Words that make the journey worth it. . .

While in Kentucky visiting family last week I was putting Emma to bed. Sunday was the day that we were flying home. I was trying to convince her on Saturday night that we did not need to go to church the next morning for fear of being too rushed getting to the airport. Here's how the conversation went. . .

Mom: "Emma, I think we are going to plan on not going to church tomorrow morning."

(Surprised) Emma (6 1/2 years): "But I really want to go to Sunday School and learn more about Jesus!"

Mom: "I understand, sweetie, but it's really not a good idea for tomorrow."

Emma: "But I just have to go because learning about Jesus is the most special thing to me!"

Now what was I supposed to say to that??!! So. . .I smiled, said a quiet thank you to God, and replied, "okay," as tears rolled down my cheek.

Would you believe it? We weren't even the least bit late to the airport.

That is what parenting is all about.

More Changes. . .

I am learning more and more that no matter how hard I try to bring our family's life into a routine, as seasons change and life moves on, it is just going to get harder and harder. For example, today was a day of ups and downs for Emma. This morning she tried out for "PEAKS gymnastics." It is the pre team level of the gym where we have been doing gymnastics. That was a big step forward for her and for our family. If she makes it, she we will be going to gymnastics two times per week instead of just once - as we have done for the past 31/2 years. That is definitely going to change our routine a little bit.

Then, only hours later, Emma had to go to her last piano lesson with Ms. Dorane. Dorane Subjack found her way into our lives last fall and she and Emma immediately hit it off. Come to find out, Emma is a very good piano student. Yet I must say that it is hugely due to her teacher. I will never forget the way Emma and Ms. Dorane giggled their way through a lesson. And in the end, just when you could not imagine that Emma could have possibly learned anything, she was able to play exactly what was asked of her - and play it very well. Great teachers of our children are a tremendous blessing. I'm very sad that we will not be able to continue with Dorane. Lord, please send us another great teacher that can fill her shoes.

SO, routines come and go. Schedules change and change again. Lord, please always keep us grounded no matter what change comes our way. And please always guide us to the next plan of action.

Adventures in Homeschooling

Today is a big day. Only last week Emma officially finished first grade. It has truly been so much fun. She is a great student and has made my first attempt at homeschooling a joy - most days. Yes, we have had plenty days of fighting it out in order to get the work done. But as soon as I am able to convince her that she does not have any other options than to sit until everything is finished, she does well.

I'm still not as creative as I would like to be as a teacher, but I continue to work on it. I look forward to the day that I have 3 kids around the table all doing their work at the same time, instead of one trying to work, another needing a snack and another standing on top of the kitchen table begging for a piece of gum. Then again, that will mean that my babies are growing up and getting older. So I suppose that day will be both bitter and sweet.

But for today, Emma has started in on second grade. We are going to take it extremely slow through the summer and take lots of breaks. Yet, I plan to continue - more than anything because I need something to occupy her time. To stop for a couple of months would really throw off the dynamics in our household just as we are getting into the routine of things.

So. . .wish me luck. I will also begin teaching Claire to read very soon.

BLUE Nails!

Today I was cleaning the bathroom while Olivia was watching

Arthur. . . at least I thought she was watching Arthur. . .

Believe it or not, the carpet was spared and only part of her hair is blue.

"Look, Mommy, I'm so so pretty!!!!"

Reflections on my retreat. . .

Last weekend I spent 24 hours with approximately 45 church planter's wives while in Texas. Many of them were just getting started. Their churches had either not launched yet or were only a year or so old. Others were ahead of me (4 years) in the game. They were approaching the 8 and 10 year marks. I wonder. . . at what time are you no longer considered a church planting wife and instead are graduated to the ranks of the established church pastor's wife? Between you and me, I'm in no hurry. I have loved the role of the church planting wife.

But, as I sat with old friends and new and looked around the room I have to admit that I felt a surprising uneasiness inside. My story is not like many of these women. Yes, we have much in common. We have husbands who are driven and passionate. We have families to juggle through the chaos. We do church by setting up every morning in a school, hotel or movie theatre, only to tear it all down and start again the next week. We are faced with expectations that are often greater than we can assume. We serve in areas that we are not necessarily passionate about because there is a need to do so. Our husbands are up until wee hours of the morning on Saturday nights perfecting messages. People are in and out of our home on a regular basis. Life is a continual story of hanging onto faith that God will provide and see us through. But for many of the ladies that I talked with, their story detoured from mine at the point of contentment.

There seems to be a huge line drawn in the sand between those women who are happy to be where they are and those who are struggling through it day after day. My heart breaks for those ladies who feel overwhelmed. They feel the pressure of being all things to all people. They struggle with saying "no" and find themselves overworked and under-appreciated. They support their husbands in every way and yet their husbands fail to watch out for their wives sanity and well-being. The smiles on their faces on Sunday mornings or Tuesday night small groups are not real, but forced - expected.

You see, I praise God that my story is not like those saintly ladies. I am grateful for a husband whom one time took some good advice and expects every person in the church to have one job before anyone has two - especially Amy. And what is my job? I care for him and for our family. Maybe I'm not the greatest caregiver of all time, but that is what I do. Sure, I'm there early on Sunday mornings with the coffee and donuts. Sure, I attend and even lead small groups. Sure, I have mentoring relationships that I pour my life into. Sure, I put out "fires" so that Kevin does not have to be bothered by little details. And I work in the nursery once every month. But all of those extra things I do because it is my choice. Kevin does not expect any of those things of me.

You see, that has been the joy of church planting. I have been able to define my role as a pastor's wife. And my role looks absolutley nothing like many pastor's wives. As I was at the retreat I found myself almost feeling guilty at times. But then, God, you remind me that all is well. That guilt does not come from God - but man and Satan. Thank you, God, that 4 years into this journey I am healthy. I am not burned out. I have more to give. I have joy in what I do. I am content with the continued role of church planting wife. And I look forward to what is around the corner. Lord, please take care of those little ladies that I met who are struggling. Help them to find boundaries. May their husbands offer them reprieve from some of their duties. May you bring along children's workers and volunteers and pastors to fill the roles that they so dutifully hold. Please hold them close and prepare them for the "wild ride" ahead. May it bring them joy.

Coming Home

This weekend was a journey "home." It was not the home of my childhood where family and friends of my past still live. And it was not the home where I live now and serve God with my husband and children. It was the home where my heart was born. It was the home of where I discovered myself and my God in a very life transforming way. It was the home of the most defining moments in my life. It is the home of my "heart friends" and "heart moms and dads." It is my mountaintop - where my heart is reminded of and stirred in the deepest way toward God. Being there gives me focus and warm fuzzies and peace and energy to go back to my true home and be better, live life, take risks and serve God - Northwood Church, Texas. God comforts my heart there. O how I needed your comfort, Father! Thank you!

Sherry and James, Hank and Deb, Bob and Nikki, Ashley and Ben, Mark and Missy, Amy and Matt, Amy and Jeff, Alethea and Jon, Christina, Bill and Kay, David, Randy, and. . . Thank you God for the comfort of familiar faces - for hugs and laughs and care that comes from those who knew me and loved me before I was a pastor's wife or a mom - people who knew me just as adult Amy. They loved me then and they love me today and they bring me joy and a sense of belonging that is genuine and heart felt and good. May your hands be upon them, Lord. May you protect and direct their days.

God, how I wish I would have understood the implications upon my life of those three years that I spent in Texas and at Northwood when I was living them. I would have drank in every moment and savored every opportunity. But Lord, your gracious hand was upon me when I didn't even know it. You were planting pieces of my heart in Texas soil that will forever remain. You provided me with a photo album of snapshot memories in my mind of people and experiences that I will forever hold dear. You prepared me there. You nurtured and matured and blessed me there. You touched my heart there. You sent me away from there to serve you. Thank you for the journey. Thank you for the opportunity to revisit those pieces of my heart.