Chaos

Chaos makes me so mad! It sucks the life right out of me some days. I am the introvert. I get drained very quickly when too many people are surrounding me. I thrive when I am alone. Yet, I love people. I love relationships and the challenges that come with them. That's how I grow the most - dealing with and doing life with people. But when it all turns into chaos I don't find it quite so enjoyable.

This is an interesting season in my life. I am quickly becoming a master multi-tasker. There is something about that that fuels me - the thrill of accomplishment at the end of the week. On Sunday afternoon when I get home from church and curl up in my bed I have no guilt. I know that the nap that is about to follow is much deserved. I know that the relaxation is much needed. And it is good rest.

The rest of the evening on Sunday's I am basically useless. Then comes the light of a new day. And as I wake up on Monday the chaos begins once again. Everyone wants breakfast. Olivia needs her morning fix of gum. Dishes are dirty from the day before. Loads and loads of laundry hide my bedroom floor. It's time for gymnastics. We need to eat lunch. Emma needs to practice piano and complete another day of school. Don't forget to help her memorize her multiplication tables! Kevin comes home. We all need dinner. Is it that time already? I still have emails to respond to from church and copies to make for next Sunday. The dog is sick. The humidifier in the hallway is growing some sort of nastiness that needs to be cleaned. The phone rings. All I want is 45 minutes to exercise and 20 minutes to read my Bible or a good book. Chaos!

So these days I'm learning to manage the chaos. I'm learning to say "no" more and I'm learning to pray more. And when I get a chance, I'm learning to escape. Maybe I need to write like today. Maybe I need a cup of Starbucks sugar-free vanilla, extra hot, no foam, 2% latte and a quiet drive in the car. Maybe I need Kevin's laptop and Grey's Anatomy on abc.go.com. Maybe I need to read a book or just quietly sit and listen to what God might have to say. Whatever it might be, I need to continue to learn to manage myself in such a way that life can't win at sucking out all of my juice. Because, you see, I have a family that needs me. They need me to be fresh for them. Kevin needs me to be sweet to him instead of a bear. I need to remember to laugh with them and enjoy them instead of just manage them. What a hard line it is to walk some days.

But I'm learning.

Chaos will probably forever make me crazy. I will probably always be working to tame that part of life. But today I am good. I'm just taking it slow and steady. But I'm sure that many unexpected are just around the corner.

Even Bigger than "Biggie" Sized

Tonight I feel like writing, although I must admit that as I type I really have no clear direction of where I am headed with this. Life is moving along. There is the basic chaos that everyone lives in. I would never consider myself living a life that is more crazy from the next person. We all live crazy, unpredictable lives, don't we? But we manage. Some days we manage well. Others we fall apart. If we are lucky, the well managed days outweigh the fall apart days. We have carried on with what we see as important and worth while. And we breathe. . . and hopefully we laugh and love. And with any luck we look back in the quiet of an evening just like this one and feel as if we have accomplished something good.

"With any luck". . .that phrase I just wrote bothers me all of a sudden. It's not luck. There is no such thing. It's about grace. It's the grace that only can come from a Heavenly Father who is much more powerfully in control than I, who dictates our days. It is his Holy Spirit that guides and prompts and pulls at our heart strings until we finally get up off our backsides and choose to take the right steps. . .choose to live a life purposefully worth while. If at any time luck comes in, it is in being "lucky" enough to be able to turn off the world around us long enough to experience the guidance that is so freely offered every second of every day. Maybe some day I will master that one.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be another one of those pivotal points in my life. And this is why. . .it's because God has me asking this question over and over again, "What does it mean to dream big with God?" What does it mean to dream Ephesians 3:20? "God wants to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine." I am the queen of limitations. I look at the checkbook or the bank account and freak out because I can't see with my own eyes or understand with my own brain how bills will possibly get paid. I think about going oversees again this summer and I laugh to myself as I can't imagine how I could ever be able to afford it. I think about speaking in front of a group and get filled with butterflies as I tell myself my gift is not teaching so I can't do it well. I limit myself and I limit God all of the time. And I settle for well managed days instead of vibrant ones.

Dream big. If we were all to truly dream as big as God might want us to dream and fully trust that God is big enough to fulfill those dreams, what might happen? There would be stories upon stories of God's provision. There would be life upon life changed. There would be an overflow of life transformation happening around us all of the time because so many unexplainable things would be happening every day. God would be the only answer to why. He would get all the credit because there is no way things so grand could happen without the hand of the Divine. Wouldn't that be cool?

And life would not be the ball of chaos that we see it as today. Life would be a life of purpose and vision. We would not be limited because we would be so connected to the Divine that the overflow of a transformed heart would ooze out on to everyone we met. Life would not be easy or painless. But life would be freeing instead of confining - purposeful instead of packed full. Maybe we would never feel stuck again. Maybe we would truly live a full and abundant life.

You see, I am becoming more and more convinced that we live mediocre lives because we believe that we serve a mediocre God. I fail on a daily basis to remember the power of the Almighty. I fail to remember that he wants to trickle that power down on me. I fail to remember that he is the King and that makes me a princess. I'm great at putting God in his nice little God box. I only expect him to show up in crisis and on special occasions.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I want to pray that Prayer of Jabez and wait for my life and land to be increased. No, I fully expect God's big dream for Amy to bring me to my knees instead of raise me on the clouds. But I'd much rather be on my knees resting in the fullness of what God wants for me than to be crawling on my own going nowhere.

In 2007 and every year to come I just don't want to settle for simply being happy that the well managed and peaceful days outweigh the fall apart ones. I want to set my sights on God-sized dreams. Like at Wendy's, I really want to dream even bigger than "Biggie size" dreams for this year and see what God might do. I can't wait to write and tell you all of the ridiculous things that God does. I wait expectantly. I wonder what specifically I should dream? Please, God, let me know.

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"What was once known as a 'biggie' drink at Wendy's is now just a 'medium.' Soft drinks now come in small, medium and large sizes only. The 42-ounce large is equal to three-and-a-half cans of soda." Now that's what I call "exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine!!"hahaha

Kicking My Butt

Yep, God seems to be doing that quite often these days. And you know, it's all my fault. :-) You see, about 4 months ago Kevin and I were sharing in a small group about the times that God has forced us to take huge leaps of faith in our lives and in our marriage. It was fun to share and even fun to think back on - remembering the hard times and being on the other side, seeing how God provided. That night on the way home I made the ridiculous mistake of saying to Kevin that I kinda wish one of those faith step moments would happen again. Lesson #1 - Don't ever say that!!!!! It's like asking for patience. Everyone says don't do it or you will have to go through a tough time of God giving something horrible to you to be patient about. Well, don't ever say you want to work on your character some more by being faced with a faith step either.

My character is exhausted!! For the last 3 months God has allowed stress after stress to pile up on me on the money end of life like he has not done in a very long time. That is not what I meant when I asked for faith steps to be presented. In my mind I think I was dreaming of something fun and crazy that he might ask us to do, and my character growth would be in the faithful following of that. But no - instead God decides once again to hit me with the issue of money. "When will I be enough, Amy?" "When will you truly trust me to provide?" "How are you going to handle this hit and this little twist of the knife?" "How is your integrity?" "How emotionally tied to this money stuff are you?" "Do you remember that I own it all?" "Do you remember that I can give and take away at a moment's notice?"

So last Sunday I was sitting in church with all of my girls worshipping to a song that is really dear to my heart. "Blessed Be the Name" was the first song that we ever sang at Cool River. Josh was playing and we were meeting at the AMC. Every single time I hear that song I have such fond memories. And as I was singing and thinking about that again, God opened my ears to the words in a different way. . .

Blessed be the Name in the Land that is Plentiful
Where the Streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be you name
One the road marked with suffering
When there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be the name. . . . .
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name. . . .

And it struck me - it's about saying "blessed be your name" to God, no matter what. That was the lesson he wanted me to get!

Blessed be his name no matter what. Blessed be his name when the credits and debits don't match up. Blessed be his name when there is money in the saving account and when there is not. Blessed be his name when the dog gets sick, when the taxes are great, when the hospital bills come, when someone else unknowlingly makes a mistake that causes me grief or when a car accident happens that causes unexpected repairs. Blessed by his name when my children laugh as they are burying themselves in the snow. Blessed be his name when Kevin and I have a great date night. Blessed be his name when I sit in the mountains of Vietnam. Blessed be his name when the sun comes up another day. Blessed be his name when we get 45 inches of snow and I am stuck in the house for days. Blessed be his name!

That's it.

I get it.

Lord, blessed be your name.

Claire Flies Into the New Year

New Beginnings

Happy 2007! With only a few hours to go, I suppose it would be appropriate to spend a little bit of time reflecting on 2006 and dreaming about what 2007 might be. I just love new beginnings. Kevin has always said to me that I am a great starter. So this time of year really excites me. A fresh new calendar, a clean slate. . .that feeling like you had back in school when you opened up a brand new, fresh, clean notebook for the very first time. . .so many possibilities.

2006 has been a great year for the Colon family. I can't say that there has been any tremendously huge drama. We have ridden the ride of Cool River for another year. God has blessed and grown that entire community. We have made some new friends and grown closer to many old ones.

As a family we have traveled a lot. Kevin went to Vietnam twice and I finally got to return again after 7 years of longing to be back there. We spent a week in Glorietta, New Mexico, and made it back home to Kentucky 2 times.

Emma turned 7 and we have successfully made it through the first semester of second grade homeschooling. She made the decision to follow Jesus this fall and become a Christian. That was this years biggest blessing for our family. Claire turned 5 and has made really big steps toward overcoming her shyness. I see her coming into her own unique personality as 2007 begins. Olivia is simply a pleasant, adorable 3 year old with a mind of her own.

I can't say that I have and regrets as 2006 ends. Are there many things to improve in 2007? Absolutely! For one, I want Kevin to be able to say that not only am I a good starter but a good finisher. There is going to be a great opportunity to be just that as I will be serving as the interim children's pastor at church this year. 2007 is going to be a great juggling act. Between homeschool, raising a family, church, this new job, going back to Vietnam, family time and "me" time, it is going to be a year spent like never before. It almost feels as if we are stepping back in time to those seminary days in Ft. Worth when so much was happening as Kevin and I were trying to do church and family and finish our degrees. But what an incredible time that was! Hard - but so worth the work. These are my expectations for the new year as well. Hopefully I am even better prepared today for the challenge.

So what is the mark of a successful year? - to look back and see that I have grown. . . to see that I am not where I was this time last year. . .to see that I have not taken steps backward but made strides forward. Have I stumbled along the way? More than I would like to admit. But in the end, I am pleased and I am ready for yet another new start. I can't wait to write again next year at this same time. I'm sure I could not even begin to imagine what lies ahead.

New Year's Resolution? I don't even bother making those because I always break them at about week 2. But new year's goals and dreams. . .here's a few.

To dream bigger.

To trust God more and spend even more time studying.

To worry less.

To win the reading war with Kevin - we are planning to see who can read the most books this year. Last year I read over 25 so my goal is at least 30.

To return to Vietnam - the dream would be to go as a family, but that would be a big God thing if it became possible.

To mentor and build more meaningful friendships.

To serve and finish well with Cool River Kids.

Go on a mini "Amy" vacation

To be more purposeful in spending quality fun time with my girls.

To continue date night with Kevin and plan a mini vacation just for the two of us.

I'm sure there are many other things to dream of and hope for. I can't even imagine them all because I have no idea what the future holds. As I write throughout the next year, I'm sure there will be many goals accomplished and many surprises realized. Here we go. . . .

The Journey Continues

To read about my new adventure, click here. . .

Money

There is no other thing that I have more of a love/hate relationship with in this life than money. Have you ever felt that way? Money seems to come around just long enough for you to take a deep breath and then whoosh, it's gone again. There is nothing else that has the power to change my mood than this horrible thing that even the Bible calls the "root of all evil." Money has the power to change me from a peaceful person to an angry, anxious and scared person in only a matter of moments. Credits, yea! Debits, o no!!! And when the debits outweigh the credits, everyone had better watch out! Amy's level of anxiety has been raised to a 10 and the fallout of my mood is going to affect everyone in arms reach.

Now that's a sad confession.

Do I want to be this way? Of course not. My mind knows all the right answers when it comes to tight situations. God is the great provider. God has never, ever let us fall. God has blessed our family "exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine (Eph, 3:20)." Is he going to stop today? Is he going to stop next week or next year? No. God did not sign on to be with us and provide for us for only 18 or 21 or 45 years. He signed on for life - and for life eternal.

So why do I get so crazy when bills add up and there seems to be no hope of staying afloat? If I say I know God and trust God, why do I doubt him when things seem out of my control? That is the exact moment that he promises to step in, isn't it? That's why he brings us to those places, isn't it? That's how he makes us dependent on him, right? But, o, how I can't stand it! How I hate to be pushed to the edge. How I hate to be dependent on anyone - even God. That must be pride, huh?

So what can I do when life is life and throws it's rotten eggs? Breathe. . .Take a deep breath, pray for my own sanity, pray for God's hand of protection and provision once again, truly give the matter to him (which is SUPER hard) and wait. I can not figure out the debits of life on my own. I have no power to fix anything. All I can do is live each day, take what comes and trust God to handle the rest.

God, please help me to roll peacefully with the punches, cease knocking those around me out along the way, breathe easily and trust you more.

Christmas Morning

More memories. . .

Christmas morning in my house growing up was always very peaceful. Christmas music would be playing when I awoke and Mom would always try to give me hot chocolate that I was much too excited to ever drink. It was never any huge production. I really like that. Because I grew up and only child, everything was always very calm and orderly - very unlike Christmas mornings at my house today. You know, I never understood until I became a parent the whole deal about why my mom and dad waited so long to open their own gifts on Christmas morning. I was always more than ready to tear into mine. I would open everything and have it all arranged just perfectly so that I could then sit back and observe all that I had received and my parents would still have a pile of gifts wrapped neatly at their feet. But I get it now. I'm just like them now. The gifts for me mean very little in comparison to the opportunity to watch the expressions on my girls' faces as they open their own.

Next, it was time to get dressed and go to Katie and Pappy's house. You know, I was a little girl when Pappy was with us for Christmas. I don't remember a lot. But in my mind I can still see him at the head of the table for Christmas morning breakfast. It was always a breakfast with all the trimmings - especially country ham. But the gifts had to come first. I remember Nancy still dressed in some long, cozy extra warm gown and robe (she was always so cold!) sitting in the middle of the floor with me as we passed out presents together. Just like Mom and Dad, Katie and Mamaw would watch and watch as everyone else opened their gifts. Then we would have to wait another fifteen minutes for them to finally open theirs. Santa visited so many houses when I was a kid. I wonder how he ever knew that I was going to be coming to them all? Every place I went I had a gift that said "from Santa" on the tag. I eventually figured it out that that usually meant "from Katie" instead. Surely the real Santa would not give Dad and Wayne underwear and socks.

The day ended with a meal once again (we ate a lot) at Grandma and Papaw's house. And that was Christmas. It was a wonderful time. Christmas as a kid will always be some of my very best memories. So to Mom and Dad, Katie and Pappy, Nancy and Wayne, Mamaw and Aaron, Willa, Jack and Rose, Grandma and Papaw, Ma, Kay, Gay, Jeff and all the family - thank you from the bottom of my heart for the memories. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for providing me a great foundation - a wonderful and healthy start. Thank you for the security of home and happiness. Thank you for investing in me and loving me. I miss you!

And when Emma, Claire and Olivia grow up I hope that they will also be able to look back and remember all the little things and all the love that they found in their holiday traditions, too. It's not easy to be so far away from "home" this time of year. But I am blessed and thankful for all the new memories I get to make.

I'll Be Home for Christmas. . .

if only in my dreams. . . . .

Well, it's Christmas Eve. . .and I am home. No, not "home." "Home" is many, many miles away. At "home" right now it's late afternoon. Grandma and Papaw are already watching and waiting for the first sign of family to drive up. Their video camera is charged and ready to go. Either coconut or jam cake is on the kitchen counter ready to be enjoyed by all. All of the kids have grown up now. It's not the same as it used to be. But it is tradition all the same.

I remember as a kid being so excited to finally get to Grandma and Papaw's house because it was there that we would sit and watch for Santa's sleigh on the evening news. Then Dad would tell me that we had better hurry home before Santa got to our house. So after bagging up all of the mounds of wrapping paper and loading the trunk of the car with all of our goodies, we would say "goodbye" and Christmas Eve would officially come to an end. I will forever cherish the memories of that crowded little living room full of family and love.

. . . . . .

Christmas Eve growing up was quite the event. I'm not sure what time the festivities started, but I am quite sure that I have no idea how we fit everything in. The best I can remember, we started our night at Willa and Jack's house. As a little girl I was always so happy to be there. They always had a UK game on the tv and Christmas music in the background. The tree was huge and the presents were so many that they filled the entire room. This was a time to be with family that I did not see very often except for the holidays. Rose and Willa always prepared the yummiest food and as a little girl I remember always hearing Janet Webb's voice in the background. We always put our coats in Jack and Willa's bedroom and as the night went on I remember wanting to escape back into that room and look around. I'm not sure why. I think I was always fascinated because Jack and Willa slept on two twin beds. Isn't it funny the things that our minds store away as lasting memories?

After Willa and Jack's it was on to church for the Christmas Eve service and then to Mamaw and Aaron's house. And what do I remember about that?. . . Ina's cream candy packaged in mason jars and curly ribbon, a stocking filled with half dollars and yummy fruit, a tiny little tree that sat on a small table and all around it was surrounded with First Bank and Trust envelopes for the whole family. I remember Aaron sitting in his gold colored chair and Mamaw in her thin striped green dress with a little zipper on the front and a Christmas pin. And I remember her laughing so hard that she could hardly catch her breath as she told her stories.

I wonder. . .what kind of memories will my girls have of the holidays? It's not the same today as it was back then. Our town was small. My family surrounded me. I can't recall that I ever received a UPS box filled with gifts or a Christmas card that said "Merry Christmas from across the miles." But. . .tonight we are HOME. The snow is falling again tonight. We are having a very white Christmas (of 30+ inches of snow). We are together. Our house is warm and filled with love. It's good. So, Merry Christmas across the miles to all of my family!

Merry Christmas!!!

Today's "Olivia-isms"

"Claire hurt my feelings and I need to go to the doctor!"

With hands on her hips and lip out. . ."I don't want God to keep me safe tonight. And I can have good dreams all my myself!"

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!

We have been listening to Christmas music a lot in our house lately. It's hard to believe that it is already that time of year again. But today I can say that officially "it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas." As I sit here at the computer I am looking out of my window to about 4 leftover inches of snow from earlier in the week as even more is right now falling from the sky. That's Colorado for ya. We had a 70 degree Thanksgiving. Now the snow is here. And on Christmas day it will once again probably be a balmy and sunny day. O, but we love the snow. We will take it when we can get it.

As a family we have always made it a point to wait until after Claire's birthday on the 5th to put up our tree in an attempt to separate the two holidays. This year we are going home to Kentucky before Christmas so I had to break my rule and put up the tree already. It's a kid tree with penguins and Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake, Dora and princesses. And already it has been such a joy to watch the girls excitement over it. With only the lights on the tree they were already "practicing for Christmas." They turned all of the lights in the entire house off except for the tree and then went around gathering up anything they could find to pose as presents - dirty clothes, shoes, old toys - whatever was on the floor. They placed the "presents" under the tree, ran upstairs to pretend they were sleeping, ran down the steps when it was time to wake up, asked if they could see their gifts and very excitedly opened each one. This provided an entire evening of entertainment.

Now the ornaments are on and all is complete. The snow is falling. The house is clean. And what do I intend to do today? Absolutely NOTHING! We have a gingerbread house to decorate, a UK basketball game to watch and a party to go to tonight. It's Saturday and I 'm thrilled to be able to relax. We leave for Kentucky on Monday. Can't wait!

Happy Holidays to all!

Happy Turkey Day!

Today was the first ever Thanksgiving that we have spent alone as a family. It really was a lot of fun. We started out the day with a 9:45am movie - Santa Clause 3. Then it was off to Flagstaff mountain in Boulder. We hiked up for about 40 minutes. I was amazed at how well the girls did. They climbed and slipped and fell and got back up again so many times, but no one fussed to go back down. In the end it was Maverick who could not go any farther and we had to turn around to go home. After naps and a little caffeine, it was time to cook. Thank you Honey Baked Ham Co. for the yummy turkey, dressing and gravy! After adding a few sides and a chocolate cake, we had a really good Thanksgiving feast, if I do say so myself. Now it is time to say goodnight. The vacation is over and tomorrow is another day. . .

Dancing with the Stars

No one sitting at home on Wednesday night could have possibly cheered more than the Colon girls when Emmitt and Cheryl won. As a family we have followed this show since the start. It has by far been the best family show ever! From Olivia who is 3 years old all the way to Kevin and I and even Gran and Pop in Kentucky, we have all spent the last 10 weeks on the edge of our seats cheering on our favorites. Emmitt was my pick from the start. Olivia and Claire, on the other hand, were Mario and Karina fans. But in the end, we all danced around as Emmitt held the trophy high in the air.

What craziness it is to get so excited. But what incredible memories we have made with our girls through it all. I'm so sad it's over.

Click Here to Watch Emmitt and Cheryl Dance

My Favorite Clip Here

Operation Christmas Child

Today Emma, Claire and I delivered the Operation Christmas Child boxes that we collected at Cool River. The total was 41 - not bad for a church of 120. It was a lot of fun to watch Emma and Claire unload the van and carry the boxes in one by one. Lord, I really do pray that as we continue to teach them and stress the importance of giving to others that they will get it. I have 3 little girls that are extremely blessed. They have family that loves them and would do anything to take care of them. They have toys and computers and books and friends. They have more than enough clothes to wear and shoes to keep their feet warm even in the coldest of winter. They are happy children.

Sometimes I just really don't get why God allows some people to have so much and some to have so little - especially children. It makes me think back to the children I have met in Vietnam. They are some of the happiest kids I have ever seen - and their happiness is different from Emma, Claire and Olivia's. Their happiness is dependent upon nothing else than the love and care of their family. They don't have toys and Gameboys and battery operated Barbie Hummers. They have each other. They find value in helping the family. They experience nature and God's surroundings daily. Sure, they have it tough - in our eyes. But they don't even know it. Their own life is all they know and they are content. It's all about perspective.

Lord, help Kevin and I during this holiday season to teach our kids more and more about caring for others and being happy just because they belong to a family and they belong to you. It is such a huge uphill battle - this holiday season that we have commercialized so much. I really want our girls to see the "true meaning" of the holidays. Make me wise in how to assist in bringing that about for them.

Merry Christmas to the kids who receive our three little shoe boxes! It's not much, but they are filled with love.

Emma's Special Day

For about the last year Kevin and I have been having spiritual conversations with Emma. It all started when she began seeing her friends get baptized. She all of a sudden wanted to do it, too. But I think it was all about the novelty of getting to hop into a hot tub at church. Still, this led us on a journey of teaching and talking with her more and more about sin, Heaven, Hell, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Every day we have been doing our Bible lessons in school. Emma has become quite the whiz at looking up scripture. And lately I had started noticing a spark in her eyes and a lift in her voice, as if when she read her Bible out loud it really meant something to her. It was like she was truly trying to understand what it was saying and not just get her school work done.

Just last Sunday a man spoke to the children at church. He was an illusionist and ventriliquist. And in the middle of his performance I heard that he shared the Gospel a number of times. And that, I believe, was the event that brought about a moment of understanding for Emma. The pieces started to connect. Somehow this week all of her head knowledge about Jesus dying on the cross to save her from her sins and make it possible for her to have eternal life in Heaven made its way down into her heart.

As one event led to another, today Kevin told Emma that soon we would be having another baptism at Cool River. They talked and once again she told him that she wanted to be baptized. Then tonight as I was reading to her before bedtime (an absolutely incredible book called "Leading Little Ones to God" that we have been reading for about a month now) I asked her if she had ever prayed the prayer to ask Jesus into her heart. She said "yes." - though she couldn't give me any details as to what she said.

Up until today I have been very skeptical that she truly understood the whole salvation and baptism thing. But today, I know. My own spirit is confident that as much as her little mind can comprehend right now, she gets it. She loves God and Jesus and wants to be with God in Heaven forever. She knows that her sin separated her from God. And tonight, as I sat on her bed and helped her to pray once again, she asked Jesus into her heart. Granted, I did not hear her words. She did not want to say them out loud. But I "heard" them. They were real. And her face lit up afterwards, knowing that something very special and important had just occured.

And as she ran downstairs to tell her Daddy that she had just prayed "the Jesus prayer" I knew once again that God had been faithful. For it is by nothing that I did that drew Emma's heart to God. Kevin and I gave her lots of head knowledge, but it was the Holy Spirit who drew her little 7 year old heart to his today.

So Emma's journey has just begun. . .

Significance

The last few days have been a whirlwind. We have had friends visiting from Texas and a weekend away in the Springs. Then on top of it all (and the best part), it was church as usual today. Lord, thank you for the stamina to lead the life that you have placed before me.

So often it seeems as if we as Americans almost thrive on the stress and busyness of our lives. It's like we almost feel less significant in some way if we don't have a million things on our "to do list" to juggle and talk about. We complain about busyness, and yet we live for it.

I fall into this catagory way too often. I say that I wish life would slow down. I am mindful of days when life was more simplistic. But when it comes down to it, is it slowing down that I really want? No. I tend to think that it is significance - the knowing that all of the wheel spinning has been worthwhile. The pace of life has become the norm. But at the end of the day, have I truly done something of significance? Some days, yes. Many - no. . .

Luckily, this weekend I was reminded once again of the significance of starting Cool River. As I sat in a room filled with many other couples from Colorado who are doing the life of church planting just as Kevin and I are, I was reminded of God's purpose and call and vision. I was reminded of the significance of the daily hustle and bustle of developing a community of faith in Superior. I was reminded of the eternal lives at stake. I gained perspective once again.

We stayed at a castle when we were with all of these other church planters. It was a beautiful place nestled in the mountains. And we were surrounded for 2 days by people who were much like Kevin and myself and at the same time, as different as night and day from us. It was very interesting. We all had the same "call" from the Lord - to help to bring others into the Kingdom, to make disciples and bring a community of faith to the location that God had called us. But much of the commonality stopped there.

These days there are so many different genres of "church" happening that the average person's head might be sent swimming into confusion. I say that because I am average and I have a headache. There is the ever traditional church (that one is now being called "legacy" style church, by the way). There is contemporary church and seeker sensitive church and cell church and house church. There is good old Southern Baptist hymn singing church all the way to church that is so much on the edge of style that I don't even know what they call it. Churches meet in schools and buildings and crystal cathedrals and homes. Then to top it all off, you take all of those different types of communities of Christian faith and pair them up with the people that God created so uniquely different to lead them. . .and you really do have huge ball of confusion. And yet, it can be a beautiful confusion if we are careful not to think too highly of ourselves and our own preferences and realize that God's church is just as unique as God's creation.

And the really cool part of it all is that there is significance to be found in them all. I get so tired of one practitioner trying to convince me that his style is truly the most holy and biblical of them all. I get so tired of the complaining that comes from the person set so much in their own ways that they can't imagine God ever moving anywhere outside of where their brains might be able to comprehend. The way I see it is if at the end of the day the presence of the Holy Spirit was known and people are coming to know the Lord in a truely relational way that brings about life transformation, then it can't matter how or when or where "church" was done. The significance is found in the fruit of the labor. If God can bless and use a man like Billy Graham as well as a rock star like Bono and a 25 year old little Vietnamese guy in the Northern mountains Vietnam - all who are radically different - to spread the truth of the saving grace of God, then I should assume that he can use any style of church to do the same.

Now I am no scholar on this matter - thank God. I'm sure that some would try their best to shoot holes in all of my thoughts. But aren't you glad that God chooses to give significance and honor to all of those who are striving with the purest heart possible to serve him, even though they might be different from us?

You know, I got frustrated a lot this weekend as pastors with good hearts took perch upon their soapboxes to rally the troops over to their side of the fence. Many (not all) house church people think that they have recovered an approach that will truly bring us back to the roots of the first century church in it's purest form and everyone else is chugging down the wrong path to true disciple making. Organized church people can't fathom letting go of their systems that they have known for so many years. All are doing phenominal things for the Kingdom. All are flawed. All stand testimony to the diversity of God the Father. There is significance in them all. If done by the leading of the Holy Spirit, all play their part in God's divine plan to draw his creation to himself.

So, is all this daily wheel spinning significant? Absolutely. Do we ever get off track? Absolutely. Is there room for complaining about our fellow worker in Christ and lobbying for people called of God to start a church to jump on board with the latest new trend? No way! Eternity is at stake. God's creation is diverse. God's call is unique to each individual. The world is full of many different people. Thank goodness that significance is not granted by sinful people like me. The blessing is given at the end of the day when our heads hit the pillow and we hear the Holy Spirit quietly whisper "well done."

WOW!

So I left Kevin home alone with the girls for about 30 minutes on Friday. . .
Yep, that's blue fingernail polish. . .AGAIN! (This time I learned my lesson and threw it away.)

Saturday

Pumpkins from Katie and
Minnie at the mall. . .

Where do you "find" God?

What kind of question is that? Where do you find God? God is with us everywhere we go, right? That is the good Sunday school answer. But often it is as if he is just along for the ride and I seem to forget more times than I should that he is there. Can you relate? If so, maybe you can also relate to that feeling that can come to the pit of your stomach when you just know that it is time to slow down, catch your breath, relax and just be with the Lord. So where do you go? Where do you find God?

I know that some people find him in the early morning when the world seems to still be asleep. Some find him in the mountains while taking a hike or on the lake while fishing. Other people just like to take a ride with him in the car while going basically nowhere. That used to be one of my favorites until gas prices became so ridiculous. Starbucks with a journal, Bible and good book is also on the top of my list. But if you want to know my favorite place to sit quietly with God, it would be. . .get this. . . the Omni Hotel. Yep, that's right. Now don't steal my spot! I don't want to see you the next time I go loitering there on a late night. But that's where I go. That is where I find Him.

Big comfy couches, a fireplace, pretty music playing in the background (and a Starbucks that I pick up on the way) . . . this is my idea of relaxation. This is my idea of sitting with God. This is the environment where I hear God and learn from God the best. I'm such a yuppie, aren't I!? Yup!

Why do I feel compelled to write about this? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe you need to find your place to hang out with God, too.