Gentleness and Self-Control

Two things of which I am terrible.

For the last 2 weeks Kevin has been talking about these two fruits of the Spirit in his sermons - gentleness and self-control. Isn't it interesting that God is so good at bringing many pieces of a topic to you at once - just to let you know that he is serious and does not want you to forget the need to do some surgery on an issue in your life? Has that ever happened to you? First God confronts you in your prayer time that you need to work on something. Next you hear about it on tv. Then you read about the topic in the newspaper. Then your friend mentions it. Then you hear it on the radio. Finally a billboard is posted in front of you and you FINALLY get it through your head that God might be needing you to deal with something very important.

For me today it is gentleness and self-control.

Of all of the fruits that we posess by the Spirit, these are the two that I have developed the least. These are the two that stand out as being "not me." I have never been a very gentle person. When my kid scrapes her knee my first reaction is, "your fine. . .there's no blood. . .you don't need a band-aid. . .please stop crying." When they start crying and whining and acting like sisters act, I rarely close my eyes and count to 10. I react. And often times my reactions would not be characterized as gentle or self-controlled.

This part of who I am makes me so mad. And I am realizing that "not me" is not an excuse anymore. I can blame many things that I struggle with on someone else. I was an only child so I didn't learn about conflict management and controlling my anger as a kid. I was born in the South where they eat and eat and eat and because someone was always putting food in my face, that is why I can't stop eating now. It's easy to pass the blame. But today I am realizing that the weight is fully mine to bear. God expects me to hammer through even the tough stuff. God expects me to have a desire to improve and conquer the things in which I stink. It's not okay to be content with the stink. It's not okay because the stink rubs off on others.

If I lived in a little bubble and all that I did only affected me then that would be one thing, but it is not reality. The reality is that everything that I fail to master in a godly way in my life affects everyone around me. . .my children, my husband, my co-workers, my friends. And everything that I fail to master is one thing that separates me that much farther from the Father.

Gentleness and self-control in my life is a discipleship issue. I have no choice but to tackle them. It's gonna stink. It's gonna be really tough. I want to be a gentle person - today I am not - not without the Spirit. I want to be a self-controlled person. In many ways I am not - not without the Spirit. Help me, Spirit.