Olivia is 4 Today!!!!

THEN. . .

and NOW. . .

Happy 4th Birthday, Olivia!!!!

My Answer

Recently I was asked to write a letter that would be included in an informational something or another for church planting wives-to-be. The question was - what is the role of a church planter's wife?

****************************
Dear Church Planting Wife,

What is the role of the church planter’s wife? Wouldn’t it be easier to list the things that our role is not? The list seems to be much shorter. You see, I believe that the church planting wife is one of the most challenging roles that could ever be imagined. We wear more hats than many ever dream. The good news is that the fruit of our labor makes the adventure worth all of the effort. So be brave. Stand tall. You are a woman of noble character and God is going to blow you away with the story he is getting ready to write of your life.

First of all, let’s get one thing straight. I am not a church PLANTER'S wife. I am a church PLANTING wife. I am not just the wife of the church planter. I am the wingman. The journey is mine just as much as it is my husbands'. I was called just as he was called to begin this church. To say I am a church planter's wife almost seems as if my role is less than that of my husband. It is not. . .not when you are starting a church from scratch. It's just different

I do not pastor the church. I watch the back of the one who does.

I do not make the decisions. I pray for the wisdom of the ones who do.

I do not play the piano or run the nursery. I keep my hands free so I can help out wherever I might be needed on a Sunday morning. And I do serve in the areas where I am truly passionate.

I do not come to church with the most beautiful Sunday attire. I come to church often in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops. No doubt I will be on my hands and knees either loving on a snotty, crying child or sweeping up donut crumbs and spilled coffee from the school cafeteria floor.

I do not get jealous when other women need my husband's counsel. But, I do keep a very close tab on every situation. I talk with my husband about boundaries and guidelines that will help to protect our marriage and he allows me to check up on him and ask him tough questions

I do date my husband every single week. I do not let conversation turn towards church affairs during our date night (at least not very often).

I do run our home. I am a gymnastics/homeschool mom with a mini van. And I do everything that I can to make our home a place of refuge for our family and not a place of stress.

I do help to keep my husband well balanced. I try to make sure that he is always making time for the family and time for himself in the middle of the whirlwind of all God has called him to be.

I do open my house up to new families and friends. It is not always the most comfortable thing for me to do. I don't allow myself to feel guilty for that. I am an introvert by nature and the party is my most uncomfortable place to be. But I push myself to step out of my comfort zone more and more.

There are many more things that I do as a church planting wife. I plan and schedule and rearrange my schedule. I wear the big MOM hat 24/7. I give and take and mentor and remain flexible. I smile. I cry. I celebrate and admittedly sometimes I complain. I get tired. I laugh. I scream. I nurture the deep relationship with at least one godly lady who is not at all a part of our church. For I always end up needing a caring voice on the other end of the phone. And I watch in amazement at what God is doing.

But most of all, I take time to curl up in the lap of the Father as often as I possibly can. I believe this alone is the #1 role of the church planting wife. Forget all of the other do's and don'ts. If I fail to do the #1 thing. . .I drown. And believe me, drowning in the middle of starting a church is never where you want to be.

No doubt your hats will be different from mine. God’s story for your journey will look quite different in many ways. Embrace the uniqueness of where and what God has called you to do. Discover the place where you can meet with God and all of the rest of the world can melt away. Then make sure that you join him there regularly. That would be my heart’s wish for you as you begin the adventure.

Blessings,
Amy Colón
Cool River Church
Superior, Colorado

In the Mood to Worship????

If you know me very well at all, you know that my all time favorite music artist in all of the universe it this guy. . . He was my first discipler and my mentor as a teenager - all that and we have only met one time for about 5 seconds at a Cracker Barrel in Cadiz, KY. It's the music. . .no one has ever taught me more about God and my faith than Steven Curtis Chapman.


Click Here and then click on "Play video" for some fun worship.

Cool River Made the Front Page!!

Link to the Superior Obeserver

Happy Labor Day!!

Emma went with her friend, Rilley, to Heritage Amusement Park Sunday after church.

Zip Line Ride

Then last night we had a neighborhood cookout in our front yard. About 30 people came. It was a fun holiday weekend!

A Day in Golden

Yesterday the girls and I went on a field trip to the Colorado Pioneer Museum. It's a small museum, but has some really interesting things to see. Here are just some fun pictures from our time after the museum.

Funny Videos

These are not of the best quality, and still for the family to watch, they are good for a laugh.

Swing in a Tree

Blogger just started allowing videos to be posted, so I though I would post my favorite one of Claire. This was made in the girls' treehouse at Gran and Pop's house in Kentucky.

32 Today!

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to Amy. Happy Birthday to me!!!!!!

The Wife

This week I have been faced with the whole thought of being a church planter's wife much more than usual. I hardly even consider myself a woman with that title anymore, though I know that I am.

I recently had a conversation with a great friend who is planning a church planter's wives retreat in Texas in a few short weeks. I have attended many times. She asked me to brainstorm some new twists to the retreat. . .This morning I googled my way to a blog that was created to open up dialog between church planting wives. . .Then I looked on the NAMB website. They have this survey for church planter wives to take so that they can more fully understand the struggles that we face. They want to provide some type of assistance in support and training. . .And in the middle of it all, I keep thinking to myself - "I don't struggle."

Everyone around me seems to struggle with being the wife of a church planter. There is horror story, one after another, of the church planting family who falls apart in the middle of the process. The wives married with intention of being the wife of a computer programmer or an established church staff member. Then God directed the husband down a new road and the wife had to change her whole entire paradigm of thinking in order to follow. Even if she had every good intention of following the exciting journey of starting a new church, the stress of it all was too much to handle. The family suffered. The kids suffered. The church suffered. The marriage suffered.

And to that I say, "thank you, God, for making my story quite different." For it is a fact that these tragic stories unfold every day. And to those families, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could help you. I wish I could make the journey easier for you - or at least more comfortable.
You see, no matter how hard I might try to connect with the ladies that I talk to who are struggling with the whole idea of being the wife of a church planter, starting a church, and protecting their families in the middle, I have a very difficult time. For some reason I have not had those delimas.


Sure, there have been seasons of pulling out my hair, wondering if we would have enough money to pay the bills - many, many seasons. But doesn't everyone short of Bill Gates have those seasons? And sure, my husband is gone a lot. But what about the wife who's husband travels to Seattle Monday through Friday of every week and she and the kids only see him on the weekend? Is my life harder than hers? My husband sleeps next to me every night. Sure, he may get called out here and there, but seriously, who doesn't?

The journey of church planting for this wife has been nothing short of pure joy. I can't allow myself to feel guilty for the lack of struggle. We are blessed.

We are blessed to live in Superior, Colorado. We are blessed to have a very unique and loving church community. We are blessed when the checkbook says that we have $50 left and 5 days until the next paycheck. At least we aren't in the red yet. We are blessed when someone calls in the middle of the night. Often times if it weren't for Kevin they would have no place to turn. To me that makes me proud and honored to be the wife of a man who people can befriend to find comfort and guidance. We are blessed when the volunteers call in sick. At least we have children and families coming through the doors of the school building where we meet who need childcare. It's a stress to find someone to fill all the positions needed to pull off a Sunday morning event, but isn't it minor in the whole scheme of things?

I have had the privilege of watching entire families come to Christ. I have watched mom and dad baptize their child. I have seen broken families heal. I have watched leaders emerge. I have seen young believers discover their calling. I have seen people stretch themsleves into areas they never believed they would go. I have watched people serve and love and even travel to the other side of the world to share the love of Christ.

Cool River will be 4 years old soon. Yes, I am still a church planter's wife. We are a small congregation in one of the toughest areas in our nation to start a church - Boulder County. We still meet in a school. We are still young and very vulnerable. Every single stress of church planting is still upon our shoulders. We have to set boundaries and be intentional about family together times. We are in the thick of this thing called church planting.

In my mind, the journey is just all about perspective. I came into this season knowing full well that we might not make it. Statistics said we wouldn't. But I also knew that God didn't care about the statistics or the struggles or the time that it would take to get this thing off of the ground. He was most concerned with my heart. So I have tried very hard to continue to be concerned about the same things as him.

Through the good and bad I have tried hard to step back and always gain God's perspective on the situation. And as I have found that, the journey has seriously been a breeze. What an honor it is to be called out to do something as outrageous as starting a church. I have loved the ups and downs and the adventure of it all.

For this church planter's wife, there is no place I would rather be.

Venture Vietnam Team Progress

Click Here

100 +

I woke up Monday morning to a phone call from a dear friend, Johnnie Morgan. She is one of the sweetest ladies in the entire world, as well as a secretary for Bob Roberts at NorthWood Church. She simply wanted my blog address.

Little did I know that 3 days later I would have recorded over 100 hits to my blog entitled "Texas Revisited"(scroll down to read it). Thanks, Bob, for the advertisement on your blog directing people to read. It's been fun.

It is rare that I get more than one hit per day - and that one is usually from my mom or Kevin. But in 3 days time, I have had people from as far away as Turkey, Kenya and Canada, and as close as Texas, Tennessee and California to read my thoughts. Needless to say, it has been a bit exciting and quite intimidating for this novice writer who just enjoys writing about what life brings her way.

So "hello" to all of you who are reading!

Venture Vietnam August 2007

Nine years ago Kevin and I were in Vietnam for the first time. In all honesty, we really didn't even want to be there. Kevin was youth pastor at NorthWood Church back then. Only days before we had returned from youth camp in Brownwood, Texas. It was exhausting (and HOT!!!!). And yet, there we were - newlyweds just getting our feet wet - journeying to the other side of world together. It was Kevin's job. We were only going to be in Vietnam for a few days. Then he and I had to run yet another youth camp in Malaysia for missionary kids for the following week. There was nothing in me that even hinted the love that would develop in my heart for Vietnam as a result of only a few days in Hanoi. . .

Today we received these pictures. . .

9 years later Kevin and I have started Cool River Church. The church is 4 years old. No one who has ever entered the doors of Eldorado K-8 where we meet planned on falling in love with Vietnam either. But just look at them!

This is trip # 7 that Cool River has made to

Veitnam. It is the very first trip that Cool River has taken without either Kevin or myself as part

of the group. That in itself is super cool for us.

I can hardly believe it! Would Scott, Brian, Becky or Nate have ever had the opportunity to have this experience if it weren't for the awesome plan of God that her started 9 years ago with me and Kevin? How I love to watch the stories unfold!!!!!

On this trip these guys are installing a computer lab in the North near Bac Ha where we work. Cool River raised over $11,000 to make it happen. It will be a hub for teachers and students and businessmen to be trained.

I love being a part of it all. I love it that my friends love being a part of it all. I love what God is doing in the hearts and lives of our community.

To the team - have a blast!!!!!!!! Next time I will be with you!

10 Years and Counting

Ten years ago today I said "I do."

I remember the excitement of it all. At that time in my life I believed that together Kevin and I could do anything. I had no fears. I had no worries. The life I had dreamed of was only beginning. I was niave - o, so niave. And I'm so glad that I was. The world was big and huge and together Kevin and I were going to set out to find our place in it.

Did we realize the world was big and huge on that day? Did we understand the hugeness of the journey we were about to begin? No - we thought that we were being rebels simply by adding a few different twists to our wedding ceremony that FBC, Princeton, had never experienced. We thought that we were shaking up the world by moving away to Texas - away from the home I had known all of my life. It was an exciting adventure. We felt brave and ready to go.

I suppose that how we began has progressively been the theme of our journey thus far - pushing the norms, bravely saying "yes" to God and moving forward another step. That mindset has brought us through many experiences over the last 10 years.

And looking back, I can do nothing more than stand amazed. Today, 10 years after saying, "I do," Kevin and I have now had some some fears. We have had some worries along the way. God has asked us to do some wild and crazy things. We have only started to understand the bigness of the world around us. Doors have opened wide and closed tightly. Fighting and frustration and all of those things that come with marriage have come our way just like they do with everyone else. We have learned more about eachother and about life than we ever realized that we needed to learn. We have had the priviledge of bringing three wonderful little girls into the journey with us. We have dreamed together. We have challenged eachother. We have helped eachother to overcome obstacles in our personal lives. We have made decisions together. We have lived life together.

And today I want to tell you, Kevin. . .together is the only place I would ever want to be. I really don't care where this life takes us. We have traveled many places together already. I'm sure there is more to come. Ten years is just the beginning. So today, please just know that I feel truly blessed and honored to travel by your side. Thank you for being a man that I can trust. Thank you for being a father that our children can count on. Thank you for loving me when I am unlovable and encouraging me when I am down. Thank you for allowing me to travel beside you as God moves you and opens up new opportunities every day.

In the next 10 years let's continue the journey of turning the world upside down together. Do I really understand what that means? Nope - but I can't wait to find out.

I love you, Kevin. Happy Anniversary!!

Texas Revisited

Way back in May 2006 I wrote this blog entry. . . .

This weekend was a journey "home." It was not the home of my childhood where family and friends of my past still live. And it was not the home where I live now and serve God with my husband and children. It was the home where my heart was born. It was the home of where I discovered myself and my God in a very life transforming way. It was the home of the most defining moments in my life. It is the home of my "heart friends" and "heart moms and dads." It is my mountaintop - where my heart is reminded of and stirred in the deepest way toward God. Being there gives me focus and warm fuzzies and peace and energy to go back to my true home and be better, live life, take risks and serve God - Northwood Church, Texas. God comforts my heart there.

This week Northwood came home to us. And last night I received all of those feeling of encouragement and blessing and comfort and being stirred toward God all over again.

As we sat around a bonfire under the Colorado sky last night I was surrounded by about 45 of the new and upcoming remnant that God is raising out of NorthWood. Sure, they were just kids - teenagers in almost every sense of the word. But as Jesus sat there with us last night it was obvious to me that at that very moment in time he had ordained that time and those kids as a very special gift to me and my family.

Even before time he knew that our family would be sitting in that Colorado field with a bunch of students from Texas, worshipping and praising him. God knew that he had many reasons for that night to happen. And he knew that one of those was to be a blessing and encouragement to a little family who needed it more than they even knew until that moment.

As I sat there surrounded by those kids and their voices as they truly worshipped the Father, I found myself being transported back to the time when God started tugging on mine and Kevin's heart to come out here to Colorado and tackle starting Cool River Church. I was sitting in the pews of NorthWood Church at that time. I had no idea where life was about to take me.

I had no idea of the overwhelming excitement of the journey ahead. I had no idea that God thought enough of us at that time to send us to a place that needs him so desperately. I had no idea of the things I would give up to be here. I had no idea of the sacrifices we would be asked to make. I had no idea of the blessings and transformation that was to come in my life. I had no idea of how it would all zap me some days.

And I had no idea until last night of the dryness that was in my soul from day to day trying to serve God in a place that is so far away from the heart of God. But God knew. He knew my heart. He knew exactly what I needed even when I had no clue. Last night I felt that dryness go away. I felt the Holy Spirit just wash over and refresh me once again. I felt God say to my spirit - "It is well. . .all is well. . .and tonight I am giving you the gift of filling you up again for the next leg of the journey. Enjoy it."

And enjoy it is what I did. I sat there surrounded by these adults and kids who love the Lord. I watched my own kids as they were right in the middle of something very special that was happening and it was as if they knew it, too. I think that even as little bitty girls they felt the peace and love of God at that moment.

So, to Northwood, again I say "thank you." Thank you for the heritage that you gave to our family. Thank you to the students and adults who were thinking about us enough to come and serve and visit here this week. Thank you NorthWood for coming home to us. Thank you, God, for always knowing what my heart needs. Thank you for the journey.

Summer is Almost Over

This morning I woke up to the sound of 4 teenage girls giggling as they were in my kitchen toasting frozen waffles for themselves and for my girls. The NorthWood Church youth group has been in Superior this week serving our community - building a park, digging a trail, painting fences. . .

I went to the computer to check my daily sites and discovered that one of my close friends is hiking in Sapa today. They are on yet another trip to Vietnam where they are working with the education system in Hanoi. . .

Cool River's 7th group is leaving tomorrow afternoon for Hanoi. They will be installing a computer lab in the area where we work. . .

All of this activity is going on around me. It is such a blessing to be a part of it all. Yet, I must admit that there is a bit of jealousy that stirs inside of me if I allow it. I wish so much that I was going to be boarding the plane with our team tomorrow afternoon. It's hard to have such a love for a place and not get to be there to experience it with my friends.

But through it all, I am learning one really important thing - the work goes on without me. Sometimes I don't want it to. Sometimes all I want is for my hands and feet to be covered up in all of the "God activity" that is happening and if I can't be there, I want to soak in the jealousy of others who are getting to do what I want to be a part of. So wrong! Tell me about it. But that is the honesty of how I feel sometimes. And that is exactly why God gives me moments like this in which to learn.

Today I am learning that at this time in my life I have a very specific and important task before me and it has absolutely nothing to do with missions or travel or Vietnam. It has everything to do with my family. It is my family who needs me more today than my friends on the other side of the world. To be with Kevin and the girls is a huge God-given blessing. Tomorrow God may open up the door for me to go again. But not today.

Today. . .today is about ending the summer well for my kids. Today is about playing with my girls at the pool. Today is about getting ready to start homeschooling again next week. Today is about paying the bills and washing the car and cooking dinner again.

My life is significant. How I live my today will determine my tomorrow and the tomorrow of my family. And God is going to be active in my home today just as he is in taking others to other parts of the world to make Himself active and known there.

Today my misison is here - in Superior, Colorado, with my husband and kids. Maybe tomorrow it will be somewhere else. Today I will pray for my friends traveling to Vietnam to do what God has called them at this time in their individual lives to do. Tomorrow maybe it will be me. But not today. . . . . . the work goes on well without me. My today needs me.

To be a part of something like this. . . who would have ever thought?

Bob and his wife Nikki are great friends of mine and Kevin's. It is because of his influence and God's nudge in that direction that we work alongside Northwood and Glocal Ventures in Vietnam. Kevin was there this weekend.

Church evangelizing with service, not sermons
Keller congregation working to do its part in Vietnam
12:00 AM CDT on Thursday, July 26, 2007
By SAM HODGES / The Dallas Morning News samhodges@dallasnews.com

An evangelical church in North Texas would seem an odd destination for a government delegation visiting the United States from communist Vietnam, where evangelism by outsiders is forbidden.

JIM MAHONEY/DMNNguyen Van Kien, with the People's Aid Coordinating Committee of Vietnam (left) and Bob Roberts, pastor of NorthWood Church, are trying to strengthen ties between the two groups.
But Nguyen Van Kien, director-general of the People's Aid Coordinating Committee of Vietnam, and others in his party spent Saturday night through Wednesday morning with members of NorthWood Church in Keller.

They went to a Texas Rangers game and the Fort Worth Stockyards, and they attended meetings. But these weren't the real reasons they came.
"The main purpose is to convey the gratitude of our people," Mr. Kien said.
Under pastor Bob Roberts Jr., members of NorthWood have been going to Hanoi and rural northern Vietnam for more than a decade to install water filtration systems and to work in schools, orphanages and medical clinics.

They play by government rules. That means no preaching and no handing out religious literature. They can, when asked, answer questions about their faith. But that's about it.
Though Vietnamese Americans and some in Congress complain loudly about restraints on religious freedom in Vietnam, Mr. Roberts is adamant that Christians should be at work there.
"If Jesus were walking on this world today, he would be serving the Vietnamese," Mr. Roberts said. "He wouldn't say, 'Change your government and I'll serve you.' "
Such pragmatism by an evangelical pastor has attracted attention.
Christianity Today and Church Executive magazine have lately done stories on Mr. Roberts and Glocal Ventures, the nonprofit he started and through which his church and others work in Vietnam.

Mr. Roberts' efforts helped draw Phil Smith, co-author of the book A Billion Bootstraps: Microcredit, Barefoot Banking, and the Business Solution for Ending Poverty, to NorthWood on Monday to brief the Vietnamese delegation, business people and representatives of private groups on how loans of $25 can make a huge difference to farmers and others in the world's poorest places.

"They have proved," Mr. Smith said of Mr. Roberts and NorthWood, "that by helping people in a Christian manner, and in the name of Christ, they do get the Kingdom [of God] spread."
The ruddy-faced, hard-charging Mr. Roberts founded NorthWood, a Southern Baptist church, in 1985. The church has grown to weekend attendance of about 2,000 and been recognized for starting many other churches.
In the mid-1990s, Mr. Roberts was eager for NorthWood to send members to other countries for service and evangelism. But the push for Vietnam came from church member Bob Prough, an oral surgeon who had been a U.S. Army helicopter pilot there.
"I was very nervous about Vietnam," Mr. Roberts said, adding that his father, a pastor, had conducted funerals for American soldiers killed in the Vietnam War.
But with Dr. Prough's encouragement, a church team made a fact-finding trip not just to Vietnam, but to the communist stronghold in the north.
Dr. Prough, now living in Stephenville, said by phone that few American churches had tried to work there, and needs were great, particularly among ethnic minorities in the mountains.
From contacts made in that trip, church members found entrée to hospitals, clinics and orphanages, mainly in Hanoi and Lao Cai province. Some 300 NorthWood members have been to those areas in the intervening years, doing health- and education-related work.
Mr. Roberts has been to Vietnam dozens of times. His wife, Niki, is in Hanoi now with a NorthWood-based group helping to write special education curriculum. NorthWood has hosted about 40 students from Hanoi, and the church walls are a gallery of paintings by Vietnamese artists.

Mr. Roberts refers to Vietnam as one of the "hard places" that U.S. churches are less likely to work in than, say, Mexico. (NorthWood is active there, too.) He's also quick to note that Vietnam has gone through major changes, becoming a top U.S. trading partner and getting into the World Trade Organization.
Author of such books as Glocalization: How Followers of Jesus Engage a Flat World, Mr. Roberts passionately argues that local churches must think globally in the Internet age.
But the Vietnamese government, while eager for economic development, remains under one party, communist control, and still restricts religious freedom, said James Reckner, director of the Vietnam Center at Texas Tech University.
A large Catholic population, and a much smaller Protestant one, are able to worship – but on government terms.

"If you went to Vietnam and tried to set up a church, you'd end up in jail, unless you got permission from the government," he said.
But Dr. Reckner agrees that Vietnam is changing fast, and notes that its overwhelmingly young population is fascinated by the West. He supports Mr. Roberts and NorthWood, and thinks they could be the catalyst for more change.
"You can become militant and be banned, or you can take a more pragmatic approach, which is what NorthWood has done, and try to establish some sort of positive promise," he said. "You never know what might develop."
Karl Ninh, president of the Dallas-Fort Worth chapter of the Vietnamese American Public Affairs Committee, also favors service trips by U.S. churches.
"The Vietnamese people need all the help they can get, but we're praying and hoping that one of these days we'll see true religious freedom," he said.

Mr. Kien, of the Vietnamese delegation, said churches in his country are not only open but often packed. He said other countries, in trying to influence the Vietnamese government, should understand that Vietnam has been subject to "foreign aggression" for centuries.
While not defending the Vietnamese government, Mr. Roberts said its leaders mainly worry that outside religious influences could destabilize the country.

The Vietnamese delegation attended worship at NorthWood Sunday, and Mr. Roberts led the congregation in applauding them. But he also preached the gospel.
"Your pictures will be on my refrigerator," he told the Vietnamese as he ended the sermon. "And every time I go get ice cream, I'll be praying for you. I'm serious. I will."

The Colon Girls Picked It!!!

The Next Food Network Star! Amy Finley

As I have written before, my girls are addicted to the Food Network. This is mostly because we have only a few channels to choose from and the only kid channel is PBS. But it's fine with me. The Food Network is fabulous family programming and Emma, Claire and Olivia are learning a lot about food and cooking and culture and travel. With any luck our family might eventually have someone who enjoys cooking in this house. Come on Emma! In about 4 more years I will gladly had the kitchen over to you.

Gentleness and Self-Control

Two things of which I am terrible.

For the last 2 weeks Kevin has been talking about these two fruits of the Spirit in his sermons - gentleness and self-control. Isn't it interesting that God is so good at bringing many pieces of a topic to you at once - just to let you know that he is serious and does not want you to forget the need to do some surgery on an issue in your life? Has that ever happened to you? First God confronts you in your prayer time that you need to work on something. Next you hear about it on tv. Then you read about the topic in the newspaper. Then your friend mentions it. Then you hear it on the radio. Finally a billboard is posted in front of you and you FINALLY get it through your head that God might be needing you to deal with something very important.

For me today it is gentleness and self-control.

Of all of the fruits that we posess by the Spirit, these are the two that I have developed the least. These are the two that stand out as being "not me." I have never been a very gentle person. When my kid scrapes her knee my first reaction is, "your fine. . .there's no blood. . .you don't need a band-aid. . .please stop crying." When they start crying and whining and acting like sisters act, I rarely close my eyes and count to 10. I react. And often times my reactions would not be characterized as gentle or self-controlled.

This part of who I am makes me so mad. And I am realizing that "not me" is not an excuse anymore. I can blame many things that I struggle with on someone else. I was an only child so I didn't learn about conflict management and controlling my anger as a kid. I was born in the South where they eat and eat and eat and because someone was always putting food in my face, that is why I can't stop eating now. It's easy to pass the blame. But today I am realizing that the weight is fully mine to bear. God expects me to hammer through even the tough stuff. God expects me to have a desire to improve and conquer the things in which I stink. It's not okay to be content with the stink. It's not okay because the stink rubs off on others.

If I lived in a little bubble and all that I did only affected me then that would be one thing, but it is not reality. The reality is that everything that I fail to master in a godly way in my life affects everyone around me. . .my children, my husband, my co-workers, my friends. And everything that I fail to master is one thing that separates me that much farther from the Father.

Gentleness and self-control in my life is a discipleship issue. I have no choice but to tackle them. It's gonna stink. It's gonna be really tough. I want to be a gentle person - today I am not - not without the Spirit. I want to be a self-controlled person. In many ways I am not - not without the Spirit. Help me, Spirit.

Listening to God

I came home tonight after a much needed few hours away with a Starbucks and God. Kevin's first question was, "so what did you learn?" What did I learn?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I have been learning quite a few things lately. Some of those things are happily welcomed knowledge. Others are painful - hard lessons that I could definitely do without. In the middle of dealing with tough issues, it is so easy to wish them away. Many times that is just what I do. . .shove them under the rug until the next day. Lately though, I have been learning so much about embracing those tough lessons. Do I enjoy them yet? No, I fully expect that I never will. But am I learning to welcome them? I'm learning.

For a very long time now God has been forming in me this great desire to truly live the adventure of life to the fullest. I have had opportunities to branch out of my little bubble into world's as far away as Vietnam and as close as around the kitchen table with my girls doing school. There are so many things in my life that have already happened that I never expected. I have already truly been blessed. And yet, the desire of a life of "more" is always there. I believe it is a healthy desire. The things that I desire are all "godly" things. It's not like I dream of a mansion with a Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's quite the opposite. I dream of things like taking my children across the world to spend time in a third world country. I dream of God using me in crazy ways to impact the world. They are pure and driving desires.

But as I have been listening to God lately, it's as if he has been telling to start rechanneling the desires of my heart so that I can fully experience the adventure of the here and now - the adventure that surrounds me every day and not the one that I dream of someday. You see, I know that God called me when I was first pregnant with Emma to become a stay at home mom. Once again, this was nothing that I ever dreamed. But I was faithful. And I have loved it. Yet, about a year ago I found myself struggling with the idea that the life I was living was not grand enough. It seemed as if everyone else around me was doing such cool stuff for the Lord. Kevin was traveling and speaking and other friends were serving God all over the world. I would listen to their stories and become quite jealous as I sat at home washing clothes and cleaning dirty faces.

It was about this time that other opportunities presented themselves in my journey. They seemed like the "more" that I was possibly longing for at the time. So I jumped in (I believe fully with God's blessing).

You know, God has a funny way of teaching lessons sometimes, doesn't he? For me, he almost always has to let me chase my own rabbit first in order to get me to the place where he can really drive home a truth. I often wish he would just cause me to "get it" - whatever "it" might be - without having to spend so much time getting me to the point of being able to hear. Live and learn. I am a stubborn one. The good part is, though, that He has never once put me in a situation where he left me to my own devices. God is definitely the great pursuer. Thank goodness he has never stopped pursuing me. I pray he never does.

So as I have chased my rabbits and traveled the journey what have I learned? Today I have learned that God was never kidding when he "called" me 8 years ago. I am destined to be a stay at home mom - for now. And it is a noble calling. It is more worthwhile than absolutely anything that I could ever possibly dream of engaging in and spending my time. I think that until recently I have always stated those words and tried with all of my will to mean them, but I'm pretty sure that I never fully believed them to be true until now. Until now, they were just words that I was supposed to believe - not truly my hearts' desire. Today I feel it. Today I know that God has given me the most tremendous responsibility he could possibly give - he gave me three of his very own children to parent and raise. I see it now. I understand the enormity of the call. I am raising God's children for his kingdom. They may one day turn the world upside down.

Maybe I'll never turn the world upside down - or maybe I will. Maybe God doesn't have tremendously huge plans for my life that involve going on great adventures and traveling to distant lands. Maybe he does.

But today I know that I must be fully present and faithful to what he has given me thus far. If I choose not to be faithful to the fullest then I once again will be stifiling the process. If I try to add my own stuff to his plan I will come up empty on both ends - never fully doing my best in any area. Minimize, focus and enjoy the journey. . .the one that is really meant to be lived.

Today I have learned that I must live in the today that God has given me. I must strip away all of the things that I have been holding onto that add the "more" to my life that I previously thought that I needed. I am Amy Colon, wife and mom. Thank you God for finally breaking through my thick head. Thank you God for your patience with me. I'm ready to go. I'm gonna listen this time. And I am going to welcome the lessons.