There are 2 ways that I choose a book - *First, I read the title and the summary on the back, but the real selling point of the book for me is not whether the author has 5 bestsellers, but instead, who is endorsing their book. If I recognize the names of those people as solid in their area of expertise, then I generally feel good about purchasing the book. *Second, it has to have a cool looking cover. IF the two can be checked off my list then it is off to the counter that I go.
This particular book didn't even get my second glance. I read the title and imagined it to be one of those cheesy women's self help, manage your money well, love your family, be encouraged and smile books that I can't stand. But after a few more minutes of browsing and finding nothing to wet my appetite, I found myself back staring at the little bright orange book entitled, "Cold Tangerines." I picked it up again, performed my book choosing ritual, all of a sudden became intrigued and impressed, still not knowing anything about the author but recognizing every person who endorsed it for her, and reluctantly headed to the counter with my most unusual selection.
Let me just say that this book is quite the surprise!!! Come to find out, it was actually written by Bill Hybels daughter (though she never actually says that in the book, you can figure it out if you know anything of him and his church, Willow Creek). This book has been one of the most enlightening treasures of my summer so far. Maybe it's because she speaks my language. Maybe it's because she has said so many of the things that I am feeling these days. Maybe it's because she is hilarious in a way that is not goofy, but endearing.
I just finished reading part one of the book while sitting at the pool with the girls this morning. Something she said so much summed up the way I am feeling about life and God these days. I just have to share it. . .
"I feel, in the best moments, in spite of the uncertainty, in spite of the fear, like Lily Briscoe in To the Lighthouse. Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I had my vision. I had that line written on my wall for years, years ago, and now it holds a whole new richness. I had my vision, and I thought it would come in a flash, a bright beam of knowing. But is has come in the same way that all things come to me. It has come to me with a fight. It has come to me the hard way, through tears and fog and fear and chaos, and now has landed int he palm of my hand like a firefly. There now, I have had my vision."
Lately I have been in the middle of the fight. I struggle against no one but myself. It makes me mad and scared and sometimes, once I get too tired to fight with me any more, a window begins to slowly open and light starts to peek through and I see glimpses of God's vision for me. But O how I seem to love the fight. It is so hard to give up. I am stubborn and I make life a lot harder than it is. But the prospect of sitting back eating cold tangerines always eventually pushes me towards excellence and vision. I'm not there yet during this time of fog and fight and chaos. But I can almost taste their juiciness.
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