw it away.)

Saturday

Pumpkins from Katie and
Minnie at the mall. . .

Where do you "find" God?

What kind of question is that? Where do you find God? God is with us everywhere we go, right? That is the good Sunday school answer. But often it is as if he is just along for the ride and I seem to forget more times than I should that he is there. Can you relate? If so, maybe you can also relate to that feeling that can come to the pit of your stomach when you just know that it is time to slow down, catch your breath, relax and just be with the Lord. So where do you go? Where do you find God?

I know that some people find him in the early morning when the world seems to still be asleep. Some find him in the mountains while taking a hike or on the lake while fishing. Other people just like to take a ride with him in the car while going basically nowhere. That used to be one of my favorites until gas prices became so ridiculous. Starbucks with a journal, Bible and good book is also on the top of my list. But if you want to know my favorite place to sit quietly with God, it would be. . .get this. . . the Omni Hotel. Yep, that's right. Now don't steal my spot! I don't want to see you the next time I go loitering there on a late night. But that's where I go. That is where I find Him.

Big comfy couches, a fireplace, pretty music playing in the background (and a Starbucks that I pick up on the way) . . . this is my idea of relaxation. This is my idea of sitting with God. This is the environment where I hear God and learn from God the best. I'm such a yuppie, aren't I!? Yup!

Why do I feel compelled to write about this? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe you need to find your place to hang out with God, too.

Today

I woke up this morning at 6:00am. That has not been the norm as of late. But today I was given a boost of energy that took me out of my bed and into the basement for an early morning workout. If I could get into the habit again, this is what I would like every morning to look like. By 7:30 I was exercised, showered and I had already had my quiet time with the Lord. My day had already started and the house was still quiet. aahhh, yes! Snuggled up to read a book until the madness began, the phone rang.

You know that feeling? It was way too early for anyone to call unless there was an emergency. My heart stopped beating for a second as I said "hello?" And who was it? My friend, Nikki, from Texas. "Amy, what time is it there - 7:30 or 9:30?" "7:30." "O Amy, I'm so sorry!! Let me call you back later. . ." Later, are you kidding? Later there would be kids running through the house and laundry to wash. Oddly enough, she had perfect timing.

And an hour later as we said goodbye, do you know what? The house was STILL quiet. What a fantastic gift God gave me this morning to start off my week! And do you want to know what one of the big things that we talked about was? The Amazing Race. Did you see it last night on tv? (picture above) They were in Hanoi! No, better than that, they were at the Melia Hotel where we stay in Hanoi. And better than that - Nikki and Bob were there when they were filming it this summer. It was so much fun to watch that show last night with my girls. The streets and the people and the choas of Vietnam. . . I asked Emma, "Would you like to go there with me some day?" She said, "I haven't decided just yet." Claire, on the other hand, chimed in quickly saying, "Mommy, I want to go! Can I go???" "Absolutely." What a fun experience it will be to one day share that place with them and introduce them to our friends.

I'm just so blessed. Thanks, God, for reminding me of that just exactly when I need it. Thanks for unexpected phone calls and children to share dreams and life with. Thanks for opportunities. Thanks for the support that you send my way, whether it is through a daily time with you or from a caring friend who might be states away. Thanks for energizing me when I need it desperately. Thanks for today.

Olivia is 3!

I am very sad to report that I failed to take any digital pictures of Olivia's party. Gran used her camera - the ancient kind with the film you actually have to develop!!(haha Mom) So all I can do is report that the "Curious George Party" was a success. The best part was that a three year old still does not care who is invited and how spectacular an event it might be. So, it was just a family party - sisters, parents, grandparents and gifts from other family in KY. And of course, Olivia had a blast. The hit of the party was a little metal shopping cart that she received. She has already pushed that thing for miles around our house.
Thanks, God, for the blessing of our little Olivia.

Old Pictures Just for Fun

Today I realized that I didn't have a picture of Kevin on my blog. So. . .I decided to look through the family picture archive. . . and look what I found! He's gonna love this!!! :-)

A Day in the Mountains with Gran and Pop

Back to Normal

Normal! What is that? It seems as if there have been only a few moments in my adult life that have seemed anywhere close to what someone might call "normal." But for now, at least our family is back together again. And even though reality has hit with the daily routine of laundry and errands, there is a certain comfort in knowing what to expect for today and tomorrow. Beyond tomorrow, who knows!?

Kevin is back from Vietnam. It was a hugely successful trip. You can read more about it on his blog that is linked on this page. Mom and Dad have come and gone. We had a great time! Dad taught Emma how to ride her bike without training wheels and attempted to teach me how to drive Kevin's Toyota that is a stick shift. Let's just say that he had much more success with Emma. We spent a day in the mountains and experienced one of the first days of the beautiful Colorado autumn season. And Mom and I successfully pulled off Olivia's third birthday party. It sounds as if I have many pictures to post. . .

So the summer is officially over for the Colon family. We have traveled more since April of this year than I ever planned. From Texas to Kentucky, New Mexico to Vietnam and Vietnam once again, we made it through. Truly, it was a blast! Our girls have been extremely flexible through it all. But as the cool weather begins, I find myself starting to get that cozy feeling that you can only really satisfy at home - looking out the window at the changing leaves and snow on the ground - drinking a good cup of coffee and reading a great book. I hope that the next few months look a little more like that in my home than the "exploded suitcase look" that we have become so fond of in past months.

Prayer Works!

Today was leaps and bounds better than the last two. Not only did we make it through, but we made it through well. It was Labor Day so the girls and I started the day at the parade in Louisville. Next, we were off to the mall to shop for tennis shoes. We ended the day with a playdate and dinner with friends. Yes, the girls were still grumpy. But I was so calm!!!!! Before I put my feet to the ground this morning I begged God to help me to be calm and gentle and quiet today. How about that - it worked!!
Thanks, God!

Emma is 7

Here are a few pictures that I forgot to post earlier. Emma's birthday was August 10.

Complaining

I have heard more complaining in the last 48 hours than a person should ever have to listen to in a lifetime! Seven year old, Emma, 4 1/2 year old, Claire, and 3 year old (this week), Olivia, have obviously teamed up on this "single mom." They have without a doubt, when I was not around, formed a conspiracy to bring as much havoc upon Mom's life as they possibly can by the time the days without Dad come to an end.

I am hoping and praying that I am not going bonkers. Surely others have experienced this feeling of despair and they just don't share it for fear of someone thinking them a terrible parent. Today I feel like a terrible parent. I know that is false. But today it feels very much like reality. I have never been a gentle, sweet, "Leave it to Beaver" kind of Mom. Though I have prayed for the ability to parent with such grace and quietness many times, it seems as if that prayer is not one to be answered. And that is okay. But good grief! What is a mom to do?!

There has been more crying and screaming today in this household by very loud, determined children than I care to share in full. Emma wants breakfast but can't seem to find anything that suits - so she pouts. She wants her hair blown straight for church instead of curly, so she cries. She does not want Qdoba for lunch, so she whines. Her sister took her spot in front of the TV, so she cries AND hits. It's bedtime and she is not tired, so she crosses her arms and with much indignation sits on her bed to COMPLAIN!

Claire wakes up and needs a hug. I hug her and she screams because I squeezed too tight. She can't find her shoes for church and she stomps her foot in anger. Olivia bumps into her and she pushes her out of the way. The snack bar that she insisted on getting at Safeway is "yucky" and she throws it on the ground. Her gown is too tight and her pillow is too soft. She goes to bed MAD.

Olivia just whines. She is such an easygoing kid that she really can't even come up with a reason to whine. It just seems like the thing to do, so she joins in. O yeah, and then Emma pulls her too hard while leading her through Safeway parking lot and makes her fall and get bloody knees. So then she CRIES! Mom chooses the Sesame Street Band-Aid instead of Strawberry Shortcake and her world falls apart.

This was a brif summary of my day.

But the house is quiet now - except for the sound of the dog that is crying to go ouside - guess I should take care of one last crisis before saying "goodnight."

You may laugh at my day as you read. That's fine. For anyone on the outside looking in, I'm sure it would have been quite humorous. But for this mom, I am EXHAUSTED! Emotionally I am ready to sell my kids to the circus. But it was just a day and this is just a short inconvenience of life when I stand back and look at the whole picture. Yes, there are many, many things about myself and the way that I fail to handle my children correctly that I need to work on very hard. I'm just glad that when night comes and they all look so sweet, sleeping in their beds, that I have the hope of another day and another chance tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll do better. Please, God, tomorrow let me be better. I know that when I am "better" - more on top of my game and less self centered- they respond likewise.

Goodnight.
(O, and please, God, don't let a mouse find its way into my room tonight. :-)

AAAHHH!

I have lived in Texas with their gigantic flying roaches. These roaches found their way into our old, little seminary housing apartment on a daily basis. And each morning I would make Kevin get up and go downstairs to kill and remove every last one before I would even consider placing my feet to the ground. But I have never (at least not to my knowledge) lived in a house with mice. Until now!

Yesterday morning I was working upstairs only to hear my youngest, Olivia, run screaming up the stairs from the basement. She was innocently on her way to her dress up box in search of her princess "cloppy shoes." But before she could get there she was obviously met by a new addition to our home - a small black mouse.

And when does this all have to happen? When Kevin is gone. You know, I traveled all the way around the world to Vietnam - a 3rd world country - a few weeks ago, and I never once saw a creature of any kind in my room. Now I am back to US suburbia and here they are - my new guests.

These mice are truly not welcomed guests at all. I am on a quest to rid us of them as soon as possible. I mean, someday I have to be able to send my children back into the basement to play. And at this point, they are not budging in that direction.

Last night I successfully caught 2. Today I decided to involve some backup, and my friend, Scott, is coming over to empty the traps that I am too much of a chicken to touch, and set new ones. The bottom line is that they must go - they must leave before they have babies in my basement!!!

Kevin has now been gone for 8 days. We are only halfway to the day of his return. What humor you have, God! Couldn't this invasion have happened at a better time!?

Friendship

I have never felt the need to fill my life with lots of friends. I know that it is biblical to "do life together." I know that community is important. But I have always been the kind of person that thrives much more on alone time than pouring my life into more relationship.

Now I don't mean this the way it may seem. I am not a recluse. I do have good friends whom I like to have coffee or spend the day with. We do share life together. We listen and encourage one another. We connect because we are at the same stage in life or maybe because we have similar interests. But these relationships have never been such that I feel as if I would cease to function without them.

Today I had a conversation with a friend that I know I would truly suffocate (for lack of a better word) without. You see, the really cool thing is that God knows me so well that he has graciously given me one or two very special "heart friends" to carry me through this life. This one particular friend does not live near me. I have the opportunity to see her about once a year. But we have phone conversations that mean the world to me. There is absolutely no one that "gets" me and my life like Nikki.

Now I know that Nikki would be embarassed to hear me say too many wonderful things about her. She would humbly remind me that she has many faults that she is yet to overcome. But that is the great thing about her, you see. She is real. She is ahead of me in the game of life and ministry and faith and parenting and marriage. Yet, she is always there to walk right beside of me. And she allows me to be her friend even though we are at different stages in life.

Some would say that she is my mentor. I would agree with that. But I would also like to believe that she is so much more. She is a gift that God has given to this young mom and pastor's wife who tends to shy away from intimate relationships. Some might also say that they would love to have lots of friends just like Nikki in their lives. I would not. I am thrilled and blessed to have just one.

God, thank you for knowing me so well that you created a relationship that perfectly suits the "me" that you made. Thanks for a person who is willing to pour into my life. Thanks for giving me someone to trust to speak Truth into my life. Thanks for a friend who is a joy to call mine.

I am amazed at how you knit life together, God. Even as I write this, Kevin is in Vietnam with Bob, Nikki's husband. How ironic that you have not only given me a friend but you have given Kevin and I a married couple to do life with. Kevin and Bob's relationship is a bit different. Life and purpose moves much faster for them and they don't have a lot of just "talk time" anymore. But of all the people that have crossed our paths as a couple, we will forever cherish these two probably above all. Without their influence on our lives and marriage and family we would not be who or where we are today.

Thanks so much!

FYI about Amy

Tonight I was thinking about this interesting fact about Amy that very few people know. Many people are clueless about this fact because it is more than likely quite irrelevent to anyone else but me. It is nothing earth shattering. Yet, as a young girl and even as an adult, this little known fact is possibly the marker in my life that helped to form me into the person that I am today.

You see the guy over there on the left? He's not an old boyfriend or a past youth pastor. He is not even a personal friend - though I have bought him dinner at Cracker Barrel before (long story). His name is Steven Curtis Chapman. "O yeah!," some of you might say. If you are a good church going teenager from the late 80's and 90's your mind might start singing to the tune of. . ."saddle up your horses, we've got a trail to blaze. . .this is the great adventure." Or maybe you have wedding memories of the song, "I will be here when the laughter turns to crying. . . ." Maybe you are thinking right about now, "what the heck is she talking about??!!" Please forgive my rambling.

Some people were raised on U2, Cindy Lauper and Guns and Roses. Others of us were sheltered in the Christian Contemporary music world of 4 Him, Amy Grant, Rich Mullins and Steven Curtis Chapman. Maybe it was because I lived so close to Nashville as a kid and college student that I was drawn to these Christian artists (and country heroes as well, if you must know). Maybe it's because on my first day in youth choir with Wayne Causey he plopped a red and white book in front of me with this guys name on it and made us sing every song time and time again. But my best guess is that God had a plan even in the music that was to come out of a teenagers tape player or a youth choir's Sunday night special. It was a plan that would serve to change the heart of a young believer. It was a purpose to disciple a young girl who had never really had that awesome Sunday school teacher or mentor to guide her in the right direction.

I remember so many nights when I sat at the crossroads of life changing decisions and God allowed the word's of SCChapman's music fill my mind and my heart. Those words touch me even today. He has discipled me and taught me more about God and life and love and risk and stillness, the ride and the adventure of life, than absolutely anyone else. Or should I say that God has taught me those things through him.

And he's a guy who does not even know my name. Sure, I have met Steven Curtis Chapman before. I have been to numerous concerts. I have followed his life and watched as God has used him in so many ways. But he is just a guy. He is a voice once wound up in my tape player and now stored away neatly in my ipod. But that voice will always be such a sweet comfort over me and my life. I listen to his music and I discover myself again. I once found the "Amy" that God created me to be in the midst of his songs. It almost seems crazy, but it is there that I can find her every single time - even today.

Today I Bought Sweatshirts!

I am so excited that fall is just around the corner. It is as if my summer has been a chaotic blur and everything within me is ready to shut down and settle into the coziness of fall. I noticed the first maple tree beginning to turn it's beautiful shade of crimson today. The night's are coming sooner and the crispness in the air that I am beginning to feel is so refreshing. School has begun and routine is here once again. aaahhh. . .it feels like relief.

But will life truly slow down for the Colon family? I seriously doubt it. Isn't there always something? As I write, Kevin is on the other side of the world involved in a huge world event. The Vietnamese government is discussing freedom of religion for the first time ever as a communist country. I would be crazy to think that this event will not have it's effects on the future of our church and family - who have both committed to share God's love in Vietnam. In some sense that I can't even fathom right now, it is going to be huge. And in the hugeness, I have no doubt that our family will continue to move through unexpected waters and uncharted territory.

Cool River is growing numerically. With growth comes change and with change comes challenges and with challenges come personal growth and formation. Wouldn't it be nice to think that one day we might "arrive" at some destination and just be able to sit back and breathe, saying, "wow, this is it!" But that is not reality. Life is fluid and ever-changing because God is always waiting to take us to the next level of his plan and purpose. Cool River is at a crossroads. It's not slowing down anytime soon.

So in the middle of it all, what is my greatest challenge? My greatest challenge is living in the moment. I so want to breathe slowly and "smell the flowers" with my children. I want to savour and truly celebrate Claire's victories of breaking through her shyness. I want to laugh with Olivia as she comes running to me with her Curious George panties on her head. I want to sit with Emma and share with her about the simple wonders of God's creation. I want to relax in the backyard with Kevin and dream about the future and be thankful for the blessings. In the middle of the craziness that we call life, I want to make sure that I don't miss the most important things - smiles and laughter and hugs and tickles. I want to read a good book just because it's enjoyable and not because I'm trying to learn something. I want to take a drive into the mountains with no particular destination in mind - just to stop along the way and enjoy the view. I want to spend time with God when there is no agenda that needs to be discussed.

Such simple desires - yet they are so often difficult to attain in the middle of the chaos. Lord, it's not necessarily that I want life to slow down. It's extremely exciting to be on this road that you have placed me. I just pray that as life happens that it does not pass by so rapidly that I miss you and all of the important things throughout the journey.

Today I bought sweatshirts for my girls. I can't believe it is already time to think about fall and winter being just around the corner. Buying warm clothes is just one thing that I can do to prepare us for the next season. Please, God, continue to prepare my heart for the next season of life that is coming up as well. Whatever I need to do to get ready - beyond just hanging on tightly for the ride - please let me know.

Day One

Today was day 1 of 15 that Kevin will be gone to Vietnam. As I write, he is probably getting ready to land in Hanoi. Only a few weeks ago I was the one on the other side of the world and he was alone with our girls. Now the roles have reversed and I am a single mom for a time.

I have no idea how Mom's that have husbands who travel regularly do it. I know that there is a point where you get used to the fact that Dad is away. Life adapts. But I have no desire to ever make this separation a regular part of our family's life. Though. . .that may be just the direction that life is taking us.

A year ago I would have never imagined that both Kevin and myself would be traveling to Vietnam so much. Until now, it was only a dream, a desire. And because I never believed that these opportunities would present themselves so quickly, I think I failed to mentally prepare for it all. Family time has always been extremely important to us. Kevin is always around. His office is at home. Whether he is playing with the girls or on a work related phone call, his voice is always echoing through the walls. But today, it has been quiet.

Today there have been no garage door noises signaling Daddy's return home or cell phones ringing in the middle of dinner. And tonight there will be no snoring - okay, so maybe one good thing will come out of his absense. But in 15 days I have a feeling that even the snoring will be a welcomed sound. All of the sounds will mean one thing - that Kevin is here with us again. And life will once again be as it should.

Until then, God, be near Daddy. We already miss him.

Happy Birthday!

The end of year 30 is fast approaching. In 3 days I will officially be "30-something."But this year's birthday is not painful like last. Three hundred and sixty two days into it, I have decided that I am going to enjoy my 30's. Granted, a few wrikles are quietly beginning to appear. I have discovered a few dreaded gray hairs and calories seem to stick to my middle with less effort than before. But despite all of those things, the really cool part is that life has more meaning to it than ever before. All of a sudden I have a life - a life that is about more than sleepless nights and dirty diapers, studying for school, moving, or holding my breath to see if Cool River will make it off the ground.

As I stand on the doorstep and get ready to enter into the world of "30-something," I find myself breathing easier. I see a future of actually using the gifts and knowledge God has given to me. I see a glimpse of opportunities never experienced. I see an exciting life with children whom I get to show the world. I see a marriage that is nine years strong and growing. I am beginning to see the fruits and blessings of our labor in Colorado and Cool River. And the anticipation of what is yet to come is terrific.

As I bring a close to year 30 I can do nothing but praise God for all he has done and continues to do. I had no idea that life was going to bring me to this place. In only the last month I have had opportunities only dreamed of. I have shared my church planting wife story with people from both the Colorado state convention as well as a large, new church planting team from Boulder County. - Lord, I am so blessed to have a successful story to share. - I shared with my family a terrific time in Glorietta, NM. I watched Emma, Claire and Olivia become more independent little people and found such joy in the fun that they had. - Lord, thanks for a family beyond my hopes and dreams. - I traveled to the other side of the world just to love on the Vietnamese people. How can I ever view my life in the same way again? - Father, I'm amazed at how you can cause a heart to love a people that it barely even knows! - I have celebrated with Kevin 9 years of bumpy (at times), beautiful marriage and my oldest daughter, Emma, turned 7 years old and started 2nd grade. WOW! This was one month. And I get a sense that the best is yet to come.

Lord, I pray that the journey has just begun. Please lead me your way into this next year. You have been so good to me! I can't wait to see where this 30-something road leads.

Important Reminders

After living in a place for as long as we have now lived in Superior it becomes a bit difficult to remember that the rest of the world looks quite different. I don't mean different
in the sense that
I forget that we have mountains and others do not.
What I am referring to is the way life looks "spiritually" at my back doorstep and throughout the West versus the rest of America.

I grew up in the South. I suppose Kentucky is not the deep south, but spiritually it is still tightly buckled into the Bible Belt of our country. There is a church on every corner and the rarest find is someone who does not attend the local church on a regular basis. Are all these people believers? That is the million dollar question. "Church" is culture. And to some, their faith goes beyond the Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night service, but to many, true transformation has not come into their lives because it has been so easy just to "do church" and get by.

That is not a slam on Southerners. I'm talking about my roots. I love where I come from and the world in which I was raised. But it is not reality. The South is not anything like the rest of the world. Food is different. Hospitality is different. Church is different. Faith is different. Spirituality is different. Life is different.

Last week we had a group visit us from Georgia. Now that is the deep South!! And after their few days with us I was reminded once again of the drastic difference of the place in which I live. We are told that 90% of Northern Colorado is unchurched. It's not that they are "believers" that choose to spend their Sunday's wearing sandals, eating trail mix and worshipping our God under some aspen tree way up in the mountains instead of attending the local church. I mean 90% of the people at my back doorstep do not believe in Jesus Christ. Are they spiritual? Absolutely! They are happy to take a little Hinduism and a little Buddhism, a little New Age, a little "me-ism" and bits and pieces of their own deep ponderings to create their own "truth" in which to live and believe. But to follow Jesus Christ - now that is too ludicrious to accept. To many, God's grace is too easy. The stories of the Bible are too ridiculous. And to accept Jesus as THE ONLY Truth is almost a sign of weakness - giving up to what their own mind can not comprehend.

So what does all of this mean to me? First of all, I must say that I LOVE where I live. I love the people that I meet every day. From someone who has lived within 2 extremes of faith societies, I must admit that I would choose to live with the "lost" every time. Now that might sound crazy to you. It feels a little bit strange to even say. But there is a realness here that I have never encountered anywhere else. When you sit across the table from someone at Starbucks there is no fascade. They respect me for who I am and what I believe. And they are an open book as to who they are and what their life is all about. There are no guessing games. There are no fake smiles. There are no expectations that they feel they have to live up to because of tradition and culture. They are real.

And in their realness they are seeking. They are seeking fulfillment and peace and answers to difficult life questions. They run around in circles searching for spiritual fulfillment and wondering why life continues to fail to work. Many are highly intelligent - thinkers, scientists. They have no background in the Christian faith and no necessity felt to go there. Some desire to know more about this Jesus that we follow. Some do not.

This is the great challenge. This is why we stay. This is why we do Cool River Church. This is why we invite friends into our home. This is why we accept the struggle. This is why we live miles away from our family. This is the life and the place that God has called us. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I long for the day that Superior, Colorado, becomes a transformed place full of transformed lives and families living for Jesus Christ. Will that day ever come? I have to believe that it will. But who knows what God has up his sleeve and in store for this place. Still, I will continue to love it no matter what. I am at home here. Though memories and thoughts of my Southern home warm my heart, I am at home. Thank you, God, for your gentle reminders. Thank you for preparing me in such a way throughout this journey that I can love this place. Thank you for the relationships that you have allowed me while here. Thanks for it all.

My back doorstep sits in an American town of 14,000 people and there is not one standing church building of any faith. The rarest find is anyone who attends church on a regular basis. But God is here. And God is never leaving Superior, Colorado. He's up to something. You just wait and see. And I hope that I am home to see it happen.

Simple Complexity

Today was a day of extremes. After dinner tonight Kevin and I took the girls for a walk around Interlocken (the tech center near us). We happened upon a beautiful tennis court and softball field and decided to take a closer look. The night was perfect - probably 68 degrees or so, still and quiet. It was the kind of night that you wish would never come to an end.

As we got closer to the tennis courts we noticed that there were old tennis balls everywhere. Very quickly Emma, Claire and Olivia, found themselves in a kid's paradise. There were balls and space to run and play and a mom and dad to chase every ball that they attempted to toss our way. We played in those tennis courts for at least a half an hour, just running and throwing balls and giggling with our girls. An old worn out tennis ball became a great treasure for each of them as we left.

After a few more minutes of running the bases of the softball field and taking a plunge into the water sprinklers, we started back to the van. I was amazed at how every clover and pine cone along the way back became a treasure worth smelling and touching and savoring. I love how children are such experts at making the often unnoticed as exciting as Disneyland or a birthday party.

Soaked, with flowers in their hair, pine cones in their pockets and old worn out tennis balls in their hands, the girls climbed back into their carseats. What started out as a walk with the sole purpose of getting them tired and ready to go to sleep, turned into a grand adventure. Simplicity. . .

-------------------------------------------------------
Rewinding my day back to this morning. . .

I have this acquaintance. He is brilliant. He's far too brilliant for me. I have always kept my distance because I am far from brilliant. My thinking and my understanding of God is very simple - almost childlike. Most days I am thrilled to have a childlike faith in God. It has served me well. It has allowed me to accept many things about Him that seem ridiculous to the "brilliant."

Now don't get me wrong, I like to think that I understand a bit about God. My understanding comes from relationship and experience, though - not from facts and statistics and things that must be "proven." But today I found myself wishing for more answers to give. It was SO frustrating! It was far from simple - hugely complex.

You see, I have been concerned for and praying for my brilliant acquaintance for quite some time. Yet, I have always kept my distance for quite a few reasons. But today (thanks a lot, God) I had to speak up. Today the random conversation that I found myself a part of hit my heart in a way that I simply knew that God was prompting me to open my mouth.

I will spare the details. Let's just say that all I wanted to do was make one statement very clear to him. His generalization of Christians versus those of other faiths was completley wrong, and I wanted to lovingly let him know that all Christians are not the same. I wanted him to know that I would obey God in the same way as the man from another faith, but for different reasons. I hoped to then walk away and pat myself on the back for speaking what God wanted me to speak. But it did not happen quite that way.

After about 15 minutes of conversation I "learned" that the grass is God and the trees are God and that he is God and that God is Life. I "learned" that God is a woman and that to believe the stories of the Bible 100% makes me disillusioned. Of course, I did my share of debating back and forth. I did not leave the conversation feeling defeated. I did leave the conversation mad - MAD at Satan for feeding lies to the vulnerable - MAD at myself for not having better answers to fire back - MAD for even wanting to fire back at all. And deeply and undeniably saddened for my brilliant acquaintance - Sad that there are so many more like him.

You see, I'm not sure why God chooses to set some people on a certain path and others on another drastically different path. I'm not sure why I have a simple faith and others are too complex to even declare faith. I'm not sure why I can sense God's promptings and "hear" his voice (sometimes) and others are deaf. I'm not sure why others question more and I can so easily accept.

I am sure that many would agree with my brilliant acquaintance in saying that I am disillusioned. That's fine. I really don't mind that someone might think that of me. My final thought on today as it comes to an end. . .at least I can lay down tonight in peace. For as simple as my mind might be, at least it can find rest.

I don't have all the answers, nor do I want them. But I do have a peace that transcends everything that life throws my way. God is my creator. God is my Father. God is my friend. He is not a blade of grass that I can mow down or an ant that I might squish. He is a perfect being that loves me and leads me and allows me the experience of faith and love and security and eternal life. He, through Jesus, is the ONLY way to heaven. He is the one who pursues and prompts. And I pray that he will continue to do that with my brilliant acquaintance.

Father's Day

I am really bad about sending cards and gifts for holidays. The only holiday that I seem to be able to do well with is Christmas and that is because the stores and television start reminding us to begin shopping in October. So once again, today, another holiday has come that I have missed.

I don't do this intentionally. I'm simply my mother's daughter.haha From her I received the gene of procrastination. The difference is that somehow Mom eventually pulls off whatever she plans to do at just the last minute, and she does it in such a way that it looks like she has been planning for months. I have not perfected this yet.

So to my dad. . .please know that I love you very much! And know that you have been thought of today and every other day more than you know - card in the mail or no card. If I were not so far away I would run to Cracker Barrel and buy you a gift certificate or to Walmart and buy a container of worms so you could go fishing in the morning.haha But I doubt those gifts would mean very much more than the reassurance that you were not forgotten.

Instead, I will take time to write. I hope that you know how very lucky I consider myself to be your daughter. Today at church I looked around to see so many wives and mothers sitting alone. Though I sat alone with them, I was one of the lucky ones. Many of them have sad stories of horrible childhoods, divorce and broken marriages. The father void in their life can only be filled by THE Father himself. Instead, I have been blessed with an earthly father who has loved me and been there for me, supported me and encouraged me for my entire life. Even when decisions that I have made were not the decisions that you would have wished for me, you have never given me a hard time about them. You have allowed me to live my life and follow God my own way. And the fact that you are only a phone call away in the middle of it all means more than you know.

So today I thank you. Thank you for teaching me to ride a bike. Thanks for taking me to basketball practice as a little girl so that I could be a part of your life and see what you were all about. Thank you for sweating it out on the driveway in an attempt to teach me to play basketball even though I was always pretty terrible. Thanks for watching tennis matches that drug on for hours and for putting up with boyfriends that drove you crazy. Thanks for modeling for me how a husband is supposed to always love and stay together with his wife. Thanks for loving your grandchildren and teaching them many of the things that you taught me as a child.

Though being so far away from you and Mom is very difficult some days - especially on those days when you are dropping me off once again at the airport - you will forever remain close to my heart. Every time the gas tank gets down to the red, I think of you. Every time something in our house breaks, I think of you. Every time UK and Louisville play basketball, I think of you (and cheer all the louder for UK!!haha). Every time I hear another story of how a teenage girl has been impacted by her basketball coach at Dawson, I am proud of you.

Mom, I think we are both pretty lucky. Happy Father's Day, Dad!!!!

Daddy Dates

One of the things that our girls love the best is getting to go on a date with Daddy. They never know when to expect it. It's not like something that they get to request or plan . It just happens when they least expect it. Today it just happened.

Kevin was taking the day off. We had not made any family plans. And all of a sudden I hear him asking Emma if she wanted to go on a date. Her eyes lit up. "Yes, Daddy!" They quickly planned for lunch. And as Emma ran to her room to get dressed, Claire was the next to be invited. It was a bit more difficult with her. Though she was thrilled to get to go on her special date, she was not the least bit happy that she would be second instead of first.

After that was resolved and all was well, hair was getting brushed and braided and pretty clothes were being chosen, Olivia caught wind of the plan. Needless to say, when dates came to an end Kevin had eaten 3 lunches, been to the toy store twice and trekked through the local mall.

What a wonderful blessing it is to have a husband who not only wants to date his wife (as we do every Tuesday night) but also makes it a priority to date his daughters. I pray that those dates will be memories that will forever be special in our girls' hearts. I love it that they have the opportunity to see their parents making it a priority to spend alone time together. I hope they will also know how much Daddy values being with them.

Happy Father's Day, Kevin!

Drama

Have you ever known someone who seems to thrive on there being drama in their life? Life is never boring when that person is around and when life is simply going along normally they can't seem to function - so they create more drama.

I have never been the drama queen. I have always considered myself quite the opposite. When the drama of life happens I tend to downplay it as much as possible. I get completely annoyed with those who always seem as if their world is about to crumble around them all of the time. As you might guess, I score very low on the mercy end of spiritual gifts inventories that I have taken. :-) It takes a lot to shake me.

But lately I have noticed this - all of a sudden, as true drama has entered my life once again, I realize that I have missed it. I want to embrace the struggles and the unanswered questions because what I have learned is that in my life this means that God is at work. It means that he is up to something and he is preparing the way to show his power once again.

You know, God has done this to Kevin and I many times. He presents a "crisis of belief" in front of us. He shakes the waters a little and then "voila!" He does his thing in a huge way once more.

Between church and family there are quite a few little dramas happening in our lives today. And instead of becoming too "dramatic" I really just want to savor them. I love it when God is up to something that is bigger than I can fathom. I love the way he works things out. I love to look back and be able to praise him even in the drama. When it is created by God, drama is excellent.

People Keep Telling Me. . .

AAAHHHH! People keep telling me to write a book! An email that I received today was the fifth time that has been told to me in the last week. I just don't know. . . I do want to do it. I just can't imagine who would ever want to read it. I can't imagine where I would find the time to do it. Yet, I think I want to try. I'm feeling more and more led to share my church planting story. Is this your way of letting me know how to satisfy that discontent that I have been feeling, God? How will I ever find enough quiet time to even begin? If I tell you that I will do it, Lord, will you show me how?

Colorado Girls

Friday we spent the day hiking at Mt. Evans.

Fun family times.

What's God Up To?

Discontent. . .I feel it quite often these days. To say that it is troubling would be a stretch. The feeling is more like this inner anticipation that kinda churns around in the pit of my stomach. I can't pinpoint it or name it or wrap my mind around it. None the less, it's there.

What is it that you are trying to lead me to, God? It's one of those things that I wish you would just fill me in on. Instead, I have a feeling that I will continue to wrestle with this one for a while. So, if we are going to wrestle, then just bring it on!

There are many things in my life that I am completely confident are in order. Our family has decided to take the road of homeschooling. That is a definite green light from God - no doubt about it. It is already paying off in so many ways. So on the mom as well as the wife end of things, I feel really good about where I am and where I am going.

Then there is this other piece of the puzzle called "Amy." It's not Amy the mom or Amy the wife or Amy the teacher, but just Amy. . .Amy who won't forever be a teacher - Amy who won't forever be the mom of preschoolers. . . Amy who has a lot of experience and a lot to share, but who often guards herself in a lot of areas.

You see, a great friend and fellow church planting wife once told me as we were about to begin this journey of starting Cool River to set myself up for the long haul of church planting from the very start. My biggest fear in starting Cool River with Kevin has always been "burn out." I've heard too many tragic CP wives stories and have always been determined not to become the next. I have always been intent of guarding myself and my family. I have always believed that my number one responsibility is to take care of Kevin and the girls and provide a peaceful and happy (most of the time) home. I have never allowed myself to be spread too thin or take on too many responsibilities within the church. I have allowed myself to say "no " to things even when they REALLY needed to be done. And I have never regretted it. Because of these things, I am a healthy pastor's wife today.

But here's the deal. . .4 years into this adventure I am "healthy." Four years into it, Cool River is now at a different stage. Four years into it I still have something to give. Though we are in many ways still in the start up phase, in many ways we have come into a new level. We are no longer at a place where things are being required of me or asked of me like before. God has brought great leaders and volunteers around. And in the middle of it all, I find myself at a new stage as well. No longer do I have children in diapers and strollers. Once I get them to sleep they generally sleep all night. And, though my girls still need much of my attention, the baby stage has passed and with that I have found a new freedom that I have not had since Cool River started.

And as I am realizing this I am also being confronted in my time with the Lord about who I am and where I am headed. What do I want my life to look like for the journey? How do I want it all to play out in the end? What is God asking me to do now that he has not required of me in the past? What exciting adventure lies ahead?

You see, I have never felt that my "end all" is about being a church planter's wife. That has been my "call" up until this point. Kevin has needed me as a support and a helper. It has and will continue to be my role and my joy. But the deal is, I get this sneaky suspicion that there is more to what God wants out of my life of service to Him.

I remember the time in college when the Lord told me that I was supposed to go to seminary. So I did it. God drew my heart towards serving him quite some time before he brought Kevin and I together. So, God prompted me to choose this lifestyle long before I said "okay" to this church planting wife thing. As I consider it, I think there has been something "more" all along. It's only now that I have had the time to actually sit down and think about what that "more" could possibly be.

So, I'm thinking God. I have some ideas, but none of them have fully presented themselves yet. I do believe that whatever "it" is goes beyond "church" service. Instead I think it will be something that will launch out from Cool River. Maybe something with church planting wives? Maybe that book thing that I wrote about earlier? Maybe something in Vietnam? Maybe, maybe, maybe??? If you can't tell, I'm still very unclear on it all. And that part of me that prefers to stay guarded won't let me go much farther than the "maybe's" right now.

But whatever it is, I hope it continues to churn inside of me until you decide to present it to me in full, God. Please don't do it until my ears and heart are ready to hear. But please don't let me miss it.

Claire's Treehouse

After reading a previous post (3/24/06), my Dad called me one afternoon. He had an idea. Because I was coming home with the girls in about a week, he (Pop) had decided to build Claire her "treehouse for middle girls." It turned out to be one of the greatest experiences and memories the girls may ever have of visiting Kentucky. Mine, too.

We arrived at Gran and Pop's house on a Sunday. Bright and early on Monday morning I awoke to Emma, Claire and Olivia, sporting their newly gifted carpenter's belts and work clothes. About a day and a half later they, with a little help from Pop, had successfully completed construction on a very cool treehouse. My thought after seeing the finished product? "Wow! I sure do wish I was your grandkid!"

Now, the next test would be whether or not they would actually play in it. Would the bugs scare them away? Would the heat bring them in the house? To my great surprise, no. They had breakfast in the treehouse. They swung and played for hours on the multiple swings and seesaws that Pop built - and kept adding and adding and adding. They cried when they had to go inside. And after coming home from town they raced to be out there for just a few more minutes before bedtime. Needless to say, it was one of Pop's best ideas ever.

Our trip home to Kentucky was a great one. Now that we are beyond all of the baby stuff and the girls are all able to play together with the family, it is a lot more fun than I realized it could be. Not only did we build a treehouse, but they also went fishing and caught some "big ones." We had a birthday party for Pop at Nancy and Wayne's house. The girls got to meet their great, great aunt, Marion Frances. We had a tea party at Katie's house with Katie, Nancy and Gran. We visited Abuela and Mama and Titi Carol and Clay. We went to the Louisville Zoo and bet on horses at Churchill Downs. (Emma's horse came in third place) Isn't that a great thing for a mom and grandmother to teach the kids to do?

All in all it was a terrific time. But I guarantee that the biggest Kentucky attraction that will cause Emma, Claire and Olivia to want to get back to visit the family again as soon as possilbe is that treehouse waiting for them in Gran and Pop's back yard. Thanks, Dad!

The Next Food Network Star

My girls have become addicted to the Food Network channel. These days they choose to watch Rachel Ray or Paula Deen over watching Arthur, Sesame Street or just about any other cartoon. It's actually a lot of fun to see them glued to the TV learning and enjoying shows like Unwrapped where they visit factories where food and candy is made or Rachel Rays Tasty Travels where they get to "visit" different cities all over the United States. As a matter of fact, I was just informed the other day that we need to take our next vacation to New York City and eat at "The Eatery" because it is a cheap place to eat and they serve really good french toast. No more McDonald's for these girls, I suppose.

Yesterday I was preparing dinner for some friends. Emma and Claire were helping to make melon ball skewers. As I cut the cantaloupe in half I reached for a spoon to dig the seeds out, only to be informed by Chef Emma that an ice cream scoop would work much better.
Hmmmmm, I guess I never thought of that.

Words that make the journey worth it. . .

While in Kentucky visiting family last week I was putting Emma to bed. Sunday was the day that we were flying home. I was trying to convince her on Saturday night that we did not need to go to church the next morning for fear of being too rushed getting to the airport. Here's how the conversation went. . .

Mom: "Emma, I think we are going to plan on not going to church tomorrow morning."

(Surprised) Emma (6 1/2 years): "But I really want to go to Sunday School and learn more about Jesus!"

Mom: "I understand, sweetie, but it's really not a good idea for tomorrow."

Emma: "But I just have to go because learning about Jesus is the most special thing to me!"

Now what was I supposed to say to that??!! So. . .I smiled, said a quiet thank you to God, and replied, "okay," as tears rolled down my cheek.

Would you believe it? We weren't even the least bit late to the airport.

That is what parenting is all about.

More Changes. . .

I am learning more and more that no matter how hard I try to bring our family's life into a routine, as seasons change and life moves on, it is just going to get harder and harder. For example, today was a day of ups and downs for Emma. This morning she tried out for "PEAKS gymnastics." It is the pre team level of the gym where we have been doing gymnastics. That was a big step forward for her and for our family. If she makes it, she we will be going to gymnastics two times per week instead of just once - as we have done for the past 31/2 years. That is definitely going to change our routine a little bit.

Then, only hours later, Emma had to go to her last piano lesson with Ms. Dorane. Dorane Subjack found her way into our lives last fall and she and Emma immediately hit it off. Come to find out, Emma is a very good piano student. Yet I must say that it is hugely due to her teacher. I will never forget the way Emma and Ms. Dorane giggled their way through a lesson. And in the end, just when you could not imagine that Emma could have possibly learned anything, she was able to play exactly what was asked of her - and play it very well. Great teachers of our children are a tremendous blessing. I'm very sad that we will not be able to continue with Dorane. Lord, please send us another great teacher that can fill her shoes.

SO, routines come and go. Schedules change and change again. Lord, please always keep us grounded no matter what change comes our way. And please always guide us to the next plan of action.

Adventures in Homeschooling

Today is a big day. Only last week Emma officially finished first grade. It has truly been so much fun. She is a great student and has made my first attempt at homeschooling a joy - most days. Yes, we have had plenty days of fighting it out in order to get the work done. But as soon as I am able to convince her that she does not have any other options than to sit until everything is finished, she does well.

I'm still not as creative as I would like to be as a teacher, but I continue to work on it. I look forward to the day that I have 3 kids around the table all doing their work at the same time, instead of one trying to work, another needing a snack and another standing on top of the kitchen table begging for a piece of gum. Then again, that will mean that my babies are growing up and getting older. So I suppose that day will be both bitter and sweet.

But for today, Emma has started in on second grade. We are going to take it extremely slow through the summer and take lots of breaks. Yet, I plan to continue - more than anything because I need something to occupy her time. To stop for a couple of months would really throw off the dynamics in our household just as we are getting into the routine of things.

So. . .wish me luck. I will also begin teaching Claire to read very soon.