Chaos

Chaos makes me so mad! It sucks the life right out of me some days. I am the introvert. I get drained very quickly when too many people are surrounding me. I thrive when I am alone. Yet, I love people. I love relationships and the challenges that come with them. That's how I grow the most - dealing with and doing life with people. But when it all turns into chaos I don't find it quite so enjoyable.

This is an interesting season in my life. I am quickly becoming a master multi-tasker. There is something about that that fuels me - the thrill of accomplishment at the end of the week. On Sunday afternoon when I get home from church and curl up in my bed I have no guilt. I know that the nap that is about to follow is much deserved. I know that the relaxation is much needed. And it is good rest.

The rest of the evening on Sunday's I am basically useless. Then comes the light of a new day. And as I wake up on Monday the chaos begins once again. Everyone wants breakfast. Olivia needs her morning fix of gum. Dishes are dirty from the day before. Loads and loads of laundry hide my bedroom floor. It's time for gymnastics. We need to eat lunch. Emma needs to practice piano and complete another day of school. Don't forget to help her memorize her multiplication tables! Kevin comes home. We all need dinner. Is it that time already? I still have emails to respond to from church and copies to make for next Sunday. The dog is sick. The humidifier in the hallway is growing some sort of nastiness that needs to be cleaned. The phone rings. All I want is 45 minutes to exercise and 20 minutes to read my Bible or a good book. Chaos!

So these days I'm learning to manage the chaos. I'm learning to say "no" more and I'm learning to pray more. And when I get a chance, I'm learning to escape. Maybe I need to write like today. Maybe I need a cup of Starbucks sugar-free vanilla, extra hot, no foam, 2% latte and a quiet drive in the car. Maybe I need Kevin's laptop and Grey's Anatomy on abc.go.com. Maybe I need to read a book or just quietly sit and listen to what God might have to say. Whatever it might be, I need to continue to learn to manage myself in such a way that life can't win at sucking out all of my juice. Because, you see, I have a family that needs me. They need me to be fresh for them. Kevin needs me to be sweet to him instead of a bear. I need to remember to laugh with them and enjoy them instead of just manage them. What a hard line it is to walk some days.

But I'm learning.

Chaos will probably forever make me crazy. I will probably always be working to tame that part of life. But today I am good. I'm just taking it slow and steady. But I'm sure that many unexpected are just around the corner.