Money

There is no other thing that I have more of a love/hate relationship with in this life than money. Have you ever felt that way? Money seems to come around just long enough for you to take a deep breath and then whoosh, it's gone again. There is nothing else that has the power to change my mood than this horrible thing that even the Bible calls the "root of all evil." Money has the power to change me from a peaceful person to an angry, anxious and scared person in only a matter of moments. Credits, yea! Debits, o no!!! And when the debits outweigh the credits, everyone had better watch out! Amy's level of anxiety has been raised to a 10 and the fallout of my mood is going to affect everyone in arms reach.

Now that's a sad confession.

Do I want to be this way? Of course not. My mind knows all the right answers when it comes to tight situations. God is the great provider. God has never, ever let us fall. God has blessed our family "exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine (Eph, 3:20)." Is he going to stop today? Is he going to stop next week or next year? No. God did not sign on to be with us and provide for us for only 18 or 21 or 45 years. He signed on for life - and for life eternal.

So why do I get so crazy when bills add up and there seems to be no hope of staying afloat? If I say I know God and trust God, why do I doubt him when things seem out of my control? That is the exact moment that he promises to step in, isn't it? That's why he brings us to those places, isn't it? That's how he makes us dependent on him, right? But, o, how I can't stand it! How I hate to be pushed to the edge. How I hate to be dependent on anyone - even God. That must be pride, huh?

So what can I do when life is life and throws it's rotten eggs? Breathe. . .Take a deep breath, pray for my own sanity, pray for God's hand of protection and provision once again, truly give the matter to him (which is SUPER hard) and wait. I can not figure out the debits of life on my own. I have no power to fix anything. All I can do is live each day, take what comes and trust God to handle the rest.

God, please help me to roll peacefully with the punches, cease knocking those around me out along the way, breathe easily and trust you more.