Last weekend I spent 24 hours with approximately 45 church planter's wives while in Texas. Many of them were just getting started. Their churches had either not launched yet or were only a year or so old. Others were ahead of me (4 years) in the game. They were approaching the 8 and 10 year marks. I wonder. . . at what time are you no longer considered a church planting wife and instead are graduated to the ranks of the established church pastor's wife? Between you and me, I'm in no hurry. I have loved the role of the church planting wife.
But, as I sat with old friends and new and looked around the room I have to admit that I felt a surprising uneasiness inside. My story is not like many of these women. Yes, we have much in common. We have husbands who are driven and passionate. We have families to juggle through the chaos. We do church by setting up every morning in a school, hotel or movie theatre, only to tear it all down and start again the next week. We are faced with expectations that are often greater than we can assume. We serve in areas that we are not necessarily passionate about because there is a need to do so. Our husbands are up until wee hours of the morning on Saturday nights perfecting messages. People are in and out of our home on a regular basis. Life is a continual story of hanging onto faith that God will provide and see us through. But for many of the ladies that I talked with, their story detoured from mine at the point of contentment.
There seems to be a huge line drawn in the sand between those women who are happy to be where they are and those who are struggling through it day after day. My heart breaks for those ladies who feel overwhelmed. They feel the pressure of being all things to all people. They struggle with saying "no" and find themselves overworked and under-appreciated. They support their husbands in every way and yet their husbands fail to watch out for their wives sanity and well-being. The smiles on their faces on Sunday mornings or Tuesday night small groups are not real, but forced - expected.
You see, I praise God that my story is not like those saintly ladies. I am grateful for a husband whom one time took some good advice and expects every person in the church to have one job before anyone has two - especially Amy. And what is my job? I care for him and for our family. Maybe I'm not the greatest caregiver of all time, but that is what I do. Sure, I'm there early on Sunday mornings with the coffee and donuts. Sure, I attend and even lead small groups. Sure, I have mentoring relationships that I pour my life into. Sure, I put out "fires" so that Kevin does not have to be bothered by little details. And I work in the nursery once every month. But all of those extra things I do because it is my choice. Kevin does not expect any of those things of me.
You see, that has been the joy of church planting. I have been able to define my role as a pastor's wife. And my role looks absolutley nothing like many pastor's wives. As I was at the retreat I found myself almost feeling guilty at times. But then, God, you remind me that all is well. That guilt does not come from God - but man and Satan. Thank you, God, that 4 years into this journey I am healthy. I am not burned out. I have more to give. I have joy in what I do. I am content with the continued role of church planting wife. And I look forward to what is around the corner. Lord, please take care of those little ladies that I met who are struggling. Help them to find boundaries. May their husbands offer them reprieve from some of their duties. May you bring along children's workers and volunteers and pastors to fill the roles that they so dutifully hold. Please hold them close and prepare them for the "wild ride" ahead. May it bring them joy.
