Colon Family Pick Got Voted Off

Ian and Cheryl had to go home last night from Dancing With the Stars, but not before a perfect 30 out of 30 performance.

Now we are all torn as to who we want to win. Emma and I are voting for Apolo and Julianne. The other girls like Joey and Kim/another/another.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #4

After leaving the lodge I headed to the Stanley Hotel to read for a while. One my way I encountered quite a few elk.
Two herds - and they were no more than three feet away from my car. One was in someone's front yard. The other was in the parking lot of the rec center in downtown Estes. They are literally everywhere. And people just disregard them as if it is normal to have such a huge beast laying on your front door step.

I went to the Stanley Hotel and read in front of the fireplace for a while.
I took a nap in the Safeway parking lot and went to the candy store to buy a surprise for the girls. Now I am once again drinking coffee. This time I ordered decaf. I'm drinking coffee and thinking about all that God has poured into me during these last two days.

Kingdom In. . .Kingdom Out
There is this church in Indonesia that I have heard of who calls this life of transformation "Up, In, Out" Either way you look at it, it's transformation.
trans·form (tr ns-fôrm )
1. To change markedly the appearance or form of. 2. To change the nature, function, or condition of; convert. 3. To undergo a transformation.

This book that I have been reading while on my getaway has taken my thought process on all of this to a different level. It has made me uncomfortable. It has challenged me in a new way. And though I'm not sure that I completely agree with James Macdonald on all of his philosophies, reading this book, Downpour, has brought new light to my way of thinking about Transformation.

Bob Roberts began preaching about transformation when Kevin and I were still in Texas. It seems strange, but the whole concept of true life change had never really gripped me until about 7 years ago. And today I still grapple with it.

Kingdom In (God's pouring in to my life through getting to know him at a deeper level) must happen before we can ever accomplish Kingdom Out (the outpouring into the world of what God has poured in) All along I have understood the concept, but what I have discovered over the last few days is that I have unconsciously expected the Kingdom Out to happen apart from the Kingdom In.

I daily try to give without being given to in a tangible and intimate way by God first (ie. quiet time or whatever you want to call it). I daily try to share God's story with my kid's without experiencing his story in my life first. I fail miserably and I think it is my fault. It is - but not in the way I feel the guilt. I seem to think that I am just not capable of doing all that God has placed before me. And I'm not. But with the Holy Spirit I am completely capable. Yet, I always seem to forget to ask for his assistance. I find myself feeling defeated, and I am. On my own I completely am. But not if I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Then I am victorious. How in the world could I have forgotten? At what point did I begin to disregard this major piece of the puzzle?

Life spins and my head spins and I forget. I start thinking that it is I who is weak, yet I have the greatest power source at my fingertips and for some unexplainable reason I don't grab on - day after day after day. Daily I pray for the concerns of life. Daily I sing worship songs. Daily I read the Bible or at least a Bible story to my kids. All of those things are good in and of themselves. But if there is no more I have missed out on so much.

I don't want to miss out any longer.

God has placed so many dreams and desires in my heart. I get so frustrated sometimes because it seems as if they are never going to come about. I don't want it to be my fault that God is not moving in huge ways. I don't want to be the process slower downer. The blessing of life and family is such a short stint for all of us. It makes me mad to realize that I could very well be slowing down the process of all that God has in store for my life and for may family's life because of my own personal lack of diving into a deeper relationship with Him. I want to experience enough Kingdom flowing into me that it overflows out everywhere I go.

So what does this really mean? I think for me it means slowing down. It means breathing in deeply my time with God. It means remembering priorities and getting rid of the clutter. It means learning and reading and listening and thinking more deeply. It means saying "no" to things that sound good for what is best. It means scheduling more time away to reflect and re-juice myself. It means looking at the bigger picture of life when I make decisions. It means discipline. It means stopping the worrying. It means controlling my temper with my kids. It means enjoying my husband more. It means taking long walks even when the house is a wreck and being okay with that. It means relaxing about $ stuff. It means obeying God when he tells me to do something. It means staying connected and waiting expectantly for God to move me. It means desiring more from life. Right now life is so good - but it means trading it all in for what is best.

Bottom line - Transformation is a lot of hard work and it is ongoing. . .but I have to believe that it is so worth it.

I'm not sure where all of this is about to lead me. But I think I'm ready for the ride.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #3

It's day two. This morning I woke up about 6:45am to a beautiful, cool and foggy day. I should have taken my pictures of the lodge and views yesterday. But the peace of the morning was so spectacular. I opened my windows and read my Bible for a while. Then I went on to exercise. They have a small exercise room here. I ran 3 miles on the treadmill and then wanted to kick myself for forgetting to bring my bathingsuit. The hot tub looked so inviting.

Next it was time for a shower and breakfast - granola, cranberry juice, coffee, fruit, sweet potato pancakes with pear and strawberry coffee glaze. For this breakfast lover it was heaven. I talked to a man and his wife that are from Florida. He is a fashion photographer and just completed a shoot for Calvin Klien Golf. I gave them some tips on Colorado sites to see and now I am trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. Unfortunately I have to check out of the Taharra (where I'm staying) at 11:00. I could stay here for a very long time. There is such calmness and peace here. Thanks, God. I needed this. Thanks, Kevin, for taking care of me.

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #2

Every time I get alone with God my mind and heart are drawn once again to the same things - transformation, adventure, risk, family, Vietnam, $, significance, discipline. It's almost as if there is this ball that is continually rolling around in my heart and mind with each of these words written on it. And my mind journey's from one to the other, just wandering and dreaming and wishing and praying.

Today I am aware of it spinning.

I get still. The world goes away for a while. No one and nothing is pulling my strings. And when I really take time to listen to my heart - it's almost scary, yet exciting and breathtaking, what I hear. My heart beats fast (maybe from all of the coffee I have had today) and my desires grow strong. It's all about the adventure. It's about the desire to jump out in faith towards something worthy.

I feel so conflicted sometimes - stuck in the middle of being faithful and joyful towards the life that God has blessed me with today and dreaming of all that I hope and want to be a part of in the future. I often don't do a great job with contentment - yet I am content - it's more like I am expectant. Yes, expectant is a good word. I am expectant of God to take the desires that he has placed in my heart and do something with them.

I have always heard a friend say, "find yourself in your twenties, grow yourself in your thirties, change the world in your forties. After that leverage everything you've got for ultimate meaning and radical transformation."

So I'm in my thirties. I need to focus on growing myself. And yet I feel like a child who is counting the days until they turn 5 3/4. Who ever heard of being in your thirties and wishing you were older? That's ridiculous. And yet, my heart longs for so much more on days like today when I am quiet and alone.

The life I have today is more than I could have ever wished for. This is not an issue of being unhappy. I am blessed and thrilled to have the husband and children and day to day life that I do. If it were to all end today, it would have been a storybook life. Yet, that guy, the Holy Spirit, keeps on nudging me. He keeps telling me to pay attention to all that is inside my heart. There is so much more to this life. Dream and focus and soak it all in.

So today I am dreaming and trying to figure it all out. I'm reading and listening to people who I respect. I am singing at the top of my lungs as I drive down the road and I am resting.

I am such a planner. I like to know what is next. I love the security of marking things off my to-do list and moving on. I like the big picture so I can figure out how to get there - wherever "there" is. But right now I only have glimpses of "there." So I have to be okay with "here." God, help me to overflow with enjoyment for "here" and wait patiently and expectantly for "there."

Estes Park Getaway - Entry #1

Happy Mother’s Day to me! This morning I’m sitting at Starbucks in Estes Park. I’m all alone. And yes, this is my own personal definition of a happy day. Deep down I am a loner. I get my juice from being all by myself. And my family knows it. Thus, my Mother’s Day surprise was a 2 day getaway – no kids, no house to clean, no work, no homeschool, only me. Part of me is thinking that I should feel guilty about this. . .but I refuse to let myself. This is time that I need. I’m learning it more and more. My family must be learning it, too. They sent me away. :-)

God has called me to a life of people. These people need me and count of me and require so much of me. I am truly blessed and I love the life that I have. But it is quite humorous that God chose a person like me to fulfill all of the many roles that I perform on a daily basis. It’s about discipline and determination and will and God’s help, because the life I live does not come naturally to me. Yet, it is super fulfilling because I can see it in perspective. I just have to be more intentional than others to carve out my time to refuel for the journey.

And that is what I am doing today and tomorrow. I’m stopping for coffee when I feel like it. I’m eating at any restaurant that I choose. I’m reading a good book beside the mountain creek that flows behind Starbucks. I’m taking a walk beside the lake. I’m listening to some great sermons on my ipod. I’m blogging. I’m journaling. I’m exercising. I’m hiking and praying not to see a mountain lion. I’m sleeping late in a cushy room and waking up to a huge gourmet breakfast. And I’m searching. I am expecting God to show up in a really big way. All of the noise will be silenced for the next few days. Please, God, let me experience you. Fill me up for the next leg of the race.

Conversation with Claire

“Yesterday at church everyone laughed at me.”

“Why, honey?”

“Because I said I like lots of food.”

“What do you mean?”

“We had to write down on that paper why we thanked God.”

“O, and you said were thankful for all that the food that you had.”

“Uh huh.”

“Claire, that is a great answer.”

“But they laughed at me.”

“Honey, they probably just didn’t understand what you meant. Don’t worry. I’m proud of you for your answer. God has given us lots of food.”

(A big smile came over her face)

. . . .

“Mommy, why don’t some people have enough food to eat?”

“That’s a great question Claire.” “We’re really lucky, aren’t we? We have more than enough food every day, don’t we?”

“Yeah, yummy food. But kids in Vietnam don’t. Why don’t we take them some food when we go?”

“That’s a great idea, Claire, but it would be really hard for us to take all the food that they need with us on the airplane.”

“We could just take a little. Don’t they need food?”

“Yes, some of them do. But when we go to Vietnam we try to do things to help them in other ways. Someday we might be able to help them with food, too, but for now we are trying to help them by giving them things like clothes and clean water. We also want to help them to get a good education so that they can make money for themselves to buy food.”

(She kinda understood)

“Claire, we love the people in Vietnam and we want to help them because we love God and God loves them so much.”

“But why do we have so much food and they don’t?”

“I wish I could answer that, sweetie. I guess that God just decided to give some people the $ for food to see what they will do with it. He must have trusted us a lot to do what is right. He must have trusted us to help others.”

“But, Mommy, then why can’t we take those kids some food?”

“O, Claire, I love your heart. Let’s think and try to figure out what we can do to help them. Would you like that?”

“Yes. Can I go with you to Vietnam sometime?”

“Of course.”

Link to Church Executive Magazine

Our friend, Bob Roberts, got a cover story in Church Executive Magazine. Click on "Bob Roberts Jr. . ." to read.
Click Here to Read

Go Toppers!!!

Click Here for Big Red's Boogie

Watch all 4 minutes!!!

Dancing with the Stars Colon Family Pick

Cheryl and Ian

Venture Vietnam

Kevin and the team left early this morning. They will be gone from April 9 -18. Below are a few videos to give you a little taste of where they will be. Please keep them in your prayers. It's going to be a really fun trip. I'll be going back this summer.

Motorbike Traffic in Vietnam

Bac Ha Sunday Market

Bringing Tears to my Eyes

It all starts with a lump in your throat. You feel it coming. Your heart beats faster. You look around to see if anyone notices the awkwardness that is beginning to come over your face as your eyes begin to water. It's not a sad feeling. It's one of those feelings that comes out of nowhere. It's a mix of warm fuzzies, uncontrollable tears and peace. Have you ever felt that way?

The last few days have brought quite a few of those moments. And I am blessed because of them.

Kevin went camping last weekend at the Great Sand Dunes (near Westcliffe). Just the mention of where he was going brought back so many memories of my summer in Westcliffe, CO, as a junior in college. I remember requesting Colorado as the state where I might be a summer missionary just because it sounded like a fun place to go. My summer was miserable. Yet 6 years later, that negative feeling about my summer had somehow changed in my heart to an unexplainable fondness for the state of Colorado. And in searching for a place to plant Cool River, God led me to convince Kevin to come and check it out. Today, as I think back with tears in my eyes, we have now been here for almost 5 years and there is absolutely no better fit for Kevin and I than this place. . .all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Easter at Cool River. . . Ben and Ashley, Chuck and Grace, all of those that God has brought our way in the journey.

Almost ten years ago Ashley was a sophomore in high school. I was a newlywed. She helped me to lead a middle school girls small group in Texas where she was in the youth group and Kevin was the youth pastor. Ben was a senior. All I knew about him was that he was a unique guy - different from so many. And he was a gymnast. That's all. . . Sunday Ben and Ashley stood on stage at Cool River as he sang on the worship team and Ashley led Cool River in worship like our church has never experienced before. Now Ben is the youth pastor. . . all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Next to Ben and Ashley were Grace and Chuck. Grace sang and Chuck played drums. About seven years ago Kevin and I sat in the same church in Texas and led a small group for young married couples. Grace and Chuck were one of our first couples. When we decided to move to Colorado we asked them to come with us. They said "no. . . " They have been with us at Cool River now for about 3 years. They have played a key role in making Cool River what it is today. . . all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Kevin walked out the door this morning at 4am. He is on his way to Vietnam once again. Nine years ago, as newlyweds, Kevin and I took about 40 kids to youth camp. The very next day we boarded an airplane with Northwood's first ever trip to Vietnam. We were only there for 3 days. Then we went on to Malaysia. Kevin and I were exhausted. We didn't even want to go. It was his job to be there. . .today we love Vietnam as if it were our second home. We have friends there. We visit every year. Cool River is now serving there alongside Northwood. In the future it only looks as if we will be there more and more. . .all those years ago. . .only God knew. . .

Tonight I sat in our basement watching Charlotte's Web with the girls. When Charlotte died, Claire wept. She uncontrollably wept. She felt the pain. She understood what was happening. I see in her a very special spirit that cares deeply and understands emotion beyond her five years. And her tears made mine flow as well. Tonight I wonder, what will I be writing some day about Claire? What is it that only God knows about her life? Will she be a great humanitarian? Will she care for those who are hurting? Will she stand up for the unjust? What path is God going to lead her down? And will I do the right things as a parent to teach her well about life and integrity and caring for each other?

Day after day after day often seems so monotonous. We get up and do life over and over again with often little thought as to how God is using our days to weave together a beautiful story. Has my life just happened by chance? No way. It has happened and is continuing to happen by design. . .the design of the greatest story creator of all time. And there are so many more pages to unfold and tears to shed. . .

Happy Easter from the Colon Girls

A Day in the Yard

Planting Grass Seed








Just Going in Circles

Emma won 1st Place in the Science Fair!!!!

Sunshine Again!!!

I was talking to my friend Wendy at church on Sunday about how refreshing this time of year seems to be. After a Colorado winter like the one we have just had, it seems as if everyone is more ready than ever before to experience the bright vitamin D rays of the sun. 60+ inches of snow, though beautiful and even fun, brought with it so much dirt and yuck and trash and mud. Both my garage and my house are in dire need of Spring cleaning. But today I don't feel much like cleaning. It is 71 degrees outside. The sun is shining bright and I even noticed some new green shoots of tulips and daffodils coming out of the ground. Today, all I want to do is enjoy. . .

And enjoy I have done. . .
I love it that Superior has become home to our family. This summer it will be five years since we moved here. A lot has happened in five years. Claire was only 6 months old when we moved into the Horizons apartment complex - the place where everyone in Superior starts out. Those days were lonely days. But today - today I went to Safeway and the lady who checked me out knew my name. She even pronounces it correctly now before she ever takes a look at my credit card. And the barrista at Starbucks, Melissa, has become my buddy who knows my order almost by heart (okay, I'm not sure that is something to be proud of - yet it is quite "homey.")

I walked to the park with the girls. The sun was shining and we were in flip flops and t-shirts. Along the way we passed multiple ladies from Cool River with their kids, other ladies from the community that I have gotten to know, even dogs whose names I remember from previous meetings. Emma, Claire and Olivia have friends - Regan, Riley, Kate, Matthew, Joshua. . . all who just happened to be out on the sunny morning. It all makes me so thankful. Five years ago we had no idea that God was going to bless our family in such a huge way. Every inch of this place is home. Every person that we pass at Target or Super Joe's or Cool River seems like family.

And this time of year it seems like the grayness has lifted from people's faces and it's as if there is new hope and fresh beginnings in store. How appropriate that Easter is just around the corner. The hope of new life and new beginnings that comes through the story of Jesus' resurrection is the perfect picture of how this time of year makes me feel. Thanks, Holy Spirit, for reminding me today.

ER

So. . . it has been quite some time since I last wrote. To say that many things have been happening would be an understatement. But life is good. Everything is good. . .

Have you ever been to the emergency room? Well, here's the best advice for your next visit - and with any luck you will never find yourself in the situation to ever us it. . .whether you think you have a broken leg or even pneumonia, just make sure you mention your heart. When they hear the word heart you automatically become a VIP like never before. It's like a great ego boost. Fifteen people can be lined up before you, waiting for hours, but if you say "heart" to the lady on the other side of the desk, you are automatically the queen (or king) of line cutting. It's like that rush of adrenaline that you used to feel as a kindergartener when your teacher chose you to be the first one out the door for recess. I know this feeling all too well. You see, last week I was the one standing at the emergency room registration desk relaying the news that my heart was beating rapidly and I could not get it to slow down. I quickly became VIP for the day at Avista emergency room in Louisville, Colorado.

It was a little scary. I won't lie. I'm a coffee drinker. I have a little bit of knowledge as to what 5 cups of coffee can do to a person. I can imagine the jittery feeling of loads of caffeine that has been poured into my body. But on that particular morning, all I had was orange juice. It was definitely not the Starbucks effect. Come to find out (so they say), it was the thyroid medicine effect. Thanks a lot Mr. generic drug manufacturer.

So I have a great story. It was an experience. And today I am living like my grandparents on blood pressure medicine. I'm telling ya, you hit 30 and life is all down hill!haha Next week I get more tests. And eventually this experience will be over. Life will move on. Another experience will take its place.

But until then, I am sitting here tonight asking God, "why?" Why this? What is the purpose? What am I supposed to learn? What part of my character are you wanting to chisel on? Why, God, are you allowing me to face the uncertainty and the anxiety of not knowing completely what is happening in this body of mine? I do want to discover anything you've got to teach. I get excited about opportunities to grow and come out a better person. But the anxiety part of the experience I could do without. Just carry me through it like you always do, okay? I have no fear. I'm listening.

Chaos

Chaos makes me so mad! It sucks the life right out of me some days. I am the introvert. I get drained very quickly when too many people are surrounding me. I thrive when I am alone. Yet, I love people. I love relationships and the challenges that come with them. That's how I grow the most - dealing with and doing life with people. But when it all turns into chaos I don't find it quite so enjoyable.

This is an interesting season in my life. I am quickly becoming a master multi-tasker. There is something about that that fuels me - the thrill of accomplishment at the end of the week. On Sunday afternoon when I get home from church and curl up in my bed I have no guilt. I know that the nap that is about to follow is much deserved. I know that the relaxation is much needed. And it is good rest.

The rest of the evening on Sunday's I am basically useless. Then comes the light of a new day. And as I wake up on Monday the chaos begins once again. Everyone wants breakfast. Olivia needs her morning fix of gum. Dishes are dirty from the day before. Loads and loads of laundry hide my bedroom floor. It's time for gymnastics. We need to eat lunch. Emma needs to practice piano and complete another day of school. Don't forget to help her memorize her multiplication tables! Kevin comes home. We all need dinner. Is it that time already? I still have emails to respond to from church and copies to make for next Sunday. The dog is sick. The humidifier in the hallway is growing some sort of nastiness that needs to be cleaned. The phone rings. All I want is 45 minutes to exercise and 20 minutes to read my Bible or a good book. Chaos!

So these days I'm learning to manage the chaos. I'm learning to say "no" more and I'm learning to pray more. And when I get a chance, I'm learning to escape. Maybe I need to write like today. Maybe I need a cup of Starbucks sugar-free vanilla, extra hot, no foam, 2% latte and a quiet drive in the car. Maybe I need Kevin's laptop and Grey's Anatomy on abc.go.com. Maybe I need to read a book or just quietly sit and listen to what God might have to say. Whatever it might be, I need to continue to learn to manage myself in such a way that life can't win at sucking out all of my juice. Because, you see, I have a family that needs me. They need me to be fresh for them. Kevin needs me to be sweet to him instead of a bear. I need to remember to laugh with them and enjoy them instead of just manage them. What a hard line it is to walk some days.

But I'm learning.

Chaos will probably forever make me crazy. I will probably always be working to tame that part of life. But today I am good. I'm just taking it slow and steady. But I'm sure that many unexpected are just around the corner.

Even Bigger than "Biggie" Sized

Tonight I feel like writing, although I must admit that as I type I really have no clear direction of where I am headed with this. Life is moving along. There is the basic chaos that everyone lives in. I would never consider myself living a life that is more crazy from the next person. We all live crazy, unpredictable lives, don't we? But we manage. Some days we manage well. Others we fall apart. If we are lucky, the well managed days outweigh the fall apart days. We have carried on with what we see as important and worth while. And we breathe. . . and hopefully we laugh and love. And with any luck we look back in the quiet of an evening just like this one and feel as if we have accomplished something good.

"With any luck". . .that phrase I just wrote bothers me all of a sudden. It's not luck. There is no such thing. It's about grace. It's the grace that only can come from a Heavenly Father who is much more powerfully in control than I, who dictates our days. It is his Holy Spirit that guides and prompts and pulls at our heart strings until we finally get up off our backsides and choose to take the right steps. . .choose to live a life purposefully worth while. If at any time luck comes in, it is in being "lucky" enough to be able to turn off the world around us long enough to experience the guidance that is so freely offered every second of every day. Maybe some day I will master that one.

I have a feeling that this year is going to be another one of those pivotal points in my life. And this is why. . .it's because God has me asking this question over and over again, "What does it mean to dream big with God?" What does it mean to dream Ephesians 3:20? "God wants to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine." I am the queen of limitations. I look at the checkbook or the bank account and freak out because I can't see with my own eyes or understand with my own brain how bills will possibly get paid. I think about going oversees again this summer and I laugh to myself as I can't imagine how I could ever be able to afford it. I think about speaking in front of a group and get filled with butterflies as I tell myself my gift is not teaching so I can't do it well. I limit myself and I limit God all of the time. And I settle for well managed days instead of vibrant ones.

Dream big. If we were all to truly dream as big as God might want us to dream and fully trust that God is big enough to fulfill those dreams, what might happen? There would be stories upon stories of God's provision. There would be life upon life changed. There would be an overflow of life transformation happening around us all of the time because so many unexplainable things would be happening every day. God would be the only answer to why. He would get all the credit because there is no way things so grand could happen without the hand of the Divine. Wouldn't that be cool?

And life would not be the ball of chaos that we see it as today. Life would be a life of purpose and vision. We would not be limited because we would be so connected to the Divine that the overflow of a transformed heart would ooze out on to everyone we met. Life would not be easy or painless. But life would be freeing instead of confining - purposeful instead of packed full. Maybe we would never feel stuck again. Maybe we would truly live a full and abundant life.

You see, I am becoming more and more convinced that we live mediocre lives because we believe that we serve a mediocre God. I fail on a daily basis to remember the power of the Almighty. I fail to remember that he wants to trickle that power down on me. I fail to remember that he is the King and that makes me a princess. I'm great at putting God in his nice little God box. I only expect him to show up in crisis and on special occasions.

Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that I want to pray that Prayer of Jabez and wait for my life and land to be increased. No, I fully expect God's big dream for Amy to bring me to my knees instead of raise me on the clouds. But I'd much rather be on my knees resting in the fullness of what God wants for me than to be crawling on my own going nowhere.

In 2007 and every year to come I just don't want to settle for simply being happy that the well managed and peaceful days outweigh the fall apart ones. I want to set my sights on God-sized dreams. Like at Wendy's, I really want to dream even bigger than "Biggie size" dreams for this year and see what God might do. I can't wait to write and tell you all of the ridiculous things that God does. I wait expectantly. I wonder what specifically I should dream? Please, God, let me know.

_____________________________________
"What was once known as a 'biggie' drink at Wendy's is now just a 'medium.' Soft drinks now come in small, medium and large sizes only. The 42-ounce large is equal to three-and-a-half cans of soda." Now that's what I call "exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ever ask or imagine!!"hahaha

Kicking My Butt

Yep, God seems to be doing that quite often these days. And you know, it's all my fault. :-) You see, about 4 months ago Kevin and I were sharing in a small group about the times that God has forced us to take huge leaps of faith in our lives and in our marriage. It was fun to share and even fun to think back on - remembering the hard times and being on the other side, seeing how God provided. That night on the way home I made the ridiculous mistake of saying to Kevin that I kinda wish one of those faith step moments would happen again. Lesson #1 - Don't ever say that!!!!! It's like asking for patience. Everyone says don't do it or you will have to go through a tough time of God giving something horrible to you to be patient about. Well, don't ever say you want to work on your character some more by being faced with a faith step either.

My character is exhausted!! For the last 3 months God has allowed stress after stress to pile up on me on the money end of life like he has not done in a very long time. That is not what I meant when I asked for faith steps to be presented. In my mind I think I was dreaming of something fun and crazy that he might ask us to do, and my character growth would be in the faithful following of that. But no - instead God decides once again to hit me with the issue of money. "When will I be enough, Amy?" "When will you truly trust me to provide?" "How are you going to handle this hit and this little twist of the knife?" "How is your integrity?" "How emotionally tied to this money stuff are you?" "Do you remember that I own it all?" "Do you remember that I can give and take away at a moment's notice?"

So last Sunday I was sitting in church with all of my girls worshipping to a song that is really dear to my heart. "Blessed Be the Name" was the first song that we ever sang at Cool River. Josh was playing and we were meeting at the AMC. Every single time I hear that song I have such fond memories. And as I was singing and thinking about that again, God opened my ears to the words in a different way. . .

Blessed be the Name in the Land that is Plentiful
Where the Streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name
Blessed be you name
One the road marked with suffering
When there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name
Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be the name. . . . .
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name. . . .

And it struck me - it's about saying "blessed be your name" to God, no matter what. That was the lesson he wanted me to get!

Blessed be his name no matter what. Blessed be his name when the credits and debits don't match up. Blessed be his name when there is money in the saving account and when there is not. Blessed be his name when the dog gets sick, when the taxes are great, when the hospital bills come, when someone else unknowlingly makes a mistake that causes me grief or when a car accident happens that causes unexpected repairs. Blessed by his name when my children laugh as they are burying themselves in the snow. Blessed be his name when Kevin and I have a great date night. Blessed be his name when I sit in the mountains of Vietnam. Blessed be his name when the sun comes up another day. Blessed be his name when we get 45 inches of snow and I am stuck in the house for days. Blessed be his name!

That's it.

I get it.

Lord, blessed be your name.

Claire Flies Into the New Year