Listening to God

I came home tonight after a much needed few hours away with a Starbucks and God. Kevin's first question was, "so what did you learn?" What did I learn?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I have been learning quite a few things lately. Some of those things are happily welcomed knowledge. Others are painful - hard lessons that I could definitely do without. In the middle of dealing with tough issues, it is so easy to wish them away. Many times that is just what I do. . .shove them under the rug until the next day. Lately though, I have been learning so much about embracing those tough lessons. Do I enjoy them yet? No, I fully expect that I never will. But am I learning to welcome them? I'm learning.

For a very long time now God has been forming in me this great desire to truly live the adventure of life to the fullest. I have had opportunities to branch out of my little bubble into world's as far away as Vietnam and as close as around the kitchen table with my girls doing school. There are so many things in my life that have already happened that I never expected. I have already truly been blessed. And yet, the desire of a life of "more" is always there. I believe it is a healthy desire. The things that I desire are all "godly" things. It's not like I dream of a mansion with a Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's quite the opposite. I dream of things like taking my children across the world to spend time in a third world country. I dream of God using me in crazy ways to impact the world. They are pure and driving desires.

But as I have been listening to God lately, it's as if he has been telling to start rechanneling the desires of my heart so that I can fully experience the adventure of the here and now - the adventure that surrounds me every day and not the one that I dream of someday. You see, I know that God called me when I was first pregnant with Emma to become a stay at home mom. Once again, this was nothing that I ever dreamed. But I was faithful. And I have loved it. Yet, about a year ago I found myself struggling with the idea that the life I was living was not grand enough. It seemed as if everyone else around me was doing such cool stuff for the Lord. Kevin was traveling and speaking and other friends were serving God all over the world. I would listen to their stories and become quite jealous as I sat at home washing clothes and cleaning dirty faces.

It was about this time that other opportunities presented themselves in my journey. They seemed like the "more" that I was possibly longing for at the time. So I jumped in (I believe fully with God's blessing).

You know, God has a funny way of teaching lessons sometimes, doesn't he? For me, he almost always has to let me chase my own rabbit first in order to get me to the place where he can really drive home a truth. I often wish he would just cause me to "get it" - whatever "it" might be - without having to spend so much time getting me to the point of being able to hear. Live and learn. I am a stubborn one. The good part is, though, that He has never once put me in a situation where he left me to my own devices. God is definitely the great pursuer. Thank goodness he has never stopped pursuing me. I pray he never does.

So as I have chased my rabbits and traveled the journey what have I learned? Today I have learned that God was never kidding when he "called" me 8 years ago. I am destined to be a stay at home mom - for now. And it is a noble calling. It is more worthwhile than absolutely anything that I could ever possibly dream of engaging in and spending my time. I think that until recently I have always stated those words and tried with all of my will to mean them, but I'm pretty sure that I never fully believed them to be true until now. Until now, they were just words that I was supposed to believe - not truly my hearts' desire. Today I feel it. Today I know that God has given me the most tremendous responsibility he could possibly give - he gave me three of his very own children to parent and raise. I see it now. I understand the enormity of the call. I am raising God's children for his kingdom. They may one day turn the world upside down.

Maybe I'll never turn the world upside down - or maybe I will. Maybe God doesn't have tremendously huge plans for my life that involve going on great adventures and traveling to distant lands. Maybe he does.

But today I know that I must be fully present and faithful to what he has given me thus far. If I choose not to be faithful to the fullest then I once again will be stifiling the process. If I try to add my own stuff to his plan I will come up empty on both ends - never fully doing my best in any area. Minimize, focus and enjoy the journey. . .the one that is really meant to be lived.

Today I have learned that I must live in the today that God has given me. I must strip away all of the things that I have been holding onto that add the "more" to my life that I previously thought that I needed. I am Amy Colon, wife and mom. Thank you God for finally breaking through my thick head. Thank you God for your patience with me. I'm ready to go. I'm gonna listen this time. And I am going to welcome the lessons.