Simple Complexity

Today was a day of extremes. After dinner tonight Kevin and I took the girls for a walk around Interlocken (the tech center near us). We happened upon a beautiful tennis court and softball field and decided to take a closer look. The night was perfect - probably 68 degrees or so, still and quiet. It was the kind of night that you wish would never come to an end.

As we got closer to the tennis courts we noticed that there were old tennis balls everywhere. Very quickly Emma, Claire and Olivia, found themselves in a kid's paradise. There were balls and space to run and play and a mom and dad to chase every ball that they attempted to toss our way. We played in those tennis courts for at least a half an hour, just running and throwing balls and giggling with our girls. An old worn out tennis ball became a great treasure for each of them as we left.

After a few more minutes of running the bases of the softball field and taking a plunge into the water sprinklers, we started back to the van. I was amazed at how every clover and pine cone along the way back became a treasure worth smelling and touching and savoring. I love how children are such experts at making the often unnoticed as exciting as Disneyland or a birthday party.

Soaked, with flowers in their hair, pine cones in their pockets and old worn out tennis balls in their hands, the girls climbed back into their carseats. What started out as a walk with the sole purpose of getting them tired and ready to go to sleep, turned into a grand adventure. Simplicity. . .

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Rewinding my day back to this morning. . .

I have this acquaintance. He is brilliant. He's far too brilliant for me. I have always kept my distance because I am far from brilliant. My thinking and my understanding of God is very simple - almost childlike. Most days I am thrilled to have a childlike faith in God. It has served me well. It has allowed me to accept many things about Him that seem ridiculous to the "brilliant."

Now don't get me wrong, I like to think that I understand a bit about God. My understanding comes from relationship and experience, though - not from facts and statistics and things that must be "proven." But today I found myself wishing for more answers to give. It was SO frustrating! It was far from simple - hugely complex.

You see, I have been concerned for and praying for my brilliant acquaintance for quite some time. Yet, I have always kept my distance for quite a few reasons. But today (thanks a lot, God) I had to speak up. Today the random conversation that I found myself a part of hit my heart in a way that I simply knew that God was prompting me to open my mouth.

I will spare the details. Let's just say that all I wanted to do was make one statement very clear to him. His generalization of Christians versus those of other faiths was completley wrong, and I wanted to lovingly let him know that all Christians are not the same. I wanted him to know that I would obey God in the same way as the man from another faith, but for different reasons. I hoped to then walk away and pat myself on the back for speaking what God wanted me to speak. But it did not happen quite that way.

After about 15 minutes of conversation I "learned" that the grass is God and the trees are God and that he is God and that God is Life. I "learned" that God is a woman and that to believe the stories of the Bible 100% makes me disillusioned. Of course, I did my share of debating back and forth. I did not leave the conversation feeling defeated. I did leave the conversation mad - MAD at Satan for feeding lies to the vulnerable - MAD at myself for not having better answers to fire back - MAD for even wanting to fire back at all. And deeply and undeniably saddened for my brilliant acquaintance - Sad that there are so many more like him.

You see, I'm not sure why God chooses to set some people on a certain path and others on another drastically different path. I'm not sure why I have a simple faith and others are too complex to even declare faith. I'm not sure why I can sense God's promptings and "hear" his voice (sometimes) and others are deaf. I'm not sure why others question more and I can so easily accept.

I am sure that many would agree with my brilliant acquaintance in saying that I am disillusioned. That's fine. I really don't mind that someone might think that of me. My final thought on today as it comes to an end. . .at least I can lay down tonight in peace. For as simple as my mind might be, at least it can find rest.

I don't have all the answers, nor do I want them. But I do have a peace that transcends everything that life throws my way. God is my creator. God is my Father. God is my friend. He is not a blade of grass that I can mow down or an ant that I might squish. He is a perfect being that loves me and leads me and allows me the experience of faith and love and security and eternal life. He, through Jesus, is the ONLY way to heaven. He is the one who pursues and prompts. And I pray that he will continue to do that with my brilliant acquaintance.

Father's Day

I am really bad about sending cards and gifts for holidays. The only holiday that I seem to be able to do well with is Christmas and that is because the stores and television start reminding us to begin shopping in October. So once again, today, another holiday has come that I have missed.

I don't do this intentionally. I'm simply my mother's daughter.haha From her I received the gene of procrastination. The difference is that somehow Mom eventually pulls off whatever she plans to do at just the last minute, and she does it in such a way that it looks like she has been planning for months. I have not perfected this yet.

So to my dad. . .please know that I love you very much! And know that you have been thought of today and every other day more than you know - card in the mail or no card. If I were not so far away I would run to Cracker Barrel and buy you a gift certificate or to Walmart and buy a container of worms so you could go fishing in the morning.haha But I doubt those gifts would mean very much more than the reassurance that you were not forgotten.

Instead, I will take time to write. I hope that you know how very lucky I consider myself to be your daughter. Today at church I looked around to see so many wives and mothers sitting alone. Though I sat alone with them, I was one of the lucky ones. Many of them have sad stories of horrible childhoods, divorce and broken marriages. The father void in their life can only be filled by THE Father himself. Instead, I have been blessed with an earthly father who has loved me and been there for me, supported me and encouraged me for my entire life. Even when decisions that I have made were not the decisions that you would have wished for me, you have never given me a hard time about them. You have allowed me to live my life and follow God my own way. And the fact that you are only a phone call away in the middle of it all means more than you know.

So today I thank you. Thank you for teaching me to ride a bike. Thanks for taking me to basketball practice as a little girl so that I could be a part of your life and see what you were all about. Thank you for sweating it out on the driveway in an attempt to teach me to play basketball even though I was always pretty terrible. Thanks for watching tennis matches that drug on for hours and for putting up with boyfriends that drove you crazy. Thanks for modeling for me how a husband is supposed to always love and stay together with his wife. Thanks for loving your grandchildren and teaching them many of the things that you taught me as a child.

Though being so far away from you and Mom is very difficult some days - especially on those days when you are dropping me off once again at the airport - you will forever remain close to my heart. Every time the gas tank gets down to the red, I think of you. Every time something in our house breaks, I think of you. Every time UK and Louisville play basketball, I think of you (and cheer all the louder for UK!!haha). Every time I hear another story of how a teenage girl has been impacted by her basketball coach at Dawson, I am proud of you.

Mom, I think we are both pretty lucky. Happy Father's Day, Dad!!!!

Daddy Dates

One of the things that our girls love the best is getting to go on a date with Daddy. They never know when to expect it. It's not like something that they get to request or plan . It just happens when they least expect it. Today it just happened.

Kevin was taking the day off. We had not made any family plans. And all of a sudden I hear him asking Emma if she wanted to go on a date. Her eyes lit up. "Yes, Daddy!" They quickly planned for lunch. And as Emma ran to her room to get dressed, Claire was the next to be invited. It was a bit more difficult with her. Though she was thrilled to get to go on her special date, she was not the least bit happy that she would be second instead of first.

After that was resolved and all was well, hair was getting brushed and braided and pretty clothes were being chosen, Olivia caught wind of the plan. Needless to say, when dates came to an end Kevin had eaten 3 lunches, been to the toy store twice and trekked through the local mall.

What a wonderful blessing it is to have a husband who not only wants to date his wife (as we do every Tuesday night) but also makes it a priority to date his daughters. I pray that those dates will be memories that will forever be special in our girls' hearts. I love it that they have the opportunity to see their parents making it a priority to spend alone time together. I hope they will also know how much Daddy values being with them.

Happy Father's Day, Kevin!

Drama

Have you ever known someone who seems to thrive on there being drama in their life? Life is never boring when that person is around and when life is simply going along normally they can't seem to function - so they create more drama.

I have never been the drama queen. I have always considered myself quite the opposite. When the drama of life happens I tend to downplay it as much as possible. I get completely annoyed with those who always seem as if their world is about to crumble around them all of the time. As you might guess, I score very low on the mercy end of spiritual gifts inventories that I have taken. :-) It takes a lot to shake me.

But lately I have noticed this - all of a sudden, as true drama has entered my life once again, I realize that I have missed it. I want to embrace the struggles and the unanswered questions because what I have learned is that in my life this means that God is at work. It means that he is up to something and he is preparing the way to show his power once again.

You know, God has done this to Kevin and I many times. He presents a "crisis of belief" in front of us. He shakes the waters a little and then "voila!" He does his thing in a huge way once more.

Between church and family there are quite a few little dramas happening in our lives today. And instead of becoming too "dramatic" I really just want to savor them. I love it when God is up to something that is bigger than I can fathom. I love the way he works things out. I love to look back and be able to praise him even in the drama. When it is created by God, drama is excellent.

People Keep Telling Me. . .

AAAHHHH! People keep telling me to write a book! An email that I received today was the fifth time that has been told to me in the last week. I just don't know. . . I do want to do it. I just can't imagine who would ever want to read it. I can't imagine where I would find the time to do it. Yet, I think I want to try. I'm feeling more and more led to share my church planting story. Is this your way of letting me know how to satisfy that discontent that I have been feeling, God? How will I ever find enough quiet time to even begin? If I tell you that I will do it, Lord, will you show me how?

Colorado Girls

Friday we spent the day hiking at Mt. Evans.

Fun family times.

What's God Up To?

Discontent. . .I feel it quite often these days. To say that it is troubling would be a stretch. The feeling is more like this inner anticipation that kinda churns around in the pit of my stomach. I can't pinpoint it or name it or wrap my mind around it. None the less, it's there.

What is it that you are trying to lead me to, God? It's one of those things that I wish you would just fill me in on. Instead, I have a feeling that I will continue to wrestle with this one for a while. So, if we are going to wrestle, then just bring it on!

There are many things in my life that I am completely confident are in order. Our family has decided to take the road of homeschooling. That is a definite green light from God - no doubt about it. It is already paying off in so many ways. So on the mom as well as the wife end of things, I feel really good about where I am and where I am going.

Then there is this other piece of the puzzle called "Amy." It's not Amy the mom or Amy the wife or Amy the teacher, but just Amy. . .Amy who won't forever be a teacher - Amy who won't forever be the mom of preschoolers. . . Amy who has a lot of experience and a lot to share, but who often guards herself in a lot of areas.

You see, a great friend and fellow church planting wife once told me as we were about to begin this journey of starting Cool River to set myself up for the long haul of church planting from the very start. My biggest fear in starting Cool River with Kevin has always been "burn out." I've heard too many tragic CP wives stories and have always been determined not to become the next. I have always been intent of guarding myself and my family. I have always believed that my number one responsibility is to take care of Kevin and the girls and provide a peaceful and happy (most of the time) home. I have never allowed myself to be spread too thin or take on too many responsibilities within the church. I have allowed myself to say "no " to things even when they REALLY needed to be done. And I have never regretted it. Because of these things, I am a healthy pastor's wife today.

But here's the deal. . .4 years into this adventure I am "healthy." Four years into it, Cool River is now at a different stage. Four years into it I still have something to give. Though we are in many ways still in the start up phase, in many ways we have come into a new level. We are no longer at a place where things are being required of me or asked of me like before. God has brought great leaders and volunteers around. And in the middle of it all, I find myself at a new stage as well. No longer do I have children in diapers and strollers. Once I get them to sleep they generally sleep all night. And, though my girls still need much of my attention, the baby stage has passed and with that I have found a new freedom that I have not had since Cool River started.

And as I am realizing this I am also being confronted in my time with the Lord about who I am and where I am headed. What do I want my life to look like for the journey? How do I want it all to play out in the end? What is God asking me to do now that he has not required of me in the past? What exciting adventure lies ahead?

You see, I have never felt that my "end all" is about being a church planter's wife. That has been my "call" up until this point. Kevin has needed me as a support and a helper. It has and will continue to be my role and my joy. But the deal is, I get this sneaky suspicion that there is more to what God wants out of my life of service to Him.

I remember the time in college when the Lord told me that I was supposed to go to seminary. So I did it. God drew my heart towards serving him quite some time before he brought Kevin and I together. So, God prompted me to choose this lifestyle long before I said "okay" to this church planting wife thing. As I consider it, I think there has been something "more" all along. It's only now that I have had the time to actually sit down and think about what that "more" could possibly be.

So, I'm thinking God. I have some ideas, but none of them have fully presented themselves yet. I do believe that whatever "it" is goes beyond "church" service. Instead I think it will be something that will launch out from Cool River. Maybe something with church planting wives? Maybe that book thing that I wrote about earlier? Maybe something in Vietnam? Maybe, maybe, maybe??? If you can't tell, I'm still very unclear on it all. And that part of me that prefers to stay guarded won't let me go much farther than the "maybe's" right now.

But whatever it is, I hope it continues to churn inside of me until you decide to present it to me in full, God. Please don't do it until my ears and heart are ready to hear. But please don't let me miss it.

Claire's Treehouse

After reading a previous post (3/24/06), my Dad called me one afternoon. He had an idea. Because I was coming home with the girls in about a week, he (Pop) had decided to build Claire her "treehouse for middle girls." It turned out to be one of the greatest experiences and memories the girls may ever have of visiting Kentucky. Mine, too.

We arrived at Gran and Pop's house on a Sunday. Bright and early on Monday morning I awoke to Emma, Claire and Olivia, sporting their newly gifted carpenter's belts and work clothes. About a day and a half later they, with a little help from Pop, had successfully completed construction on a very cool treehouse. My thought after seeing the finished product? "Wow! I sure do wish I was your grandkid!"

Now, the next test would be whether or not they would actually play in it. Would the bugs scare them away? Would the heat bring them in the house? To my great surprise, no. They had breakfast in the treehouse. They swung and played for hours on the multiple swings and seesaws that Pop built - and kept adding and adding and adding. They cried when they had to go inside. And after coming home from town they raced to be out there for just a few more minutes before bedtime. Needless to say, it was one of Pop's best ideas ever.

Our trip home to Kentucky was a great one. Now that we are beyond all of the baby stuff and the girls are all able to play together with the family, it is a lot more fun than I realized it could be. Not only did we build a treehouse, but they also went fishing and caught some "big ones." We had a birthday party for Pop at Nancy and Wayne's house. The girls got to meet their great, great aunt, Marion Frances. We had a tea party at Katie's house with Katie, Nancy and Gran. We visited Abuela and Mama and Titi Carol and Clay. We went to the Louisville Zoo and bet on horses at Churchill Downs. (Emma's horse came in third place) Isn't that a great thing for a mom and grandmother to teach the kids to do?

All in all it was a terrific time. But I guarantee that the biggest Kentucky attraction that will cause Emma, Claire and Olivia to want to get back to visit the family again as soon as possilbe is that treehouse waiting for them in Gran and Pop's back yard. Thanks, Dad!

The Next Food Network Star

My girls have become addicted to the Food Network channel. These days they choose to watch Rachel Ray or Paula Deen over watching Arthur, Sesame Street or just about any other cartoon. It's actually a lot of fun to see them glued to the TV learning and enjoying shows like Unwrapped where they visit factories where food and candy is made or Rachel Rays Tasty Travels where they get to "visit" different cities all over the United States. As a matter of fact, I was just informed the other day that we need to take our next vacation to New York City and eat at "The Eatery" because it is a cheap place to eat and they serve really good french toast. No more McDonald's for these girls, I suppose.

Yesterday I was preparing dinner for some friends. Emma and Claire were helping to make melon ball skewers. As I cut the cantaloupe in half I reached for a spoon to dig the seeds out, only to be informed by Chef Emma that an ice cream scoop would work much better.
Hmmmmm, I guess I never thought of that.