Tonight I feel like writing, although I must admit that as I type I really have no clear direction of where I am headed with this. Life is moving along. There is the basic chaos that everyone lives in. I would never consider myself living a life that is more crazy from the next person. We all live crazy, unpredictable lives, don't we? But we manage. Some days we manage well. Others we fall apart. If we are lucky, the well managed days outweigh the fall apart days. We have carried on with what we see as important and worth while. And we breathe. . . and hopefully we laugh and love. And with any luck we look back in the quiet of an evening just like this one and feel as if we have accomplished something good."With any luck". . .that phrase I just wrote bothers me all of a sudden. It's not luck. There is no such thing. It's about grace. It's the grace that only can come from a Heavenly Father who is much more powerfully in control than I, who dictates our days. It is his Holy Spirit that guides and prompts and pulls at our heart strings until we finally get up off our backsides and choose to take the right steps. . .choose to live a life purposefully worth while. If at any time luck comes in, it is in being "lucky" enough to be able to turn off the world around us long enough to experience the guidance that is so freely offered every second of every day. Maybe some day I will master that one.
I have a feeling that this year is going to be another one of those pivotal points in my life. And this is why. . .it's because God has me asking this question over and over again, "What does it mean to dream big with God?" What does it mean to dream Ephesians 3:20? "God wants to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine." I am the queen of limitations. I look at the checkbook or the bank account and freak out because I can't see with my own eyes or understand with my own brain how bills will possibly get paid. I think about going oversees again this summer and I laugh to myself as I can't imagine how I could ever be able to afford it. I think about speaking in front of a group and get filled with butterflies as I tell myself my gift is not teaching so I can't do it well. I limit myself and I limit God all of the time. And I settle for well managed days instead of vibrant ones.
Dream big. If we were all to truly dream as big as God might want us to dream and fully trust that God is big enough to fulfill those dreams, what might happen? There would be stories upon stories of God's provision. There would be life upon life changed. There would be an overflow of life transformation happening around us all of the time because so many unexplainable things would be happening every day. God would be the only answer to why. He would get all the credit because there is no way things so grand could happen without the hand of the Divine. Wouldn't that be cool?
And life would not be the ball of chaos that we see it as today. Life would be a life of purpose and vision. We would not be limited because we would be so connected to the Divine that the overflow of a transformed heart would ooze out on to everyone we met. Life would not be easy or painless. But life would be freeing instead of confining - purposeful instead of packed full. Maybe we would never feel stuck again. Maybe we would truly live a full and abundant life.
You see, I am becoming more and more convinced that we live mediocre lives because we believe that we serve a mediocre God. I fail on a daily basis to remember the power of the Almighty. I fail to remember that he wants to trickle that power down on me. I fail to remember that he is the King and that makes me a princess. I'm great at putting God in his nice little God box. I only expect him to show up in crisis and on special occasions.
Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I want to pray that Prayer of Jabez and wait for my life and land to be increased. No, I fully expect God's big dream for Amy to bring me to my knees instead of raise me on the clouds. But I'd much rather be on my knees resting in the fullness of what God wants for me than to be crawling on my own going nowhere.
In 2007 and every year to come I just don't want to settle for simply being happy that the well managed and peaceful days outweigh the fall apart ones. I want to set my sights on God-sized dreams. Like at Wendy's, I really want to dream even bigger than "Biggie size" dreams for this year and see what God might do. I can't wait to write and tell you all of the ridiculous things that God does. I wait expectantly. I wonder what specifically I should dream? Please, God, let me know.
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"What was once known as a 'biggie' drink at Wendy's is now just a 'medium.' Soft drinks now come in small, medium and large sizes only. The 42-ounce large is equal to three-and-a-half cans of soda." Now that's what I call "exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine!!"hahaha
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