After leaving the lodge I headed to the Stanley Hotel to read for a while. One my way I encountered quite a few elk.Two herds - and they were no more than three feet away from my car. One was in someone's front yard. The other was in the parking lot of the rec center in downtown Estes. They are literally everywhere. And people just disregard them as if it is normal to have such a huge beast laying on your front door step.
I went to the Stanley Hotel and read in front of the fireplace for a while.
I took a nap in the Safeway parking lot and went to the candy store to buy a surprise for the girls. Now I am once again drinking coffee. This time I ordered decaf. I'm drinking coffee and thinking about all that God has poured into me during these last two days.
Kingdom In. . .Kingdom Out
There is this church in Indonesia that I have heard of who calls this life of transformation "Up, In, Out" Either way you look at it, it's transformation.
trans·form (tr ns-fôrm )
1. To change markedly the appearance or form of. 2. To change the nature, function, or condition of; convert. 3. To undergo a transformation.
This book that I have been reading while on my getaway has taken my thought process on all of this to a different level. It has made me uncomfortable. It has challenged me in a new way. And though I'm not sure that I completely agree with James Macdonald on all of his philosophies, reading this book, Downpour, has brought new light to my way of thinking about Transformation.
Bob Roberts began preaching about transformation when Kevin and I were still in Texas. It seems strange, but the whole concept of true life change had never really gripped me until about 7 years ago. And today I still grapple with it.
Kingdom In (God's pouring in to my life through getting to know him at a deeper level) must happen before we can ever accomplish Kingdom Out (the outpouring into the world of what God has poured in) All along I have understood the concept, but what I have discovered over the last few days is that I have unconsciously expected the Kingdom Out to happen apart from the Kingdom In.
I daily try to give without being given to in a tangible and intimate way by God first (ie. quiet time or whatever you want to call it). I daily try to share God's story with my kid's without experiencing his story in my life first. I fail miserably and I think it is my fault. It is - but not in the way I feel the guilt. I seem to think that I am just not capable of doing all that God has placed before me. And I'm not. But with the Holy Spirit I am completely capable. Yet, I always seem to forget to ask for his assistance. I find myself feeling defeated, and I am. On my own I completely am. But not if I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Then I am victorious. How in the world could I have forgotten? At what point did I begin to disregard this major piece of the puzzle?
Life spins and my head spins and I forget. I start thinking that it is I who is weak, yet I have the greatest power source at my fingertips and for some unexplainable reason I don't grab on - day after day after day. Daily I pray for the concerns of life. Daily I sing worship songs. Daily I read the Bible or at least a Bible story to my kids. All of those things are good in and of themselves. But if there is no more I have missed out on so much.
I don't want to miss out any longer.
God has placed so many dreams and desires in my heart. I get so frustrated sometimes because it seems as if they are never going to come about. I don't want it to be my fault that God is not moving in huge ways. I don't want to be the process slower downer. The blessing of life and family is such a short stint for all of us. It makes me mad to realize that I could very well be slowing down the process of all that God has in store for my life and for may family's life because of my own personal lack of diving into a deeper relationship with Him. I want to experience enough Kingdom flowing into me that it overflows out everywhere I go.
So what does this really mean? I think for me it means slowing down. It means breathing in deeply my time with God. It means remembering priorities and getting rid of the clutter. It means learning and reading and listening and thinking more deeply. It means saying "no" to things that sound good for what is best. It means scheduling more time away to reflect and re-juice myself. It means looking at the bigger picture of life when I make decisions. It means discipline. It means stopping the worrying. It means controlling my temper with my kids. It means enjoying my husband more. It means taking long walks even when the house is a wreck and being okay with that. It means relaxing about $ stuff. It means obeying God when he tells me to do something. It means staying connected and waiting expectantly for God to move me. It means desiring more from life. Right now life is so good - but it means trading it all in for what is best.
Bottom line - Transformation is a lot of hard work and it is ongoing. . .but I have to believe that it is so worth it.
I'm not sure where all of this is about to lead me. But I think I'm ready for the ride.
No comments:
Post a Comment