Listening to God

I came home tonight after a much needed few hours away with a Starbucks and God. Kevin's first question was, "so what did you learn?" What did I learn?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I have been learning quite a few things lately. Some of those things are happily welcomed knowledge. Others are painful - hard lessons that I could definitely do without. In the middle of dealing with tough issues, it is so easy to wish them away. Many times that is just what I do. . .shove them under the rug until the next day. Lately though, I have been learning so much about embracing those tough lessons. Do I enjoy them yet? No, I fully expect that I never will. But am I learning to welcome them? I'm learning.

For a very long time now God has been forming in me this great desire to truly live the adventure of life to the fullest. I have had opportunities to branch out of my little bubble into world's as far away as Vietnam and as close as around the kitchen table with my girls doing school. There are so many things in my life that have already happened that I never expected. I have already truly been blessed. And yet, the desire of a life of "more" is always there. I believe it is a healthy desire. The things that I desire are all "godly" things. It's not like I dream of a mansion with a Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's quite the opposite. I dream of things like taking my children across the world to spend time in a third world country. I dream of God using me in crazy ways to impact the world. They are pure and driving desires.

But as I have been listening to God lately, it's as if he has been telling to start rechanneling the desires of my heart so that I can fully experience the adventure of the here and now - the adventure that surrounds me every day and not the one that I dream of someday. You see, I know that God called me when I was first pregnant with Emma to become a stay at home mom. Once again, this was nothing that I ever dreamed. But I was faithful. And I have loved it. Yet, about a year ago I found myself struggling with the idea that the life I was living was not grand enough. It seemed as if everyone else around me was doing such cool stuff for the Lord. Kevin was traveling and speaking and other friends were serving God all over the world. I would listen to their stories and become quite jealous as I sat at home washing clothes and cleaning dirty faces.

It was about this time that other opportunities presented themselves in my journey. They seemed like the "more" that I was possibly longing for at the time. So I jumped in (I believe fully with God's blessing).

You know, God has a funny way of teaching lessons sometimes, doesn't he? For me, he almost always has to let me chase my own rabbit first in order to get me to the place where he can really drive home a truth. I often wish he would just cause me to "get it" - whatever "it" might be - without having to spend so much time getting me to the point of being able to hear. Live and learn. I am a stubborn one. The good part is, though, that He has never once put me in a situation where he left me to my own devices. God is definitely the great pursuer. Thank goodness he has never stopped pursuing me. I pray he never does.

So as I have chased my rabbits and traveled the journey what have I learned? Today I have learned that God was never kidding when he "called" me 8 years ago. I am destined to be a stay at home mom - for now. And it is a noble calling. It is more worthwhile than absolutely anything that I could ever possibly dream of engaging in and spending my time. I think that until recently I have always stated those words and tried with all of my will to mean them, but I'm pretty sure that I never fully believed them to be true until now. Until now, they were just words that I was supposed to believe - not truly my hearts' desire. Today I feel it. Today I know that God has given me the most tremendous responsibility he could possibly give - he gave me three of his very own children to parent and raise. I see it now. I understand the enormity of the call. I am raising God's children for his kingdom. They may one day turn the world upside down.

Maybe I'll never turn the world upside down - or maybe I will. Maybe God doesn't have tremendously huge plans for my life that involve going on great adventures and traveling to distant lands. Maybe he does.

But today I know that I must be fully present and faithful to what he has given me thus far. If I choose not to be faithful to the fullest then I once again will be stifiling the process. If I try to add my own stuff to his plan I will come up empty on both ends - never fully doing my best in any area. Minimize, focus and enjoy the journey. . .the one that is really meant to be lived.

Today I have learned that I must live in the today that God has given me. I must strip away all of the things that I have been holding onto that add the "more" to my life that I previously thought that I needed. I am Amy Colon, wife and mom. Thank you God for finally breaking through my thick head. Thank you God for your patience with me. I'm ready to go. I'm gonna listen this time. And I am going to welcome the lessons.

Great Colorado Picture of the Girls

Click Here to See Picture

Faith vs. Values

So the whole journey of my learning from God on this subject began when I started teaching a May Madness small group at church called Heritage Building. When I signed up, I thought that I had discovered this nice and concise little small group study that was already prepared for me to teach. Yet, to my later discovery, the study was not all it was cracked up to be and just weeks before the class began I found myself writing my own curriculum. It has been quite a fun and unexpected journey.

Here are some of the things that God has been teaching me and our group as we have journeyed through this topic. . .

1. There is a huge difference between passing on faith and passing on values to our kids. Values can be passed on by anyone of any faith or religion. Basically all moral values match up across the board, whether you are Christian, Catholic, Buddhist or Atheist. Values can stand alone without faith. But faith can never stand alone without values. Out of faith springs values.

2. Faith stories are the basis for all Christian value teaching. If a parent does not know and understand the stories of the faith they cannot fully pass on the values of the faith. If a child does not know the stories of the faith then they cannot fully comprehend the values of the faith. The faith stories stand to teach God and values. Out of every faith story comes many value lessons.

3. We must fill our hearts and minds with the stories of our faith so that we can have them readily available to teach them to our children.
2 Timothy 3:14-17 (New International Version)14But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, 15and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. 16All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

4. If our children grow up and leave our home only knowing the basic stories of Jesus' life, death and resurrection (the stories that all Christians can tell because they are the ones that link up with salvation) then we have given our kids a great disservice. If this becomes the end of the faith story that we have passed on to our kids then they have no rock on which to stand in the real world. They have been given a "because mom and dad said so" kind of value system that becomes very shaky when they meet the world face to face. Mom and Dad said be kind. Mom and Dad said serve others. Mom and Dad said tell others about God. Mom and Dad said care for the sick. Mom and Dad said be honest. Mom and Dad said have integrity.

5. When a child can link up a Bible story to the value that is being passed down to them then the story is complete. Without a faith story to match the value it is like Goldilocks without the three bears or Star Wars without Darth Vader. The story is no good and worth forgetting. But when a child understands that it is important to serve and care for others just like the Good Samaritan cared for the man on the side of the road or that we can not be prejudice just as God was not prejudice of, but accepting, to the Samaritan woman at the well, then the value stands much stronger.

6. As a church we must be more intentional about helping our families learn and love the basic stories of our faith. We must not overlook the history of God moving in the lives of his people. We must not fool ourselves into thinking that these stories are irrelevant to our society today. We must stop trying to entertain our kids with good things but feed them what is best and help them to find the excitement in that. It's not always about the glitz and glamour(though good in and of itself) of what our world tells us is eye-catching and important. It is about eternity for our kids. It is up to us and we will be held accountable for our actions. For generations Christians passed on the stories faithfully and well. We are living in a generation now where most Christians don't even know who Joseph and David were.

Welcome to my new soapbox.

Apolo and Julianne Won!!!

Watch them Dance

Colon Family Pick Got Voted Off

Ian and Cheryl had to go home last night from Dancing With the Stars, but not before a perfect 30 out of 30 performance.

Now we are all torn as to who we want to win. Emma and I are voting for Apolo and Julianne. The other girls like Joey and Kim/another/another.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #4

After leaving the lodge I headed to the Stanley Hotel to read for a while. One my way I encountered quite a few elk.
Two herds - and they were no more than three feet away from my car. One was in someone's front yard. The other was in the parking lot of the rec center in downtown Estes. They are literally everywhere. And people just disregard them as if it is normal to have such a huge beast laying on your front door step.

I went to the Stanley Hotel and read in front of the fireplace for a while.
I took a nap in the Safeway parking lot and went to the candy store to buy a surprise for the girls. Now I am once again drinking coffee. This time I ordered decaf. I'm drinking coffee and thinking about all that God has poured into me during these last two days.

Kingdom In. . .Kingdom Out
There is this church in Indonesia that I have heard of who calls this life of transformation "Up, In, Out" Either way you look at it, it's transformation.
trans·form (tr ns-fôrm )
1. To change markedly the appearance or form of. 2. To change the nature, function, or condition of; convert. 3. To undergo a transformation.

This book that I have been reading while on my getaway has taken my thought process on all of this to a different level. It has made me uncomfortable. It has challenged me in a new way. And though I'm not sure that I completely agree with James Macdonald on all of his philosophies, reading this book, Downpour, has brought new light to my way of thinking about Transformation.

Bob Roberts began preaching about transformation when Kevin and I were still in Texas. It seems strange, but the whole concept of true life change had never really gripped me until about 7 years ago. And today I still grapple with it.

Kingdom In (God's pouring in to my life through getting to know him at a deeper level) must happen before we can ever accomplish Kingdom Out (the outpouring into the world of what God has poured in) All along I have understood the concept, but what I have discovered over the last few days is that I have unconsciously expected the Kingdom Out to happen apart from the Kingdom In.

I daily try to give without being given to in a tangible and intimate way by God first (ie. quiet time or whatever you want to call it). I daily try to share God's story with my kid's without experiencing his story in my life first. I fail miserably and I think it is my fault. It is - but not in the way I feel the guilt. I seem to think that I am just not capable of doing all that God has placed before me. And I'm not. But with the Holy Spirit I am completely capable. Yet, I always seem to forget to ask for his assistance. I find myself feeling defeated, and I am. On my own I completely am. But not if I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Then I am victorious. How in the world could I have forgotten? At what point did I begin to disregard this major piece of the puzzle?

Life spins and my head spins and I forget. I start thinking that it is I who is weak, yet I have the greatest power source at my fingertips and for some unexplainable reason I don't grab on - day after day after day. Daily I pray for the concerns of life. Daily I sing worship songs. Daily I read the Bible or at least a Bible story to my kids. All of those things are good in and of themselves. But if there is no more I have missed out on so much.

I don't want to miss out any longer.

God has placed so many dreams and desires in my heart. I get so frustrated sometimes because it seems as if they are never going to come about. I don't want it to be my fault that God is not moving in huge ways. I don't want to be the process slower downer. The blessing of life and family is such a short stint for all of us. It makes me mad to realize that I could very well be slowing down the process of all that God has in store for my life and for may family's life because of my own personal lack of diving into a deeper relationship with Him. I want to experience enough Kingdom flowing into me that it overflows out everywhere I go.

So what does this really mean? I think for me it means slowing down. It means breathing in deeply my time with God. It means remembering priorities and getting rid of the clutter. It means learning and reading and listening and thinking more deeply. It means saying "no" to things that sound good for what is best. It means scheduling more time away to reflect and re-juice myself. It means looking at the bigger picture of life when I make decisions. It means discipline. It means stopping the worrying. It means controlling my temper with my kids. It means enjoying my husband more. It means taking long walks even when the house is a wreck and being okay with that. It means relaxing about $ stuff. It means obeying God when he tells me to do something. It means staying connected and waiting expectantly for God to move me. It means desiring more from life. Right now life is so good - but it means trading it all in for what is best.

Bottom line - Transformation is a lot of hard work and it is ongoing. . .but I have to believe that it is so worth it.

I'm not sure where all of this is about to lead me. But I think I'm ready for the ride.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #3

It's day two. This morning I woke up about 6:45am to a beautiful, cool and foggy day. I should have taken my pictures of the lodge and views yesterday. But the peace of the morning was so spectacular. I opened my windows and read my Bible for a while. Then I went on to exercise. They have a small exercise room here. I ran 3 miles on the treadmill and then wanted to kick myself for forgetting to bring my bathingsuit. The hot tub looked so inviting.

Next it was time for a shower and breakfast - granola, cranberry juice, coffee, fruit, sweet potato pancakes with pear and strawberry coffee glaze. For this breakfast lover it was heaven. I talked to a man and his wife that are from Florida. He is a fashion photographer and just completed a shoot for Calvin Klien Golf. I gave them some tips on Colorado sites to see and now I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. Unfortunately I have to check out of the Taharra (where I'm staying) at 11:00. I could stay here for a very long time. There is such calmness and peace here. Thanks, God. I needed this. Thanks, Kevin, for taking care of me.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #2

Every time I get alone with God my mind and heart are drawn once again to the same things - transformation, adventure, risk, family, Vietnam, $, significance, discipline. It's almost as if there is this ball that is continually rolling around in my heart and mind with each of these words written on it. And my mind journey's from one to the other, just wandering and dreaming and wishing and praying.

Today I am aware of it spinning.

I get still. The world goes away for a while. No one and nothing is pulling my strings. And when I really take time to listen to my heart - it's almost scary, yet exciting and breathtaking, what I hear. My heart beats fast (maybe from all of the coffee I have had today) and my desires grow strong. It's all about the adventure. It's about the desire to jump out in faith towards something worthy.

I feel so conflicted sometimes - stuck in the middle of being faithful and joyful towards the life that God has blessed me with today and dreaming of all that I hope and want to be a part of in the future. I often don't do a great job with contentment - yet I am content - it's more like I am expectant. Yes, expectant is a good word. I am expectant of God to take the desires that he has placed in my heart and do something with them.

I have always heard a friend say, "find yourself in your twenties, grow yourself in your thirties, change the world in your forties. After that leverage everything you've got for ultimate meaning and radical transformation."

So I'm in my thirties. I need to focus on growing myself. And yet I feel like a child who is counting the days until they turn 5 3/4. Who ever heard of being in your thirties and wishing you were older? That's ridiculous. And yet, my heart longs for so much more on days like today when I am quiet and alone.

The life I have today is more than I could have ever wished for. This is not an issue of being unhappy. I am blessed and thrilled to have the husband and children and day to day life that I do. If it were to all end today, it would have been a storybook life. Yet, that guy, the Holy Spirit, keeps on nudging me. He keeps telling me to pay attention to all that is inside my heart. There is so much more to this life. Dream and focus and soak it all in.

So today I am dreaming and trying to figure it all out. I'm reading and listening to people who I respect. I am singing at the top of my lungs as I drive down the road and I am resting.

I am such a planner. I like to know what is next. I love the security of marking things off my to-do list and moving on. I like the big picture so I can figure out how to get there - wherever "there" is. But right now I only have glimpses of "there." So I have to be okay with "here." God, help me to overflow with enjoyment for "here" and wait patiently and expectantly for "there."

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #1

Happy Mother’s Day to me! This morning I’m sitting at Starbucks in Estes Park. I’m all alone. And yes, this is my own personal definition of a happy day. Deep down I am a loner. I get my juice from being all by myself. And my family knows it. Thus, my Mother’s Day surprise was a 2 day getaway – no kids, no house to clean, no work, no homeschool, only me. Part of me is thinking that I should feel guilty about this. . .but I refuse to let myself. This is time that I need. I’m learning it more and more. My family must be learning it, too. They sent me away. :-)

God has called me to a life of people. These people need me and count of me and require so much of me. I am truly blessed and I love the life that I have. But it is quite humorous that God chose a person like me to fulfill all of the many roles that I perform on a daily basis. It’s about discipline and determination and will and God’s help, because the life I live does not come naturally to me. Yet, it is super fulfilling because I can see it in perspective. I just have to be more intentional than others to carve out my time to refuel for the journey.

And that is what I am doing today and tomorrow. I’m stopping for coffee when I feel like it. I’m eating at any restaurant that I choose. I’m reading a good book beside the mountain creek that flows behind Starbucks. I’m taking a walk beside the lake. I’m listening to some great sermons on my ipod. I’m blogging. I’m journaling. I’m exercising. I’m hiking and praying not to see a mountain lion. I’m sleeping late in a cushy room and waking up to a huge gourmet breakfast. And I’m searching. I am expecting God to show up in a really big way. All of the noise will be silenced for the next few days. Please, God, let me experience you. Fill me up for the next leg of the race.

Conversation with Claire

“Yesterday at church everyone laughed at me.”

“Why, honey?”

“Because I said I like lots of food.”

“What do you mean?”

“We had to write down on that paper why we thanked God.”

“O, and you said were thankful for all that the food that you had.”

“Uh huh.”

“Claire, that is a great answer.”

“But they laughed at me.”

“Honey, they probably just didn’t understand what you meant. Don’t worry. I’m proud of you for your answer. God has given us lots of food.”

(A big smile came over her face)

. . . .

“Mommy, why don’t some people have enough food to eat?”

“That’s a great question Claire.” “We’re really lucky, aren’t we? We have more than enough food every day, don’t we?”

“Yeah, yummy food. But kids in Vietnam don’t. Why don’t we take them some food when we go?”

“That’s a great idea, Claire, but it would be really hard for us to take all the food that they need with us on the airplane.”

“We could just take a little. Don’t they need food?”

“Yes, some of them do. But when we go to Vietnam we try to do things to help them in other ways. Someday we might be able to help them with food, too, but for now we are trying to help them by giving them things like clothes and clean water. We also want to help them to get a good education so that they can make money for themselves to buy food.”

(She kinda understood)

“Claire, we love the people in Vietnam and we want to help them because we love God and God loves them so much.”

“But why do we have so much food and they don’t?”

“I wish I could answer that, sweetie. I guess that God just decided to give some people the $ for food to see what they will do with it. He must have trusted us a lot to do what is right. He must have trusted us to help others.”

“But, Mommy, then why can’t we take those kids some food?”

“O, Claire, I love your heart. Let’s think and try to figure out what we can do to help them. Would you like that?”

“Yes. Can I go with you to Vietnam sometime?”

“Of course.”

Link to Church Executive Magazine

Our friend, Bob Roberts, got a cover story in Church Executive Magazine. Click on "Bob Roberts Jr. . ." to read.
Click Here to Read

Go Toppers!!!

Click Here for Big Red's Boogie

Watch all 4 minutes!!!

Dancing with the Stars Colon Family Pick

Cheryl and Ian

Venture Vietnam

Kevin and the team left early this morning. They will be gone from April 9 -18. Below are a few videos to give you a little taste of where they will be. Please keep them in your prayers. It's going to be a really fun trip. I'll be going back this summer.

Motorbike Traffic in Vietnam

Bac Ha Sunday Market

Bringing Tears to my Eyes

It all starts with a lump in your throat. You feel it coming. Your heart beats faster. You look around to see if anyone notices the awkwardness that is beginning to come over your face as your eyes begin to water. It's not a sad feeling. It's one of those feelings that comes out of nowhere. It's a mix of warm fuzzies, uncontrollable tears and peace. Have you ever felt that way?

The last few days have brought quite a few of those moments. And I am blessed because of them.

Kevin went camping last weekend at the Great Sand Dunes (near Westcliffe). Just the mention of where he was going brought back so many memories of my summer in Westcliffe, CO, as a junior in college. I remember requesting Colorado as the state where I might be a summer missionary just because it sounded like a fun place to go. My summer was miserable. Yet 6 years later, that negative feeling about my summer had somehow changed in my heart to an unexplainable fondness for the state of Colorado. And in searching for a place to plant Cool River, God led me to convince Kevin to come and check it out. Today, as I think back with tears in my eyes, we have now been here for almost 5 years and there is absolutely no better fit for Kevin and I than this place. . .all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Easter at Cool River. . . Ben and Ashley, Chuck and Grace, all of those that God has brought our way in the journey.

Almost ten years ago Ashley was a sophomore in high school. I was a newlywed. She helped me to lead a middle school girls small group in Texas where she was in the youth group and Kevin was the youth pastor. Ben was a senior. All I knew about him was that he was a unique guy - different from so many. And he was a gymnast. That's all. . . Sunday Ben and Ashley stood on stage at Cool River as he sang on the worship team and Ashley led Cool River in worship like our church has never experienced before. Now Ben is the youth pastor. . . all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Next to Ben and Ashley were Grace and Chuck. Grace sang and Chuck played drums. About seven years ago Kevin and I sat in the same church in Texas and led a small group for young married couples. Grace and Chuck were one of our first couples. When we decided to move to Colorado we asked them to come with us. They said "no. . . " They have been with us at Cool River now for about 3 years. They have played a key role in making Cool River what it is today. . . all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Kevin walked out the door this morning at 4am. He is on his way to Vietnam once again. Nine years ago, as newlyweds, Kevin and I took about 40 kids to youth camp. The very next day we boarded an airplane with Northwood's first ever trip to Vietnam. We were only there for 3 days. Then we went on to Malaysia. Kevin and I were exhausted. We didn't even want to go. It was his job to be there. . .today we love Vietnam as if it were our second home. We have friends there. We visit every year. Cool River is now serving there alongside Northwood. In the future it only looks as if we will be there more and more. . .all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Tonight I sat in our basement watching Charlotte's Web with the girls. When Charlotte died, Claire wept. She uncontrollably wept. She felt the pain. She understood what was happening. I see in her a very special spirit that cares deeply and understands emotion beyond her five years. And her tears made mine flow as well. Tonight I wonder, what will I be writing some day about Claire? What is it that only God knows about her life? Will she be a great humanitarian? Will she care for those who are hurting? Will she stand up for the unjust? What path is God going to lead her down? And will I do the right things as a parent to teach her well about life and integrity and caring for each other?

Day after day after day often seems so monotonous. We get up and do life over and over again with often little thought as to how God is using our days to weave together a beautiful story. Has my life just happened by chance? No way. It has happened and is continuing to happen by design. . .the design of the greatest story creator of all time. And there are so many more pages to unfold and tears to shed. . .

Happy Easter from the Colon Girls

A Day in the Yard

Planting Grass Seed








Just Going in Circles

Emma won 1st Place in the Science Fair!!!!

Sunshine Again!!!

I was talking to my friend Wendy at church on Sunday about how refreshing this time of year seems to be. After a Colorado winter like the one we have just had, it seems as if everyone is more ready than ever before to experience the bright vitamin D rays of the sun. 60+ inches of snow, though beautiful and even fun, brought with it so much dirt and yuck and trash and mud. Both my garage and my house are in dire need of Spring cleaning. But today I don't feel much like cleaning. It is 71 degrees outside. The sun is shining bright and I even noticed some new green shoots of tulips and daffodils coming out of the ground. Today, all I want to do is enjoy. . .

And enjoy I have done. . .
I love it that Superior has become home to our family. This summer it will be five years since we moved here. A lot has happened in five years. Claire was only 6 months old when we moved into the Horizons apartment complex - the place where everyone in Superior starts out. Those days were lonely days. But today - today I went to Safeway and the lady who checked me out knew my name. She even pronounces it correctly now before she ever takes a look at my credit card. And the barrista at Starbucks, Melissa, has become my buddy who knows my order almost by heart (okay, I'm not sure that is something to be proud of - yet it is quite "homey.")

I walked to the park with the girls. The sun was shining and we were in flip flops and t-shirts. Along the way we passed multiple ladies from Cool River with their kids, other ladies from the community that I have gotten to know, even dogs whose names I remember from previous meetings. Emma, Claire and Olivia have friends - Regan, Riley, Kate, Matthew, Joshua. . . all who just happened to be out on the sunny morning. It all makes me so thankful. Five years ago we had no idea that God was going to bless our family in such a huge way. Every inch of this place is home. Every person that we pass at Target or Super Joe's or Cool River seems like family.

And this time of year it seems like the grayness has lifted from people's faces and it's as if there is new hope and fresh beginnings in store. How appropriate that Easter is just around the corner. The hope of new life and new beginnings that comes through the story of Jesus' resurrection is the perfect picture of how this time of year makes me feel. Thanks, Holy Spirit, for reminding me today.

ER

So. . . it has been quite some time since I last wrote. To say that many things have been happening would be an understatement. But life is good. Everything is good. . .

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Well, here's the best advice for your next visit - and with any luck you will never find yourself in the situation to ever us it. . .whether you think you have a broken leg or even pneumonia, just make sure you mention your heart. When they hear the word heart you automatically become a VIP like never before. It's like a great ego boost. Fifteen people can be lined up before you, waiting for hours, but if you say "heart" to the lady on the other side of the desk, you are automatically the queen (or king) of line cutting. It's like that rush of adrenaline that you used to feel as a kindergartener when your teacher chose you to be the first one out the door for recess. I know this feeling all too well. You see, last week I was the one standing at the emergency room registration desk relaying the news that my heart was beating rapidly and I could not get it to slow down. I quickly became VIP for the day at Avista emergency room in Louisville, Colorado.

It was a little scary. I won't lie. I'm a coffee drinker. I have a little bit of knowledge as to what 5 cups of coffee can do to a person. I can imagine the jittery feeling of loads of caffeine that has been poured into my body. But on that particular morning, all I had was orange juice. It was definitely not the Starbucks effect. Come to find out (so they say), it was the thyroid medicine effect. Thanks a lot Mr. generic drug manufacturer.

So I have a great story. It was an experience. And today I am living like my grandparents on blood pressure medicine. I'm telling ya, you hit 30 and life is all down hill!haha Next week I get more tests. And eventually this experience will be over. Life will move on. Another experience will take its place.

But until then, I am sitting here tonight asking God, "why?" Why this? What is the purpose? What am I supposed to learn? What part of my character are you wanting to chisel on? Why, God, are you allowing me to face the uncertainty and the anxiety of not knowing completely what is happening in this body of mine? I do want to discover anything you've got to teach. I get excited about opportunities to grow and come out a better person. But the anxiety part of the experience I could do without. Just carry me through it like you always do, okay? I have no fear. I'm listening.